Wedding

[scotlandg]

Brother is getting married. Met his partner twice. They only met a year ago and we had our third daughter recently. They didn't attend the christening so Christmas was our first meeting. We have three girls under 5. Middle one has special needs so tricky to leave with anyone else. She is well behaved but medically is easier if with us or trained ppl. Been told our children not welcome at wedding. All the people who I could normally ask to help with the children are at wedding. Due to special needs middle child is harder to leave. Wedding is totally child free. Is no kids on her side and she's borderline blanked mine over Christmas. Numbers are 200 plus. I did suggest would be really tricky for us due to not really able to leave them with just me person - is 4 year old, 2 year old and baby. When I explained was tricky was told they trying to keep numbers to 200 and that if we couldn't go they would understand. I am confused about what best to do? I guess I'm a bit upset as I thought maybe as they the only immediate children that they could even be bridesmaids. They would have been excited to go. I am not sure what is best to do? It wouldn't be fair to leave someone with all three. We have never left them before except with my mum. I am I being unreasonable? I don't want to cause a rift. Just am not sure what best to do. I am thinking maybe best my husband stays home with the children? I don't want to go after this but I know it would upset my parents if I didn't. Thanks for any advice.

Child free weddings are the choice of the betrothed couple.

It is strange that none of your children would play a part in the wedding but perhaps the bride just isn't into children and subsequently flower girls.

I think you are correct in your plan, your partner stays home and you go.

Although of course you're entitled to refuse if you think it's best?

What a shame. I understand it’s the couples choice but I’d much rather have my sister there and her kids than not at all! If push came to shove could the kids Dad not come to the wedding and you go alone?

Could they stay with a friend for just a few hours for ceremony etc and then DH GO BACK AND LOOK AFTER KIDS?

It is there choice but it's bloody rude not inviting your nieces and nephews. I wouldn't go, a shame but they have made the position they are taking clear and it seems she is going for an insta wedding with having 200 people and no kids.

Whoa. Why am I shouting?!

I’d go and leave your husband at home.

I'd go & leave DH at home to look after them.

Yeah I'd go and leave the rest of your family at home. It's their wedding so it's up to them.

I wouldn't go.

I just wouldn’t go at all. They basically told you they your children are not in their 200 closest people to them. Decline, send a card but no gift.

Agree with the others, if it is important not you to go then go alone

leave them at home with their dad and go solo. It sounds like you hesitate is amplified by the fact that you’d pictured them being bridesmaids. That was your own hopes not theirs. Just go and enjoy yourself.

Completely up to them to have a child free wedding. You go and leave kids with your DH.

200 is a huge wedding... I wouldn't go tbh!

I'm not close to my brother though...

She doesn't care about you or your kids. She will probably be pleased there are 2 less to pay for. Your DB isn't standing up for you. Tell your DB you are sad that you won't be able to go as you can't leave your kids. Been there (but not with such close family). Marriage didn't last long, groom returned to his extended family afterwards.

I wouldn't go. It wouldn't bother me either way, it's not as if you are remotely close.

Ah, forgot to mention wedding is 7 hours drive away from our house. Not sure if that's relevant. Yes I could go without partner. I'm very shy so would rather he was with me but I guess isn't any choice. I think they think our kids and therefore our problem. Which I do understand just feel a bit sad. Had it been the other way around I would have def invited any of theirs if they had any. She is planning the wedding. My brother isn't that involved so it's come from her but at same time he clearly doesn't care enough to see if any exception could be made. We wouldn't do the late reception part with them as we would know that's not child friendly. Just thought maybe the ceremony and the daytime stuff. Also it could be the last time my grandparents are likely to be able to see the girls as they are hopefully flying over from far away esp for the wedding. So I am sad they don't get to see them as it's hard for them to travel now so would have been a nice opportunity for that.

Wow that is really horrible of them

Tara tads it’s their choice etc but bloody hell you can’t manage to let your sister bring her kids in amongst 200 guests?? Knowing it will be virtually impossible for her to find childcare when everyone they know is at the wedding?

Just you go and leave them with DH but I’d make it VERY clear to my brother what I thought about it.

Their wedding their choice. Your invite your choice whether to go. Does your dh have any family you could leave them with? Is the wedding local ( so could you go for the ceremony but not the reception?) You can explain to your parents if you decide you can’t go ( which would be totally reasonable)

Sorry cross posted. See it’s not local which makes it harder. Could you arrange to see the grandparents away from the wedding?

Partners family live in Oz so not an option to leave the girls with them. Is one person who is capable of dealing with the medical need should they arise but it wouldn't be fair to leave her with all three. Am still breastfeeding baby!

Anyone can go to the ceremony as it is a public event. So take children to that and then you go to the reception alone?

(I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t go at all but it is an option)

Is the wedding at a hotel? If so, could you go with the children, have a Nanny in the room with the kids for the wedding, but given the medical issues, you can be on site to pop back up to the room at the drinks reception/after dinner etc, and if you aren't happy, your DH can leave the wedding and take over from the Nanny.

Could you all go up and stay a couple of days (if money allows) so that your children can see your grandparents then you go to the ceremony and dinner then leave.
I’d be very tempted just not to go at all but I can see that’d be upsetting for your parents.

If you want a child free day outvthen go and leave the kids with DH otherwise don’t go. They’ve already said you don’t have to so seize the opportunity to stay home if you don’t want to go by yourself.