To ask for a good comeback to "Oh you're from the Philippines! We have the most lovely Filipino maid/nanny/cleaner"

[Kalimotxo]

I'm from the Philippines, been living in the UK for 10 years, have a postgraduate degree in STEM, work in a large corporate business, earn £150k pa.

Not sure if I should take offence when people find out where I'm from, and the first thing they say is how they have (or had) the most wonderful Filipino nanny, maid or cleaner.

One of the people I got this type of comment from was the head of my department, at the end of a job interview (I got the job). I only smiled as felt I couldn't say anything back.

WhileI have complete admiration for Filipinas working in any field including caring and cleaning, I don't have anything to do with them at all. I don't know any maids, I don't have family who work as one of them (they are lawyers, doctors, teachers, businessmen back in the Philippines).

Do people with a Polish background get the same kind of comments? Or Latinas living in the US? Is it a racist or rude comment, even if the person saying it genuinely likes their help?

No" White Fragility " is the name of a book about racism and why people don't like to be challenged about it literally no-one actually discusses it. Still it's a better read than Chip on My Shoulder

As a white foreigener person I get loads of assumptions made and when introduced people try to make connections to me to try and generate a conversation. Not racism at all.

This thread will now disintegrate into a "you don't know how shit it is to be me" thread...

I feel for you, op. Some people are so insensitive as to be downright rude! I feel ashamed of them.

Ftr, A Filipino lady lived next door to me for about fourteen years, a divorced woman with a son. She was a company director. She sometimes had to go away on business and her ex husband, son's father, moved in to take care of him.

It would never have occurred to me to try to make conversation with my neighbour, bringing up racial stereotypes, inaccurate ones too. How rude. She was the same as me.

You just need to make conversation back.

What helpful advice to a post grad working for a large corporation and earning £150k. I'm sure OP can converse without any problems.

Is that you BusterGonad?

Why should we? Are we meant to examine every post and consider every possible permutation? I assumed you were joking, but in fact you were trailing a hook in the water

Again, if you say so.

I said: OP, it may be a fact of life that the only person from the Philippines that most people in the UK know is a domestic worker

You do know the UK isn't Dubai, right?

What?? What's Dubai got to do with anything? I'm from the UK and don't know anyone from the Philippines. I now live abroad in Europe and the only person I know from there is my old cleaner (oh dear, am I racist?) That doesn't mean they are all cleaners, of course, but no one in this whole thread has suggested otherwise.

Also, it's funny how you can't see the irony in your comment about white fragility. Those who disagree with OP must be white. That's a huge assumption, could even be considered racist by those easy to take offense. Well, I'm not white and I think OP is being snobby.

I'm with Worra upthread and PollyFlinderz. The OP does come across as extremely sniffy about her compatriots in service roles and very keen to emphasise that, despite her 'complete admiration' for them, she has nothing to do with them 'at all'. And we have to be told that her friends are 'lawyers, doctoras, teachers, businessmen'. As well as the OP's own salary (crass IMO, although it appears to be becoming more frequent here).

"She was the same as me."

And would you take objection, if you were abroad and someone said 'oh you are English, I once knew an English mechanic/nurse/artist, she was from Manchester.'?

Because I wouldn't and don't know anyone who would. OP is outraged to be lumped together with people in the service industry, that's all.

I think this is a case of foot in mouth here, typical British person trying to make polite conversation, without first considering whether their comment may be deemed offensive.

It may also be a reflection of their limited life experience. In a similar conversation, if I were to try to find a connection to the Philippines,I might say ‘I purchased my house from a lovely couple, one of whom was from the filipenes, they emigrating to Australia. Or, my Father/ brother have many friends from the filipenes, they met through work in the oil industry. Or, I have several acquaintances from the filipenes, we met at University/ church’’ because this is my life experience of meeting people from the filipenes.

Only you would know if their comment had a racist undertone OP. Whilst this must clearly happen at times, I would imagine that mostly it was a clumsy but well intended attempt at exchanging pleasantries.

