To ask for a good comeback to "Oh you're from the Philippines! We have the most lovely Filipino maid/nanny/cleaner"

[Kalimotxo]

I'm from the Philippines, been living in the UK for 10 years, have a postgraduate degree in STEM, work in a large corporate business, earn £150k pa.

Not sure if I should take offence when people find out where I'm from, and the first thing they say is how they have (or had) the most wonderful Filipino nanny, maid or cleaner.

One of the people I got this type of comment from was the head of my department, at the end of a job interview (I got the job). I only smiled as felt I couldn't say anything back.

WhileI have complete admiration for Filipinas working in any field including caring and cleaning, I don't have anything to do with them at all. I don't know any maids, I don't have family who work as one of them (they are lawyers, doctors, teachers, businessmen back in the Philippines).

Do people with a Polish background get the same kind of comments? Or Latinas living in the US? Is it a racist or rude comment, even if the person saying it genuinely likes their help?

Where are you from?
Poland
Our cleaner is from Poland!
So is ours.

I don't find it offensive but I know that from that point on the conversation will go in a very boring and predictable direction.

I think some people just love to get offended about nothing - 'racist, reductive, stereotyping yada yada....' FGS they were only making conversation! Do people have to take their words out and look at them, to make sure they won't offend some little fragile snowflake?

I am sick to effing death of people taking offence at EVERY damn thing people say, when they clearly mean no offence by it! FFS, everyone gets stereotyped in some way, at some time or other! We just don't all make a song and a dance about it.

And yeah there is something very snobby about the OP's first post. Reading between the lines, she DOES think she is above cleaners and maids.

FWIW, I know around TEN people (in my town,) from the Philippines, and they are all in the care industry and service industry. No lawyers, or surgeons, and none of them are on even a QUARTER of 150K a year.

Just saying.

Yes I see nothing wrong, it was human error and a mistake of the person who handed it to Obama.
I don't see your point. Should Obama feel ashamed they assumed he was a clean cut worker.

@firesuit

For the people who think she is being unreasonably snobbish to mind being put in the same category as a cleaner, do you also think there was nothing wrong with Senator Obama being mistakenly handed the keys to parks someone's car for them, given that there's nothing wrong with being a valet?

I can't see the big deal about this. My friend is a top surgeon at a big hospital in London, and he was walking around HMV in the summer, and a lady asked him where there blu ray dvds were.... Should he have been mortally offended that he was mistaken for a shop worker?

Or are we cherry picking who is allowed to be offended now?

It’s a good rule not to start a conversation with a foreign-sounding or ethnic-looking person by asking where they’re from. They will have had many negative experiences which started like that.

firesuit I forgot to tag on my pp.

I was asked by my oldest child's school admin staff about whether I could provide cleaning services for the school. Out of nowhere, they know very little about me, and my work address they have on file is in the City. I am a professional on a six figure salary, but fortunate enough to be Eastern European.

I was really upset about this, to be honest. I totally understand how you feel, OP, but I cannot think of any witty comeback. I think it is better not to engage, people do this on purpose, and are probably expecting some sort of entertainment.

Another thing that irks me, which I think you might have had too with your heritage, is: "Ah yes, my uncle / neighbour / whoever got married to an Eastern European mail-order model, and she turned to be a gold-digger, dumped him and got his house". Well great, what do you expect from me, an apology?

red so what’s your point?

You’re sick of hearing about racism so we should all shut up about it, and besides, Filipino/as DO all work as cleaners so it’s bloody true anyway!!!!

You’re the reason we’re still complaining.

White fragility is racist because it's about White people

It took me a while to pick my jaw off the floor but yep those comments have appeared on a thread where a Fillipino woman is being told she's got a chip on her shoulder about racial stereotyping SHE is experiencing.

Just wow

I had a a Brazilian friend who said a lot of peoples’ response to her telling them she came from Brazil was “oh, where the nuts come from”. There’s no answer to that!
I haven't read the whole thread so someone else might have mentioned this but it's a quote from a play called Charley's Aunt. There's probably no real answer to it though.

I had a a Brazilian friend who said a lot of peoples’ response to her telling them she came from Brazil was “oh, where the nuts come from”. There’s no answer to that!

