To have fallen out with my brother today

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

My DB has a little girl’s whose just turned 2. We have a 5 YO DD who can be noisy, energetic and ever so slightly irritating at times but there’s no nastiness with her. She’s lovely and gentle with her little cousin.

My brother has been going through a hard time recently, he’s split with his GF who has gone back to her ex, fair enough, not the best of thugs to have to go through.

I’ve noticed recently that he’s been really quite short with DD. Sometimes it’s maybe called for example being if she’s getting in Dniece’s face a bit much but other times it feels like he’s snapping because he doesn’t like her.

If she tries to give him a cuddle he recoils - just recently I get the feeling that he absolutely dispises her.

Last week he’d snapped at her yet again so I’d snapped at him back and asked what his problem was. He said nothing and that he was just having a bad day so I reminded him that I wasn’t DD’s fault that he was having a bad day and that I wouldn’t dream of snapping at his little girl like that.

Today he came round again with DN. He changed her nappy as soon as he got here. DN was still laid on the floor and trying to pull her shoes off. DD went over and pulled her shoes off for her, we have a rule about no shoes in the house and DD was talking about this rule as she took the shoes off. My brother then walks back into the living room whilst DD is taking the shoes off and tells her to stop taking them off as he’s just put them back on. DD replies ‘but we have a rule that we’re not allowed to wear shoes isn’t thw house.’ I’m absolute mortified by what happened next, he grabbed my DD and plonked her down, pretty much from mid air with no care whatsoever, she stumbled back, didn’t hurt herself but it was the manner in which it was done. He had a face like thunder and it was quite aggressive like he couldn’t control his temper. He then snatched the shoes off DD and swore at her. I’ve told him to get out of our home. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my own child never mind someone else’s.

I’m so upset for DD. After he’d gone she said ‘he hates me, doesn’t he?’

There’s no nastiness in her at all. She shares and plays nicely and is so gentle with younger children. Even her teachers have commented on how lovely she is with the younger children in the school.

I’m so upset and shocked by his behavior.

How many people a year are trampled to death by cows in their own home?

Is that your loo? Having a cow staring at me while I was having a shit would be most off putting!

Pooing whilst mooing!

Omg OP that is awful your mum shouldn't have kept that from you, but poor her having to deal with your brother wreaking her house. It honestly does sound like a social services situation.

@Goldmandra Maybe you should re-read the thread then, as there are obviously many on here exhibiting that Hyacinth-like phobia.....

@subspace
(I'd have asked the horses to take their shoes off first, but they were sweaty barefoot anyway)

@Celebelly Luckily not many, thanks to housing regulations. Real life savers.

@SalemBlackCat4

Blimey, talk about a dog with a bone.

Let it go for goodness' sake!

Omg I'd sorry op but I'd be curious if my mum kept that from me. I wouldn't have him around your daughter at all atm

salem has to be taking the mickey ... right?? No one could actually spend that much of their day typing aimlessly about shoes and cows and regulations without hoping it will amuse someone ... right?

@Nanny0gg I had awhile ago, but people are still sniping at me. I'm not one to ignore a snipe or attack. Especially when all I am saying is basic common sense and back up by examples or law. I've done or said nothing that isn't basic truth, yet I've been abused and accused of needing to see a GP for mental issues.

OP, would your DM be capable of ensuring that you DN is safe if your DB loses his temper with her?

@pallisers So I am not supposed to reply to people who @ me, really? Really?

Love your nosey cow having a peek inside.
I've noticed a lot of the people defending your bro are fixated on her saying that you take shoes ooff in the house. Did they not read the bit where he lifted her up and plonked her down onto the floor in temper? that sounds way too rough and she could easily have fallen backwards and hit the ground.
He's an arse, glad you told him to leave.

Salem it isn't the mud i'm worried about. Mud hoovers up. It's the other nasties you inadvertently step in - pigeon crap, dog pee as well as (what we currently seem to be suffering) car oil from some numpty with a constant leak. Not things i want on my carpet where my baby rolls around & plays with his toys...which then go in his mouth. I'd be too scared to let my kids sit on your floor tbh.

