To be pissed off with DPs self inflicted health related sickness

[DecorationsAreDown]

DP (Age 50+) has a life long condition managed successfully with daily medication.
We have been together for 3 years & live together.
In the 3 years he has had about 15 ‘episodes ‘ which result in 4-5 days of recovery
Day 1 : cannot move except to use the loo
Day 2 : able to shower but can’t form sentences or move beyond moving to the settee
Day 3 : headachy & slow movements
Until back to normal day 5-6

I have absolute sympathy for this condition.
My issue is that every single episode has been caused by partying which he knows is the cause.
So since 6am on NYD I have been attending to his every whim. Under normal circumstances I would have absolutely no problem doing so but he has basically been drunk for the entire holiday period & now I’m walking on egg shells so he can recover .
He says I’m being unsympathetic

Is not drinking supposed to be some sort of hardship?

Apparently so! And there are plenty of non-alcoholic drinks you can have that people won't realise have no alcohol in them so you won't get comments. I like soda and lime myself.

15 times in 3 years is 5 times a year.

Which is almost every other month.

That's alot

Can't you have a relationship with him but not live together. Then you can leave him to it until he calls to say he's better.

Ttigrress, yes! I didn’t drink much Xmas Day ( as I was meeting DSis at the sales, more for a catch up than the shopping) and so I hardly drank.i was in good spirits but was told I was being ‘miserable’ . Same NYE where I was dying with afore mentioned self inflicted pain, was told ‘a drink would make you feel better’. FFS 😡

I’m 48 and I’d rather go the gym or for a nice dinner than get bladdered these days. And I’m not going to apologise for it.

Without knowing what this condition is, are you sure that it genuinely takes 5 days or so to recover from and that he isn't just milking it to get you to wait on him?

15 times in 3 months means that approximately every 2 and a half months, he takes 6 days out to recover.
I think Butterface makes a good point. It seems he managed not to do this so often while he was single.
He may have complex psychological issues around his condition which he doesn’t acknowledge, even to himself but, whether he is being selfish & disrespectful or whether he is experiencing difficulties accepting his life, the answer is still that you have to stop helping him with this. It is right for both of you.
I agree with a previous poster that you should be clear that, if it happens again, you will leave and not return for a week.

@Dosmamas - it is epilepsy. He can drink & I would never deny him that. But my issue is drinking so you incapacitate yourself for 5 days - he can’t work, he can barely speak, he can’t leave the house & I have to do EVERYTHING for him - that’s my issue.
I’ve had 3 kids - they’re in their 20s now so those days are over .
I would have no problem if the issue wasn’t caused by excess.

He has these episodes an average of 5 times a year and he is totally incapacitated for about 5 days? Is the frequency increasing?

He is not taking any responsibility, what does he say during or after these days of being incapacitated?

I would have no empathy, you are not unsympathetic he is very selfish. Does he have a drink problem or does he just know how ill drink makes him but doesn’t care?

So, unless you walk away, this palaver will be what happens after every Christmas/New Year, at least. Is that really something to look forward to?

Oh god your child rearing days aren’t over thanks to him - don’t condemn yourself to this man. Just don’t.

He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t have an enabler.

Is he aware that epilepsy that severe is potentially life-threatening? Tell him that next time he goes on a bender you will call an ambulance and they can deal with him.

Sheer madness to play russian roulette with your life when you have a condition like his.

His sick record at work must be a cause for concern. Are HR all over his arse for this? There are plenty of employers that would have managed him out by now. Very irresponsible.

Does he hold down a job?

How is the combination of epilepsy and drinking causing reaction?

Sorry, but you're onto a hiding to nothing as long as you put up with this. He's risking his life because he cannot control his drinking.

@bookwormsforever sorry but I did sign up for that with my partner. I can't really relate her but I trust that she wouldn't do anything like that in a malicious way so I'd just do the best to get her through her f**up and move on.

If he’s been drunk the entire holiday period I would say that he’s also an alcoholic. I really hope he doesn’t have a driving licence.

He’s doing it to himself, so I wouldn’t be sympathetic either.

He is being both irresponsible & selfish!

I have to do EVERYTHING for him

No you don't. By staying with him you're enabling this behaviour. Build your self esteem & leave him. You're worth more.

@thebaronetofcockburn the OP has replied and said it's epilepsy and as a sufferer I can tell you 100 percent it's life limiting (if I'm using it in the right context) I used to not be able to drive, work long hours, hold babies, travel alone, cook meals even Have a bath without telling someone and leaving the bathroom unlocked! All those things build up in your personality and it's easy to get depressed and say sod it im going crazy for a night. To be fair this has landed me in ICU almost dead from seizures (that's when I stopped that behaviour) but from a personal level and even not knowing what kind of epilepsy the op's partner has..I can empathise as to why he would have a 'blowout' over Christmas.

You need to choose whether you want to sign up for a lifetime of these self-inflicted episodes OP.

I have to do EVERYTHING for him

Why??!?

@Dosmamas no life limiting means it’s expected you will die from something directly related to the condition. And prematurely.

Sod that, he’d be on his own if it were me.

Tell him next time he needs to sort himself out.