To be pissed off with DPs self inflicted health related sickness

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DP (Age 50+) has a life long condition managed successfully with daily medication.
We have been together for 3 years & live together.
In the 3 years he has had about 15 ‘episodes ‘ which result in 4-5 days of recovery
Day 1 : cannot move except to use the loo
Day 2 : able to shower but can’t form sentences or move beyond moving to the settee
Day 3 : headachy & slow movements
Until back to normal day 5-6

I have absolute sympathy for this condition.
My issue is that every single episode has been caused by partying which he knows is the cause.
So since 6am on NYD I have been attending to his every whim. Under normal circumstances I would have absolutely no problem doing so but he has basically been drunk for the entire holiday period & now I’m walking on egg shells so he can recover .
He says I’m being unsympathetic

I wouldn't be at all sympathetic. He knew he shouldn't drink , he made a decision to be ill.

Having conditions are hard. You miss out on different parts of life. I would be much more understanding if just going for an evening out means your exhausted or feel ill for a few days. However drinking to excess is different. He could have gone out, not drunk and still had a great time. If the company he keeps aren't understanding, then he should think about the value of their friendship.
He caused it so doesn't need help or sympathy.

Will this have a long term effect such a being diabetic ?

I have chronic illnesses - cfs/m.e, fibromyalgia, and more.

I don't like to drink often anyway but I refuse to stay out late if I don't actually get out - it's the staying up and active at stupid o clock which really does me in. However, drinking to severe excess will also knock me sideways for several days, sometimes weeks.

It's my issue. So I'm careful not to exacerbate it.

Your partner is an idiot.

I’ve had hangovers exactly like this OP.

In all seriousness, LTB. Too many episodes.

I think to give a fair idea if you are being unreasonable you need to tell us what the condition is, if it's something like epilepsy then yeah YABU. I have epilepsy and although I have been seizure free for 10 years I remember how trapped I felt around holiday times and how annoyed I felt that I couldn't let my hair down and party/de-stress like everyone else did over the holidays season. So what if he has to recuperate? He has a life limiting condition let him enjoy himself, just be happy to help him through it knowing you don't have the same consequences hanging over your head every time you decide to let your hair down and enjoy yourself.

What’s his health condition? If this is a terrible hangover from booze, then he’s an idiot.

He's doing 'episodes' because you're bailing him. Every time.

Sorry. Drunks are efficient parasites, the way to deal with it is to get rid.

Dosmamas - haha! So you think op should let her p do what he likes and look after him? Why? She’s not signed up for this. Totally unfair of her p to do this and expect to be looked after.

Do you think he would look after her like this??

He needs to take responsibility for himself.

The only thing you're being unreasonable about is putting up with him. He's landed on his feet finding two women to enable his self-destruction.

Give him fair warning that next time he makes the decision to party, you will pack a bag and stay at a friend’s house for 3 days. He’ll have to make his own arrangements for managing- potty by the bed, food, etc.

Then follow through. I’d say by the third time your problem will be solved.

What are you DOING woman
Grow a pair of ovaries and leave him to it

Dos she says he has a lifelong condition, not life limiting. NO ONE should expect another person to cater to them because they participated in behaviour that they knew would make them ill again and again, much less expect others to be happy to do so.

Your partner's a problem drinker, OP.

So every couple of months he goes on a bender after which he is ill and totally helpless for nearly a week and you have to cater for his every need

What's in it for you?

I have epilepsy and although I have been seizure free for 10 years I remember how trapped I felt around holiday times and how annoyed I felt that I couldn't let my hair down and party/de-stress like everyone else did over the holidays season.

I would have absolute sympathy for your frustration and if I was your partner, I’d do what I could to help. But from the sound of it, you didn’t indulge deliberately in an activity that would cause you to require nursing over four days on a regular basis.

We all have shit to deal with. If he wants to inflict this on himself, that’s his business, but anyone else has the absolute right to say fuck that and walk away. Which is what I’d do in this situation. My life is too precious to waste nursing someone who makes stupid life choices.

I’m a moderate drinker, but had a heavy ( for me) session at Xmas which due to vomiting has left me with a (hopefully temporary) inflamed oesophagus, in pain and very miserable. I’ve had zero sympathy from DH and to be honest I’ve learnt my lesson because I’ve been really rough. I won’t be doing it again. And no one has waited on me in any way!

He is BU to know it impacts him like this and to keep doing it.

Why on earth are you enabling him to continue acting like this?

Clearly, this is a man who cannot drink if it leaves him completely incapacitated for nearly a week afterwards.

What I find interesting is he makes the women in his life nurse him throughout. His EX felt duty bound to deliver him sandwiches? Jeez!

I first read it as '3 times in 15 years' and thought all the replies were a little harsh!

15 times in 3 years is him taking the piss.

I'm gonna guess he's an insulin dependent diabetic. Difficult situation for you because you must wonder how on earth he will cope safely without you there to act as his safety net. In your shoes I would hate the guilt trip even more than the self-destructiveness and would like to say I'd walk, but that may be easier said than done for you. Non compliance in diabetes is complex, possibly more complex than just being a 'problem drinker' (although maybe not). I wonder if it would help one or both of you to get some advice from a relevant HCP.

If it's a lifelong condition like epilepsy or diabetes ( two off the top of my head that would be adversely affected by drinking) does he have support from a specialist nurse who could give him a bollocking?

15 times in 3 years is very poorly managed. Doesn't that put his job at risk?

If it were me, I would probably let him know that any benders or drinking nights would be swiftly followed by me spending a week elsewhere and him dealing with it on his own. But admittedly, I'm kind of a bitch.

I couldn't be doing with this at all.

An almost-unanimous AIBU! And I agree with the majority. He is being extremely unreasonable. If he were prepared to deal with the consequences of going on a bender by himself, without inflicting it on anyone else, that would be less unreasonable, but he cannot pour drink down his neck and expect the OP to pick up the mess.

He's got his women very well trained hasn't he

Have you given up your own home and your independence for him, OP? I wonder if you need to start making plans to get back to your old life, at least in part. By the sound of it, things can only get worse as he ages.

Now I am older, I really suffer with hangovers, even 3 drinks can leave me wiped out for a day or to, I have really tried to cut back.

To slightly defend your partner, people have alcohol rammed in their throat, especially at Christmas.

I have to do a bit of socialising as part of my job, managed to keep a few of the Christmas parties "dry", but not without having people commenting every 5 minutes on me not drinking, usually followed by a comment like "come on it's only once a year" (I had to attend 5 work related Christmas drinks / parties)

Is not drinking supposed to be some sort of hardship?