Pugwash1's comment all the way!

do you also think there was nothing wrong with Senator Obama being mistakenly handed the keys to parks someone's car for them, given that there's nothing wrong with being a valet?

Completely different example, firesuit, as no one is assuming OP is a cleaner just because she's from the Philippines.

silvercuckoo
I was asked by my oldest child's school admin staff about whether I could provide cleaning services for the school

You must be a very self-controlled person :(

Also, firesuit, your comment about most people from the Philippines being more likely to be nurses: on a day to day basis, if you don't work in healthcare, A) how much time do we really spend in hospitals? and B) how often do we ask the nurse/doctor where they are from?

Statistically speaking, it's much more likely that we know the nationality of the people we hire and not the nurse that treated us once 5 years ago at the hospital.

I was asked by my oldest child's school admin staff about whether I could provide cleaning services for the school

Awful!

To be fair, the OP isn't adverse to a good old stealth boast.

And given she hasn't bothered coming back to the thread, this is probably just another one.

I’m often mistaken for being from the Philippines even though I don’t have any heritage from there (at least I don’t think so). And, I too have had similar things said to me. I get what the OP is bothered about. It’s not that you feel above certain professions. It’s when lots of people see you and link you to their really limited view of your country/heritage etc, constantly. Yes, they’re trying to make a connection but it’s a bit annoying when it’s always the same, slightly offensive way.

Also this quite often-
Person: Oh, you’re from the Philippines
Me: No, I’m not.
Person: Well your parents must be.
Me: No they’re not.
Person: Oh. Well you’re some sort of Asian aren’t you?
Me: No, I’m not.
Person: Well, where are you from?
Me: Town name in Scotland.
Person: But, where are from originally?
Me: Explains long and complicated heritage that splits between different European and African countries.
Person: **says some really crap link related to an African country that’s not related to me.

I don’t think people realise when they are being a bit offensive and sometimes they are that way because they have limited life experience.

Someone I know was all like “oh Polish people, they all work in car washes”. Sometimes I just don’t know how to respond. I don’t know any Polish people that work in car washes, they all do similar jobs to me - but that’s my experience.

They are trying to be kind but being patronizing at the same time.
I introduced a friend of mine who is a polish psychiatrist living in the UK and one of my school chums said ' oh I should have brought my nanny she's polish!'

You must be a very self-controlled person
To be fair, it was in the context of discussing cleaning arrangements post a specific school event (which falls outside the usual cleaner's hours / contract), and they asked if I would be interested in earning a few "extra" quid. I still cannot see why it was directed at me and not at other parents from the PTA who were present at the meeting.

I was actually over-thinking over the last couple of weeks whether it was just lazy stereotyping or I actually make a first impression of someone who should grab such an opportunity with both hands. Plenty of self-care related New Year resolutions here

they asked if I would be interested in earning a few "extra" quid.

That's even worse! It's obviously time you bought green wellies and a range rover.

You could say. 'Oh, I do wish I'd become a cleaner instead of a research scientist...or whatever your job title is'. That will floor them and they are unlikely to say the same thing to anyone else again!!

I introduced a friend of mine who is a polish psychiatrist living in the UK and one of my school chums said ' oh I should have brought my nanny she's polish!'

Maybe it's just me but I don't see the problem with that! Prepared to be told IABU though! I live abroad and if I went to a party and they said "I should have brought my British - insert any job title' I would have thought 'yes, what a shame. I miss speaking in my language with people from my country and it would have been nice to meet someone from "home"'. It wouldn't bother me if they were a nanny or scientist - why would it? I don't only associate with people who do my job.

To be honest, I find it more unusual that you don't think your psychiatrist friend could possibly want to speak to a nanny!

OP - rise about it and live your best life. Its rude but often not meant in a malicious way so why escalate the matter. In my time I have often met people who struggle to know what to say so they go for the easiest and most obvious thing to try and form a link with you. In this case it was an idiotic one. Take the higher ground, be friendly and hopefully this person will learn something about the art of conversation

Yes its rude and another variation of the "but where are you really from" line of thoughtless comment.

Its really not the same as "oh my friend comes from [city] do you know them" which is ridiculous but at least suggesting a peer comparison.

However a response like Pugwash1's is probably the best come back.