To have fallen out with my brother today

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

My DB has a little girl’s whose just turned 2. We have a 5 YO DD who can be noisy, energetic and ever so slightly irritating at times but there’s no nastiness with her. She’s lovely and gentle with her little cousin.

My brother has been going through a hard time recently, he’s split with his GF who has gone back to her ex, fair enough, not the best of thugs to have to go through.

I’ve noticed recently that he’s been really quite short with DD. Sometimes it’s maybe called for example being if she’s getting in Dniece’s face a bit much but other times it feels like he’s snapping because he doesn’t like her.

If she tries to give him a cuddle he recoils - just recently I get the feeling that he absolutely dispises her.

Last week he’d snapped at her yet again so I’d snapped at him back and asked what his problem was. He said nothing and that he was just having a bad day so I reminded him that I wasn’t DD’s fault that he was having a bad day and that I wouldn’t dream of snapping at his little girl like that.

Today he came round again with DN. He changed her nappy as soon as he got here. DN was still laid on the floor and trying to pull her shoes off. DD went over and pulled her shoes off for her, we have a rule about no shoes in the house and DD was talking about this rule as she took the shoes off. My brother then walks back into the living room whilst DD is taking the shoes off and tells her to stop taking them off as he’s just put them back on. DD replies ‘but we have a rule that we’re not allowed to wear shoes isn’t thw house.’ I’m absolute mortified by what happened next, he grabbed my DD and plonked her down, pretty much from mid air with no care whatsoever, she stumbled back, didn’t hurt herself but it was the manner in which it was done. He had a face like thunder and it was quite aggressive like he couldn’t control his temper. He then snatched the shoes off DD and swore at her. I’ve told him to get out of our home. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my own child never mind someone else’s.

I’m so upset for DD. After he’d gone she said ‘he hates me, doesn’t he?’

There’s no nastiness in her at all. She shares and plays nicely and is so gentle with younger children. Even her teachers have commented on how lovely she is with the younger children in the school.

I’m so upset and shocked by his behavior.

Salem please start your own thread about your smelly feet. Thanks.

You wouldn’t get in my door with shoes on that’s simple

Interesting that you are more concerned by the fact DD maintained house rules rather than the physical aggression shown by an adult. Does that mean if I lamped you cos you're annoying me going on about foot sweat I'd be well within my rights? I'm going to guess not...

Even carpet people talk about how feet cause issues to carpets.
The feet are some of the sweatiest parts of the human body, producing oils that work deep into the fibers of your carpets and trap dirt.

Bacteria thrive in sweat, causing odor, which is why the inside of your shoes often smell unpleasant. Those same bacteria growing oils can be transferred to your carpet from your bare feet, causing a smell, creating spots and even eating away at carpet. fibers.carterscarpet.com/better-wear-shoes-go-barefoot-carpet/

"Have you ever asked yourself whether going barefoot indoors is good or bad? Have you ever visited someone and they insisted on you leaving your shoes at the door and going inside the house barefoot?

Well, this is because most people believe that being barefoot on the carpet is good because it prevents the carpet from getting dirty. Sorry to burst your bubble but this is wrong. It is better to put on socks, slippers, or rubber soled shoes than to step on the carpet with nothing on your feet.

Studies have shown that the human skin naturally releases moisture which comes out as oils or sweats. When you are barefoot, the sweat or moisture will move to the carpet, and some traces of it will remain on your carpet fibers. Body moisture and your carpet do not make a good combination. This is because the moisture in the carpet will attract surrounding dust and dirt.

Soil will get attracted to the moisture, and this will accumulate over time. It may be difficult to notice this immediately because the dust, dirt, and dander may be in insignificant amounts. However, with time you will notice the damage done and eventually brown spots will start to appear on your carpet.

There is evidence that shows that our feet are the sweatiest part of our bodies. Therefore, when you walk around the house barefoot, you sweat a lot and sweat nurtures bacteria. Bacteria usually has a foul odor, and that is why you might find your feet, and the carpet smells bad.

If you want to prove this theory, just take a whiff at the insides of your shoes (especially men shoes or closed shoes for ladies) after wearing them for an entire day. When your sweat makes bacteria grow on the carpet, it will destroy your carpet fibers and give off a bad odor.

Also, the bacteria can grow unpleasant things on your carpet which can later become spots. Therefore, you need to protect your carpet and make it smell fresh by not stepping on it with your barefoot.

It is funny that some of the practices we engage in to protect our carpet destroy them. An excellent example is walking barefoot on the carpet. Many people will tell that they go barefoot while in the house to protect their carpets not knowing that they are doing the opposite. It is not easy to stop a habit, but you can train yourself."
arevalobroscarpetcleaning.com/bare-feet-bad-carpet/

Ever heard of socks???? Or slippers? Google them, they're amazing

@salem, it's a very common sign of politeness in most houses, from China to the UK, to TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES when you enter. To avoid wet mud, dried mud falling off later, animal poo, and germs being transferred to the carpet / floor where children in particular sit and play.

nutbag

How on earth can this thread, about unreasonable force and physical aggression towards a 5 year old, actually morph into the same old deathly dull argument about shoes on or off in the house? It's fucking madness.

@bibbitybobbityyhat Took the words right out of my mouth!

@TenForward82 In many countries it is seen as a sign of impoliteness. Also there is a wonderful invention called a door mat. You wipe your shoes on them and you can then walk in the house. Much better than people's dirty cheesy feet sweat and skin cells damaging the carpet and floor, and in particular where children sit and play.