As for your 'foreign regulations' bullshit, dozens of working farms up & down the UK (please take note, that means UNITED KINGDOM) have similar set ups to the OP. Banging on about foreign countries makes you look like a petulant child losing a game of Monopoly. You are wrong about farm regulations. Suck. It. Up

OP did your mum say why she didn't tell you about your brother's outburst? I'd be really miffed. I was told about an incident with my own DD & a work colleague (also a friend) whereby he blew up at her because she 'ignored' him - she was practically deaf in one ear, something he knew & hadn't heard him. It was dealt with swiftly by two other adults but the fact I wasn't told until after made me angry. And it was with held because they knew i would go batshit.

OP, do you often leave your DC at your mum's?

Because you can't at the moment.

@Pissedoffdotcom Did the OP say they are from the UK? This is an international forum, right? I am NOT wrong about farming regulations in MY country, so you should suck that up. I just did a quick check where I am, and there is a minimum of so many metres from the boundary of the dwelling to where the fencing for livestock must be. I am RIGHT about farming regulations where I am. For safety reasons (and, until today, I would have thought common sense reasons, but clearly common sense is not common) it is illegal for livestock to wander within certain distances of a dwelling.

I know, I didn’t realise how bad he was getting. My mum said that him and my stepdad have come to blows several times and had each other pinned up against the wall. She said he speaks to her like crap, swears at her when she asks him for his board and lodgings money and doesn’t contribute at all towardshousehold tasks/chores. He’s got a very well paid job - I don’t understand why he doesn’t rent somewhere unless he’s saving up for a deposit but the brand new Audi he has sitting on the drive and new motorbike in the shed tells me he’s doing anything but saving.

Mum says she’s never seen him lose his rag with DN, nor have I to be honest but with the way he was with my DD today in front of me I can’t help but worry eithe

YANBU OP.

YANBU in your reaction to DB.
YANBU in asking visitors to take their shoes off.
And YADNBU for posting the cow photo.

You've protected your DD and there is everything right with that, I wish every parent did the same.

@Pissedoffdotcom most of those seem harmless, bacteria on our own bodies are far worse, and I would not allow my child anywhere on your floor tbh as it doesn't sound hygienic at all. It is strange what some allow but balk at other things. I guess if the foot bacteria didn't kill my child, a stray bull may. Either way I wouldn't take any chance. lol In seriousness, I am not the one acting like a petulant child. I have been abused and met with aggressive hostility for daring to suggest that livestock being so close to a residential dwelling may just cause a danger. Almost as if people resent me pointing this out. Instead of shooting the messenger, maybe ask yourself why you are acting so childishly over someone merely pointing out a fact?

@Nanny0gg it’s very rare that DD goes up to my mum’s house on her own. I’m usually always there if we pay a visit.

@SalemBlackCats4 we had an inspection very recently. NOTHING was said about the cows being in the field close to our house. Evidently not an issue.

I would agree with @Nanny0gg that you shouldn't leave your DD with your DM, OP. She didn't tell you how your DB spoke to your DD at the time and that's very worrying.

I had to tell my DM not to allow my DB in the house when she was looking after one of my DDs and I've kept him away from them. He used to be aggressive towards them, and my DSis's DC, shouting at them. I remember seeing DD1 shrink away from him when she saw him at church and I realised that she was afraid of him.

It's sad, he hasn't seen either my DDs or my DSis's DC in over 2 years, but he just can't cope with young children at all. (He has serious MH issues.)

I'd be very concerned about the safety of your DN as well, quite frankly, as your DB sounds like a very angry man. I would agree with PPs saying that this sounds like a case for SS, sadly.

Had to come and say how gorgeous your cow is! What a view!
I hope your DD is ok, and good luck moving forward with your brother. He’s obviously not coping with the break up and becoming a part time single dad.

@Iswallowtoothpaste You have definitely made the right decision to not have him around your daughter judging by your recent posts. He sounds very dangerous, and I also would fear for his own daughter. Perhaps your mum and stepdad can stage an intervention or together force him to leave their house? Maybe even with the help of police.

Cross post, I'm glad to see that it's rare for your DM to be looking after your DD without you there. But I think you might need to consider not allowing contact until your DB's anger is more under control. Your DD is clearly picking up on him taking out his anger on her.