To ask for a good comeback to "Oh you're from the Philippines! We have the most lovely Filipino maid/nanny/cleaner"

[Kalimotxo]

I'm from the Philippines, been living in the UK for 10 years, have a postgraduate degree in STEM, work in a large corporate business, earn £150k pa.

Not sure if I should take offence when people find out where I'm from, and the first thing they say is how they have (or had) the most wonderful Filipino nanny, maid or cleaner.

One of the people I got this type of comment from was the head of my department, at the end of a job interview (I got the job). I only smiled as felt I couldn't say anything back.

WhileI have complete admiration for Filipinas working in any field including caring and cleaning, I don't have anything to do with them at all. I don't know any maids, I don't have family who work as one of them (they are lawyers, doctors, teachers, businessmen back in the Philippines).

Do people with a Polish background get the same kind of comments? Or Latinas living in the US? Is it a racist or rude comment, even if the person saying it genuinely likes their help?

Of course it's bloody obvious why it's offensive to presume someone from another race is automatically associated with a service role.

But that's just it. They are not pressuming OP has any relationship with their domestic staff! It might be offensive if they said she must know them or be one herself just because she's from the Philippines. But they don't. They merely state that they have a connection to her country because they employ someone from there.

I live abroad. If someone told me their cleaner was British to establish common ground, I really wouldn't care in the slightest and would probably ask where they were from to make conversation and be polite.

A lovely Mexican lady I know gets this from people in the US. Her joke is that immigrants in America do the jobs that Americans won't. Like marrying Donald Trump.
I think it is perhaps people trying to find common ground, but betraying a sort of subconscious ignorance/racism. I'm not overly sensitive but I would find that rude. I think I would just reply "How nice" and give a hard stare

@SierraSmythe

See @Hellomatey001 's post above.

The term "white fragility” is used to describe the disbelieving defensiveness that white people exhibit when their ideas about race and racism are challenged.

@Consolidateyourloins

I repeat: how do you know we are white?

I used to get some comments that could be seen as negative wrt being Irish amongst English uni students. Commenting on accent, pronunciation, phrases used etc. Tbh I feel so proud of and happy to be Irish that it didn't bother me and I laughed it off. At times it showed pure ignorance on behalf of the person commenting (yes, we have our own currency, and national anthem!).

“ yes, I’ve had to give up cleaning other people’s bogs since I rose up the corporate ladder”

Though actually, I think people are being careless but not malevolent when they say that to you OP. When I was working in the States people would say to me “oh wow, you’re from the UK, I have friends in Paris” in an expectant way as if I might know them. Or, “you’re from Oxford, that’s not in England, that’s in Massachusetts isn’t it?” Or my favourite “Do you have inside toilets in the UK yet?/is it true you only wash once a week?” (This was in 1990).

@Sierra

I don't know that everyone on this thread is white (and nor did I say that). But knowing MN's demographic, it's probable most posters on this thread are white.

OP, it may be a fact of life that the only person from the Philippines that most people in the UK know is a domestic worker

You do know the UK isn't Dubai, right?

If you get arsey with them you may feel it's a personal win but you will probably be seen as unpleasant and standoffish. Much nicer to assume people are just being friendly and making conversation.

Yes, much better to protect white fragility rather than challenge racism and stereotypes.

They are your kabayan. Be happy people think good things about your nation of birth.

@loveka

It isn't chippy. People are showing their unconcious bias- they associate one thing (Filipino)with another (cleaner) and verbalise it.

They’re not though are they? They’re associating one Filipino with another Filipino, the professions are irrelevant to the connection, just contextual information for the OP.

It may be stupid if they’re suggesting a link would exist between two random people from a given country, it may suggest a certain ignorance of the world, that it’s all they know about the Philippines but it’s not unconscious bias.

cross paths with daily where I live including the 5 Filipinos it takes to help me get my son and my household through a day.

God this thread is hilarious 😂

“ yes, I’ve had to give up cleaning other people’s bogs since I rose up the corporate ladder”
I like it!

including the 5 Filipinos it takes to help me get my son and my household through a day.
🤣

TBH all the filipinos I've known were nurses, apart from a civil engineer. I must move in the wrong circles.

God this thread is hilarious 😂

Yes. I can see that for some people others having a 27 year old son who has multiple disabilities and who requires requires 2-1 round the clock care would be hilarious.

Your post says more about you than anyone else.

Great drip feed PollyFlinderz

TBH all the filipinos I've known were nurses

Yes. 3 of them are nurses. The others are carers.

My DM is from Denmark.

My RL name pretty much outs me as non-UK background. Very common conversation:

Them: Your name is lovely. Where's it from?
Me: My DM is from Denmark
Them: That's great. We've been to Holland
Me: WTF?

Your post says more about you than anyone else.

Ah come on. You lobbed that in, waited for a reaction, then came back with the clincher.

Not as bad as what I get OP: “Oh, you’re from New Zealand? Are you a hobbit?”

Great drip feed

No. No drip feed at all. You just didn’t have the sense to ask yourself why someone would need 5 people to help someone to get her son and her house through the day.

Ah come on. You lobbed that in, waited for a reaction, then came back with the clincher

If you say so.

I've not hired one but I do know people who have employed Filipino housekeepers and nannies. They are very much in demand and can command a decent salary, plus perks, when they are experienced. Pleasant and friendly too. What more could anyone ask for?

If you said you were from the Philippines to me I'd have automatically said:
"Wow! A couple of members of team are from there! Where did you live? They live in X" and I'd have yapped on about how long I've worked with them, how interested I am in the culture, planning a visit there etc
I'd say all that because I'd be excited to meet someone with a connection to my team, I'd hate you to be offended at a clumsy attempt to find common ground with you.

No. No drip feed at all. You just didn’t have the sense to ask yourself why someone would need 5 people to help someone to get her son and her house through the day.

Why should we? Are we meant to examine every post and consider every possible permutation? I assumed you were joking, but in fact you were trailing a hook in the water.

It sounds like they are just making conversation. It also sounds like you are looking down your nose at cleaners, nannys etc. My husband and I are high earners, I do not feel any superior to a cleaner though.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. You just need to make conversation back.