Unfortunately there will always be prejudiced people who will assume that certain nationalities are purely useful for the services industry. Those same people tend to be racist. It is completely understandable that you would be annoyed at hearing a comment like that from a prejudiced and racist asshole.

However, it doesn’t sound as though your head of department is either of those things. Or you would never have been chosen for the role! I do like the response about having an English/ British nanny/ cleaner/ housekeeper. Or perhaps a Mrs Browns ‘that’s niiice ‘ would be better.

The term “white fragility” is most definitely racist. It attributes negative characteristics to an entire group of people based on the colour of their skin. That is the very definition of racism.

Oh Lord how incredibly rude.

My dear sister in law is from the Phillipines and very well educated.

I'd do like OVienna and make them feel incredibly awkward by just staring blankly and say absolutely nothing.

There is nothing at all you can say about such a statement.

hilbo racism = prejudice + privilege so no, saying ‘white fragility’ is not racism because white people have privilege.

If they said something like “oh I thought all Filipinos were maids/nannys/cleaners that’d be racist
Exactly!
They are just making a connection! I am French and lots of Brits tell me they love to holiday in the South of France, I don’t get offended that they reduce my country to a beach destination and never mention the culture, artists, scientists, democracy...

Tell them the island you're from, not the Philippines. Luzon, or Mindanao. whatever. They may ask where it is - and you can say it's an enchanting island in the Pacific. Then they won't assume anything.

Nobody likes to be seen as "just" a nationality rather than an individual, and I find it tedious too when people relate to me in terms of my nationality rather than who I am as a person or what I do, or any of the other myriad of things that I chose as an individual, in order to define myself, rather than the things I can do nothing about. So I understand where you are coming from. I think you just have to suck it up, people are trying to show an interest. Just ask them a similar question back, where are they from originally, that sort of thing.

Yes I agree. Yabu and snobby. I guess that is the privilege of being a rich, highly educated lady.
It doesn't give the right to assume people are judging a whole race, how dare they not see the difference in you, compared with those low skilled workers. Especially as you clearly judge a domestic worker.
The Filipino people I have meet in my life are mainly nurses, all lovely people so far.

So she should...hide the fact she’s Filipina?

I assumed you were joking, but in fact you were trailing a hook in the water.

I'm with her on this. It was obvious to me what the likely explanation would be. If someone has five Filipinos helping them every day, what explanation is statistically more likely in the UK than that they are health or care workers?

If you live somewhere where Filipinos are actually more likely to be cleaners than nurses, you're excused.

Yes, it's really racist to assume that all Filipinos are lovely, just because your cleaner was nice. Still, it didn't stop you getting your £150k a year job, did it, OP?

This is really uncomfortable reading.

The condescending tone from some posters is highlighting why OP wants a comeback for it, it is not a chip on her shoulder about cleaners, It is the stereotype of Filipino in domestic service being waved in her face, It's unneccessary and inappropriate.

If a British man goes to a job interview and the interviewer is a Filipino man would the interviewee mention how lovely his Fillipina cleaner is as an ice breaker?

I would ignore them. I honestly do not think they are trying to stereotype.
Relate but not offensively.
I an Irish and get the same sort of stuff. Example if you travel Australia, people say aw all Irish are lolly pop ladies in Australia.
Or aw the Irish can drink.
I would ignore them OP, if you genuinely feel they're trying to offend you, call them out.

For the people who think she is being unreasonably snobbish to mind being put in the same category as a cleaner, do you also think there was nothing wrong with Senator Obama being mistakenly handed the keys to parks someone's car for them, given that there's nothing wrong with being a valet?

I think the best comeback is the one suggested about the lovely English cleaner the OP has - it does highlight the stereotyping that is going on, as the English do not have a reputation for being particularly caring, so it would come across as odd (and then make the recipient of the comment think a bit more about the implication of their own comment).

I did work with a crew of ten Filipinos 30 years ago and they were grumpy buggers.

I think I won’t say that next time I meet a prosperous Filipino person at a cheese and wine party though.