To have fallen out with my brother today

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

My DB has a little girl’s whose just turned 2. We have a 5 YO DD who can be noisy, energetic and ever so slightly irritating at times but there’s no nastiness with her. She’s lovely and gentle with her little cousin.

My brother has been going through a hard time recently, he’s split with his GF who has gone back to her ex, fair enough, not the best of thugs to have to go through.

I’ve noticed recently that he’s been really quite short with DD. Sometimes it’s maybe called for example being if she’s getting in Dniece’s face a bit much but other times it feels like he’s snapping because he doesn’t like her.

If she tries to give him a cuddle he recoils - just recently I get the feeling that he absolutely dispises her.

Last week he’d snapped at her yet again so I’d snapped at him back and asked what his problem was. He said nothing and that he was just having a bad day so I reminded him that I wasn’t DD’s fault that he was having a bad day and that I wouldn’t dream of snapping at his little girl like that.

Today he came round again with DN. He changed her nappy as soon as he got here. DN was still laid on the floor and trying to pull her shoes off. DD went over and pulled her shoes off for her, we have a rule about no shoes in the house and DD was talking about this rule as she took the shoes off. My brother then walks back into the living room whilst DD is taking the shoes off and tells her to stop taking them off as he’s just put them back on. DD replies ‘but we have a rule that we’re not allowed to wear shoes isn’t thw house.’ I’m absolute mortified by what happened next, he grabbed my DD and plonked her down, pretty much from mid air with no care whatsoever, she stumbled back, didn’t hurt herself but it was the manner in which it was done. He had a face like thunder and it was quite aggressive like he couldn’t control his temper. He then snatched the shoes off DD and swore at her. I’ve told him to get out of our home. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my own child never mind someone else’s.

I’m so upset for DD. After he’d gone she said ‘he hates me, doesn’t he?’

There’s no nastiness in her at all. She shares and plays nicely and is so gentle with younger children. Even her teachers have commented on how lovely she is with the younger children in the school.

I’m so upset and shocked by his behavior.

OP you are DNBU. At least your brother knows how the land lies at yours. It is just a shame your mum doesn't feel she can throw him out of her house. How is the relationship with her exDIL, maybe she can throw some light on it.

@SalemBlackCat4 I am training so hard to drown out your incessant white noise on this serious thread. May I respectfully suggest you start your own AIBU on bare feet, cow regulations, concrete paths & picket fences in your own location of lahlah land?

Trying *

@SalemBlackCat4 well you know we love to live by the seat of our pants in the UK, dangerous living and all that. The owner of the livery yard I used to keep my horse at regularly had her very old, belligerent Shetland pony wandering into her kitchen during summer months, admittedly he was a bit of a Houdini, and had often escaped from a nearby paddock. I'm glad to say no one was maimed or injured ever.
I'm pleased however you live in such a safe country - I'm sure you sleep well at night knowing you won't be killed by some off course livestock

Farming regulations! FFS, where I'm from, cows roam free from May to October. They sometimes got into the school playground and once into our garden.

Clearly YANBU OP and your brother has issues. I hope he gets over them soon for your DN's sake and your poor parents.

@subspace I guess ignorance of third world practices and unsafe procedures may be cute to you, since you don't seem to know any better, but to most people large, dangerous beasts that can be unpredictable and ram, stomp or kill a child if gotten into a house would be a serious concern to responsible parents. Or, to anyone with a capacity to think and reason. I don't live somewhere primitive where that is allowed to happen, so forgive me my ignorance of your unregulated and unsafe practices. I guess safety regulations may be foreign to those who have never known them! confused What one takes for granted. hmm

I've decided I very much like Salem and am going to adopt her(/him/them) so that I, without my capacity to think or reason, can cuddle them with my oversized baggy jumper with the holes in and mud and pony and cow hair and sweat and shit all over it. It's the only way I, from my poor humble primitive dangerous non-safety regulated, large animals stomping kicking and killing children left right and centre foreign muck land Wales know!

nobody tell her I've been teaching people to ride these large unpredictable and dangerous beasts for a living for nearly 20 years now

Sorry for my part in side tracking from such a serious and horrific matter OP. Your latest update is really very worrying, just goes to show you were not being unreasonable at all.

I hope your brother gets the help he desperately seems to need. Do for goodness sake keep your DD away from their house and him until you're certain he's sorted himself out properly, but I'm sure you don't need us to tell you that.

Your dn doesn't sound safe living in a house where people come to blows, pin each other up against the wall and punch holes in the wall

I love that picture of the cow.

The only thing your db needed to say after your dd had explained about the no shoes rule was: thanks dn, I didn't know about the no shoes rule, it was kind of you help dd take her shoes off.

