AIBU - Fiance losing the plot?

[GrouchEnd]

Have been with DP for 8 years, have known him for a lot longer. Have never heard him so much as raise his voice. We were discussing wedding plans when he very casuslly mentioned getting photos printed and where we would have them at the ceremony and reception. He wants pictures of both his grandparents and his mother and father (all deceased) at the front of the alter, in full view of everyone taking centre stage. And somewhere at the reception. He says he told me about this, he defo didn't. Long story short when i objected to this he went absolutely mental, launched a laptop across the room, smashed a wine glass, and has fucked off. Not spoke to him since monday morning, ignoring all my calls. AIBU to want to have a say in what is centre stage at my own wedding? Did he over-react? I love him and he loves me, but i really do not a who's a who of dead relatives taking centre stage on our day. Any diplomatic resolutions?

Don't agree with the way he has been.

What family will he have there? Who is coming from your family?

My dh and I have both lost our grandparents and a parent each. In fact, I literally only have one living biological relative (well, other than my children but they didn’t exist yet when we got married). And I think this whole idea is pretty morbid. There are lots of ways to remember special people at your wedding (our officiant mentioned they and included them in a blessing) that aren’t so ostentatious. That said, anyone reacting this way over a disagreement about the wedding should raise some red flags. It’s shit to lose your parents and go through these life milestones without them, but that doesn’t excuse acting aggressively or violently.

And I think this whole idea is pretty morbid

Just because you think it is morbid, does not mean he has to feel that way as well. He is one of the people getting married so his wishes should be discussed and incorporated into the ceremony.

@GrouchEnd I had an idea which might help. getting an A1 poster printed is only about £20. not much more would get you A0 if required. A designer would probably only charge about £50 to sort the artwork out for this if you don't have the skills.

A poster in a clipframe propped in front of the altar showing pictures of you an DHTB in the centre, and then radiating out family-tree style pictures of both sets of parents and all four sets of grandparents. you could add in other design elements to fit it in with the theme of the wedding (colours, flowers, typeographic fonts etc) - then maybe it feels less morbid and more like a way of celebrating that this event is about creating a new family as the descendants of two families join together into one?

how has your DFs demeanor been since the outburst? how is he now? a sudden change in behaviour or personality - like eg a normally peaceful and agreeable person becoming violent and scary - can be an often-missed early warning symptom of something serious like a brain tumour.

To be fair, mindutophia my feelings after losing one parent were very different than when i had lost both and had no parents left.

I wonder what happened and whether they've spoken yet.

I have to say that it seems an extreme reaction. To start chucking stuff around makes it sound like he is having difficulty coming to terms with the idea of being married. IMHO

I think you are wrong avout the actual issue but he was very wrong to react the way he did. Have a talk about it honestly and with sensitivity

Oh, this has got to be a piss take. If it’s not then OP, you are a cunt of the highest order. Have a word with yourself and stop being so fucking selfish.