To ask for a good comeback to "Oh you're from the Philippines! We have the most lovely Filipino maid/nanny/cleaner"

[Kalimotxo]

I'm from the Philippines, been living in the UK for 10 years, have a postgraduate degree in STEM, work in a large corporate business, earn £150k pa.

Not sure if I should take offence when people find out where I'm from, and the first thing they say is how they have (or had) the most wonderful Filipino nanny, maid or cleaner.

One of the people I got this type of comment from was the head of my department, at the end of a job interview (I got the job). I only smiled as felt I couldn't say anything back.

WhileI have complete admiration for Filipinas working in any field including caring and cleaning, I don't have anything to do with them at all. I don't know any maids, I don't have family who work as one of them (they are lawyers, doctors, teachers, businessmen back in the Philippines).

Do people with a Polish background get the same kind of comments? Or Latinas living in the US? Is it a racist or rude comment, even if the person saying it genuinely likes their help?

Still no response from anyone then, as to whether my friend who is a top surgeon and was mistaken for an HMV worker, was as entitled to be offended as Barack Obama who was mistaken for a car valet?

Interesting. Cherry picking your outrage to suit. Mumsnet never fails to deliver!

And why exactly should Obama have been offended? Is a car valet not a good enough job? Some people are really showing their true colours on here.

@silvercuckoo
I am Eastern European, and I was asked by my oldest child's school admin staff about whether I could provide cleaning services for the school...

Yeah I am sure that happened.......

silvercuckoo

Yet I am a professional on a six figure salary.

Good for you! 👍

@silvercuckoo

Someone who is in a top job being mistaken for someone working in HMV is much more likely to be true (and IS true!) than someone hearing a Eastern European accent and saying 'can you be my cleaner?' So ridiculous that it's actually laughable.......

Same as the claims from so many (on mumsnet,) that they are on a six figure salary. Less than 4% of the UK working population earn that, and yet on EVERY thread on mumsnet, someone comes along and makes this outlandish claim. What's even funnier is that they expect people to believe them!

Oh and SHOCKER! Still no response as to whether my friend was allowed to be offended at being mistaken for an HMV worker when they are a top surgeon? (Seeing as people are SOOOOOO horrified at Barack Obama being mistaken for a car valet...) As I said, typical cherry picking of outrage that I always see on here.

If they were both friends of yours who had been living in the UK for a short period of time and maybe didn't have any other friends from back home, why wouldn't you introduce them if you thought they might get on/have shared interests?

Sierra once again BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE ANY INTEREST AT ALL IN MEETING EACH OTHER
Because YOU wouod have found it nice doesn’t mean that THEY would find it nice. Nor the GP nor the bus driver. And ESPECIALLY if you know nothing about how social relationship work in their country of origin.
It’s nit because you wouod feel confortable if you were a GP to meet up with a bus driver (or the other way ariund) that this will be the case for every country.

The level of assumption that rules in every country have to be the same than in the U.K. is quite astonishing tbh.

Same with the idea that the OP was just stealth boast btw. Not every country would feel that stating your salary is swealth boast for example (it’s not in mine.....)

Does it sound OK to you? A little weird to me, because a completely irrelevant fact (Annie's occupation) is mentioned. If it was “oh my sister is called Annie, she also works in finance in the city, what a coincidence” - totally understandable.

Yes it sounds completely ok to me, as a natural progression of a conversation.

@redandyellowandpinkandgreen99
4% is actually one in 25 people, and I think the usual thread on MN has around a hundred posters (and MN is generally quite middle class, or at least such was my impression). I'd be more surprised if there was no one earning in this region on the thread.

I am not in a top job, actually in low/middle management with a couple of professional acronyms under my belt. And I'll come clean, I am not on six figures this tax year but a few thousand to the south (through cutting down my official hours), to avail of the 30 hours childcare offer which is financially more advantageous.

I think we have a winner with
How nice for you, our English cleaner is amazing. Couldn't run the household without her 😊

But has to be very deadpan

Fuck me
I would never say that to someone
Dicks

This sort of thing happens a lot. When I was in the USA in the '90s I was asked on two separate occasions whether I knew princess Diana! Some Americans seem to be under the impression that the UK is about half the size of the Isle of Wight and everyone knows everyone!

I cannot believe the number of intelligent, articulate MNetters on here who have explained, simply, and in great detail how this is racist stereotyping and the number of people who just don’t get it.

Oh I do get what’s being said. I just don’t agree with it. As a domestic worker myself - not a cleaner or a nanny but definitely providing a service I see nothing of offence in those who employ me mentioning how they know me. You can explain and explain but I won’t see anything but snobbery in this particular instance. People cannot mention a person they know who comes from the same country of origin as the person they are speaking to, unless that person is of a high status of employment? “Don’t mention domestic servants even if they are from the same place as me because I don’t want to be lumped in with them!” I’m reminded of the caste system actually. Google it if you don’t know what it is.