We all have times when we assume a child is doing something naughty then find out they're not. An apology or an admittance you got the wrong end of the stick is a good way to show children how to admit you are wrong with good grace.

But it sounds like your brother has serious issues.

Wow, the comments on here are a mess.
A 5 year old helping their 2 year old cousin take off their shoes after they've come indoors would not get a reaction in the real world. There is nothing unusual/rude/aggressive about that behaviour.

The brother though, that is just out of order.

Yes, aren't you worried sick about your neice now?

Your brother has severe anger and substance abuse issues OP.,and judging by the derailment of this thread so do many of the previous posters on here!!!! Bloody hell I hope some of you are hungover or still buzzed and you don't really believe what you've posted! That cow is so cute! I just sold my home in beautiful,bucolic central Virginia in the middle of vineyards,expensive horses,cattle and orchid nurseries-never knew how dangerous it was there!

Your mother needs to remove him from her home.
His ex probably left him as she realised he was controlling.
With all the new info i wouldnt even bother resching out.

I can't even read the full thread because of posters saying that your 5 year old child was rude. She's 5 and even if she was rude - that's part of her age appropriate development... plus he had absolutely no right to show his aggression to her, if he was going to snap and show his annoyance he should have said something to the parents not his niece.

But actually I don't think she was being rude at all, she was being matter of fact. It's what she is told and she was reiterating it.

Even if she was being annoying - children are annoying and it's up to their parents to manage this, not other adults who have no part of her upbringing or discipline. The child's parent was there, he wasn't looking after her, he had no reason to discipline her. If she'd have been purposely harming his child I can understand the snapping and need to move her out of the way, this is unreal.

If your brother is usually a calm person he will hopefully seek help for his anger and the issues in his life and come back to you the person he really is.

Sorry if I've missed any revelations that would totally change what I've written because I couldn't bear to read any more!! Xx

Such a serious thread, so derailed.
Op sorry for your situation you are so not in the wrong. But love your cow.

Salembacteriofobia, this is the funniest derail of a serious thread in a long time.
Subspace please sent photos of you cuddles 😂

Salem what country are you in? France?

@Iswallowtoothpaste

Do you think your DB would see a doctor? He sounds very unwell to me

@DerelictWreck Australia. Home of the outback, and cattle.

For others who may be interested, I say may, as it appears some simply don't care about risks and don't want to know and would rather ridicule those who merely dare to say 'hang on! What about the safety aspect?' and of course they won't be bothered to read such information as to them it's all a big joke, but this is a UK study. It seems attacks from cattle are common but there is no legislation or even reporting mechanism. I find that unbelievable. "Injuries and deaths caused by cows are unfortunately not as uncommon as you might think in our region and beyond.

Cows pose a safety risk to ramblers and walkers and have even been identified as the most deadly large animals in the UK."

theconversation.com/when-cows-attack-how-dangerous-are-cattle-and-how-can-you-stay-safe-around-them-79524

injuryprevention.bmj.com/content/22/6/437

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cows-officially-the-most-deadly-large-animals-in-britain-a6727266.html

killercows.co.uk/facts-stats/cattle-attack-statistics-an-alternative-view/

(PS I work from home and do a lot of researching so it is a very quick and easy thing for me to research something, just in case I am going to be called 'obsessed' for daring to actually back up my arguments)
And with that, I am out of here.

YANBU op.
Your brother needs to give his head a wobble and your DM needs to stop enabling him.

The derailing is really annoying and SalemBlackCat comes across as a sanctimonious fool with mouldy fungus feet. Maybe even a troll with the amount of shit they’ve spouted.
Mumsnet are quick to delete threads and posts, perhaps they should delete posts that are deliberately goady and derail a thread.

Bloody hell OP, serious issues with your brother.
Drugs? Does he do body building and take steroids?
I think you said DN doesn’t actually live with him?

Salem: please do not come camping in the UK. There are campsites in the new forest where wild ponies roam freely amongst people protected only by flimsy tents!

YANBU. Avoid your brother for a while. It sounds like alcohol/drug/chemical frustrations.

Is your mum happy to keep letting him stay there?

I don’t know where to start....

I agree about shoeless carpets,
I love your cow,
but most of all, I hope your dd is ok.

What a shit thing to happen, but at least you have been made aware of how serious your brothers behaviour is, before he does real damage to someone. I wish you all the best op.

Salem please start your own thread about your smelly feet. Thanks.

This made me

I don’t want to jump on the band wagon here but salem I am fascinated by your lengthy and nonsensical posts. Please never name change I want to be able to keep track of you across the boards.

Why doesn't your mother chuck your brother out if he won't pay his way?

Please can someone advise me of how to start my very first post? I could really do with advice. Thank you x