Nutbag indeed

What a load of odd responses you've had in this thread OP. Even if your daughter was the most annoying kid in the planet, even if she'd roughly yanked off dn's shoes - even if she'd walloped DN, even if she was rude to your bro, you don't respond physically, aggressively, or swearily to a 5 year old and you were quite right to ask him to go. What's more, I'm quite sure you've done a very good thing for your own relationship with your daughter.

🙄🙄🙄

I know there are plenty on here who will tie themselves in knots to defend male aggression towards females, but defending it towards a five year old is a new low.

Omg! You've completely derailed this @SalemBlackCat4 !

I'm sorry but walking in shit then wiping on a mat isn't going to get rid of all the shit on your shoes. Do you have kids? Do they wipe their feet well on a mat then walk around on carpets? Anyway.... Your posts have nothing to do with the ops thread, so run along now please

Omg @SalemBlackCat4 I am amazed that you are so obsessed with sweat and bacteria! I live in a normal urban street, unfortunately dogs regularly wee (and poo ) on my street. Now I could wipe all I like but residue would still be on my shoes unless I had a disinfectant shoe wash at the door!

OP your brother was way out line. Your dd is of an age where she has enough insight to notice that not everyone is nice or likes her. That’s hurts a lot, worse when it’s a family member. Sounds to me like she is a typical 5 year old! And she was helping her cousin. The anger is worrying but also the refusal of physical affection. This is one incident that was very obvious but part of a pattern that isn’t very nice to your dd.

He maybe miserable after a failed relationship (sounds like it was his own fault for being obsessive), but that is no excuse whatsoever to emotionally hurt and bully a child. I wouldn’t be quick to forgive.

I no longer speak to my brother after he repeatedly failed to give my dd a card, present, phone call etc for birthday’s and Xmas.

@maxthemartian

Couldn't have out it better myself. I am so shocked.

SalemBlackCat Your post says "It is better to put on socks, slippers, or rubber soled shoes than to step on the carpet with nothing on your feet."

But no one is talking about being bare footed. Generally people take their dirty, muddy, possibly poo-ey shoes off and leave on nice, clean socks to walk around inside. You said yourself that socks are a good option!

@Zofloramummy I am amazed at the people on here who seem to continually walk right into dog shit. Most people would watch where they walk. Sure, occasionally you may accidentally step in poo and not notice, but if it is as common as people are making out on here, then I question if they are watching where they are walking. Being so obsessed about the possibility that someone walks in shit that they cannot wipe off on a mat (which most people are easily able to wipe all off on) is what I call obsessed. It is seen as Hyacinth level obsessed snobbery where I live, to be so obsessed that you make people take your shoes off! Ridiculous. Anyway, I didn't mean to derail the thread, it is just that it was part of the OP I was responding to. And that Hyacinth-level (there was even a Keeping Up Appearances episode where she made people take off their shoes before they entered! and that is what I think of when uppity people demand you take your shoes off before you deign to enter their home) snobbery and fussiness is something that many mock and have disdain for. I think it is offensive to invite people to your home and then ask them to take off a part of their clothing/shoes.

@Blatherskite Not everyone wears socks. Many do not. Where I live, women can wear heels and no socks. If you take off your shoes, you are barefoot. Also, I would think the average person is not treading in muddy and pooey places, I really think that's a bit extreme. I wouldn't assume people coming to my home are traipsing in mud and animal shit. It is not something I normally think about. Besides, we have a door mat for that purpose.

Absolutely disgusted at this side argument that is going on on a serious thread about physical aggression towards a little child. Take it off board you people who want to argue about bacteria on carpet FOR FRIFFS SAKE.

Anyway, I apologise for derailing the thread. I did think twice before writing my initial response, I even said it wouldn't be liked. It is just the uppity practice of asking people to remove their shoes really jars with me.

@SalemBlackCat4 Are you reading the Ops posts? She lives on a FARM! In this case it's not extreme at all. She's said specifically that people walk across mud to get to her front door. She's said cows do the same - leaving poo! And I doubt many people are turning up in heels in that environment. More likely wellies....and welly socks!

We're not talking about where you live

@salem what the fuck is your obsession with feet and shoes? Are you one of those eBay fetishists who buy used shoes? Anyway back to the point of the thread:
Op your brother was being an aggressive dick. Even if your daughter was being annoying and arguing with him or whatever other crap excuse people want to throw at a baby, because at five they're basically still babies, it's not ok to be physical aggressive and sweary. Not on. Not ok. Glad you kicked him out. Don't ever have him back

If @SalemBlackCat4 is not bothered about people taking shoes off, I'll drop round for a coffee after I've spent the day on my yard with the horses, I'll wipe my boots on your mat I'm sure that will get all the shit and mud off
I mean what's horse shit and mud compared to my rank sweaty hobbit feet

Your brother was obviously totally out of order but as it was also out of character it's good you are going to call him. Maybe there is something daft behind all of this and siblings are precious, it would be a shame for a permanent rift in the family to develop. There was a thread on here the other day about a niece that kept telling her she hated her. Is it possible your daughter has said something to him or your niece he's taken to heart? My five year old can come out with utterly ludicrous statements at times! Perhaps your brother hasn't moved on from his own dc being a baby to a child and has no real understanding of small children? They can be unnerving. None of that excuses his behaviour but hopefully there's a way back