@silvercuckoo

I am not in a top job, actually in low/middle management with a couple of professional acronyms under my belt. And I'll come clean, I am not on six figures this tax year but a few thousand to the south (through cutting down my official hours), to avail of the 30 hours childcare offer which is financially more advantageous.

Yes of course dear........ Of COURSE you are in middle management on over £90K, with letters after your name. We ALL believe you.

Still no response as to whether my friend was allowed to be offended at being mistaken for an HMV worker when they are a top surgeon?
If this is a genuine question - I am not sure about being offended, but it seems - at the very least - to be an incident that had registered with your friend strongly, given that they told you about it and the feelings they experienced.

We ALL believe you.
Good then

Are you annoyed by the comments people make because you feel you are in a higher class bracket to cleaners, maids, nannies, etc? Would you feel less annoyed if people regularly said they know a Filipino doctor, engineer, scientist, etc?

Why was @silvercuckoo 's post deleted? all she said was if people don't think OP is on £150k then we can also doubt that red's friend is a top surgeon.

There are some sensitive folk on here, which is ironic considering they're all busy telling OP she is too sensitive and uppity.

OP, your post comes across that YOU look down on people who are cleaners etc - your comments about your family only being in professional roles etc.

What relevance is your salary too?

I had a a Brazilian friend who said a lot of peoples’ response to her telling them she came from Brazil was “oh, where the nuts come from”.

MIL comes from Peru. 'Like Paddington Bear?' is the most common response which she suffers with good grace. At least more people go there now so she gets to hear about trips to Machu Picchu and Lake Titicaca as well now. Lucky her!

OP I can completely understand why you would be offended, it's like the 'no, where are you really from...' conversations that people of colour born in this country are frequently subjected to. Some PPs are being quite disingenious pretending that (at best) unconscious racism isn't the root of the comments about cleaners. And if they really really didn't realise it would be perceived as a racist comment they should be listening to you (an actual person from the Philippines) telling them you find it racist. White fragility indeed (and I say that as a white person).

Why was @silvercuckoo 's post deleted? all she said was if people don't think OP is on £150k then we can also doubt that red's friend is a top surgeon.
I do not mind actually, I don't think that the discussion turned in the friendly or appropriate direction after my post.
It also made me question myself about why I sometimes feel a need to cite my own income in discussions around race/ immigration/"us and them" etc. I guess at some point I became very insecure about the topic, especially after the referendum, and need to - kind of - exonerate myself pre-emptively, before someone comes and says: "but ARE you actually a net contributor or not" (and I had people like this even in the offline world). I guess the OP might have the same experience.

I'd be pretty pissed off if I told someone I was Irish and was expected to chat about the men who tarmaced their drive 😁

Re the Barak Obama car valet thing; black person + assumption that they must be a valet = subconscious bias that ethnic minorities are in roles of servitude= internalised racism at the very least.
There’s nothing wrong with being a valet, but why is it a well known story? Why does it resonate?
Because there is such a difference between a senator and a valet in terms of what you have to do and accomplish to get there.
There’s nothing wrong with being a cleaner, but do you want to be stereotyped? You are much more than your role.
Associating a whole nation with a certain job or profession creates a sense of “otherness” without acknowledging the diversity of the nationality.

I’m really trying hard to articulate my point without being offensive.

And failing. Sorry.

People just try to make conversation. But yes it can be rude.
I'm French so i get the 'we have a lovely home in the south of france' 'we plan to retire in the south of france' (not anymore haha!) 'we went camping in France last summer' and the bad attempts at speaking French. Annoying yes. But i can't get too worked up about it.
My DH is Indian so the assumption tends to be that he is a doctor and last time at the hospital (for our son) he got the staff discount at the canteen without saying anything (he is not at all a NHS worker, he is a doctor but in the PhD sense, not the medical sense). That was quite funny actually. And the doctors tend to be more careful around him too or start going into quite technical jargon that he doesn't understand...

I can see why the OP would be annoyed by the comments she gets but i don't think there is any ill will or actual racism.

@Juells

I just read upthread you are from Dun Laoghaire. I actually lived there for a couple of months while working on a project in Dublin, I can only say it tops the list of my favouritest places to live in the world (and I was a bit of a mercenary before settling down in London).
That early morning trip on DART while staring mindlessly at Dublin Bay wins the prize for the most pleasant commute in the world hands down.
Haven't seen the yellow volks though, not even once.

What Pugwash said...

I'm 'foreign' and get the same crass inane comments every so often - even in so-called professional environments...

That early morning trip on DART while staring mindlessly at Dublin Bay wins the prize for the most pleasant commute in the world hands down.

It is lovely, isn't it?

I couldn't quite figure out, either, why one claim was suspect while another was totally true