Hi, hoping for some advice.
Background is I'm 21, live at home with my mum and dad. My mum is amazing. My dad has always been IMO and in dsis's emotionally and financially abusive towards her. He has pushed pretty much all of her family and friends away throughout their lives together, new friends come and then quickly go for some reason or another due to the way he is. She never felt that she could leave because she was a SAHM and did bits and bobs to help with his business rather than formal employment.
I have always worked and saved and am doing quite well and getting together a deposit for a house. My mum and dad had a second home abroad which they recently sold, with the proceeds they gave me £6k to go towards my savings. Obviously I was very grateful for this, but knowing how he can be I was a little wary. I am very independent and don't like relying on people for things too much, especially money.
They now have decided that they want to buy another (different) house abroad and want to retire there and live there permanently. They have made it very clear me living at home is a massive inconvenience to them because they can't sell this house. They had me later in life after a struggle to conceive again so I know I was very much wanted, but surely they thought about this part? I feel like I'm in the way, but I can't afford to live alone yet and me and my partner aren't ready to live together just yet.
They are going away again soon and are leaving me to look after the house and pets which is tricky as unlike them I work full time and am out of the house all day. The boiler is currently broken and you have to turn a knob to get the heating/hot water to work, it's been this way about 2 months now but they haven't got it fixed. Last night I went to turn the thing and it made a funny noise and the hot water didn't work like it usually has been. I said to dad I think it might be getting more broken and I'm worried it will break when they are away and I won't know what to do. Dad complained because he 'has no money' I said 'you can't pay to fix the boiler but you can pay for a second home!!?'
I haven't really seen him since but I just got in from work now and he mentioned the boiler is working when you release the pressure thing and that I must have been 'mistaken' last night but said it in a nasty way as if I was making it up? I just said 'oh right, I wasn't mistaken though it was being funny lastnight'. Then he said 'you know the comment you made lastnight about the second home, it's going to be a first home very soon'. Like a threat😂 I just thought how ridiculous, I'm not like mum you can't intimidate me with stupid remarks I'm stronger than that. I said 'oooooh that really got me' (which sounds stupid written down but wtf do you say to that) he then said well when the boiler breaks when we're away you can pay for it with the 6k I gave you. I thought wow I was waiting for this!! For him to use it against me!! I just said 'have it back I don't want it' he said 'I don't want it back' but really nastily.
I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to get the boiler fixed, I would be happy to pay toward it. The house is also really damp, there's water marks all over my ceiling because of leaks as it isn't maintained well and all of my clothes and sheet smell strongly of damp I have to use shedloads of unstoppables to get it smelling nice. My mum hates it too, we still try to keep it nice and cosy but mum won't stick up for herself even though she knows he has the money to sort things he just won't use it unless it's something that benefits him.
They are hinting for me to go and live with my boyfriend at his parents house and although I love my boyfriend I think that would put a lot of pressure on us and if something went wrong between us I would have nowhere to go.
Should I just give him the money back? I hate feeling like I owe him something or he has some kind of control over me because of it. However, the money is a big help and will allow me to leave home sooner. I feel so awful that mums had to put up with this for so long. He's not a nice person at all. I don't really want his money.
I realise I am very privileged and there are people much worse off in the world than me. I work with disadvantaged children and families every day and see the complex issues that that have, I am not unaware. I realise that this isn't the worst problem in the world.