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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this irritating?

165 replies

Calvinsmam · 01/01/2019 09:47

Totally happy to be told I’m being unreasonable but this is something that’s been irritating me for a while and I want to gauge if I’m overreacting.

My dh is a prolific reader. He set himself a challenge to read a hundred books in 2018 and he more than hit his target, he finished the year reading Infinite Jest in two weeks and because he wanted it finished before 2018 ended he has spent a large portion of the holidays reading.

Last night we had a friend over and she was asking me recommendations for books and my dh started going on about how he doesn’t know any ‘readers’ and that everyone he’s close to is just glued to their phones all the time and he wishes he knew people who were more on his level.

I found this really hurtful as I DO consider myself a reader, I don’t keep track but according to my kindle I’ve read 29 books this year and I also read normal books on top of that and I listen to audible pretty much constantly.

I just don’t make a big songs and dance about it.

Not to drip feed but I’m also dyslexic, so I get on with audiobooks a lot better than written books.

I totally understand that he reads way more than me but he reads way more than any normal human being ever. I also don’t mind him saying he’d like to make friends with people with similar interests as him, quite frankly I’d like him to too.
But it’s just the way he picks at me for ‘always being on my phone’ and ‘You wouldn’t understand because you’re not into books’, he’s just very superior and quite frankly makes me feel like he thinks I’m thick.
He also picks apart people’s grammer all the time, so last night his mam posted a picture of herself on the family chat and a post about how she was ready but not looking forward to going out because she’s worried about a family member that’s in hospital and Dh just replied with ‘*they’re’.
It just really annoys me!
Aibu or would this irritate you too?

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 01/01/2019 09:53

God that would irritate the fuck out of me!

I loathe those who think they’re superior to others, his attitude is twattish.

masterandmargarita · 01/01/2019 09:58

All that reading yet so little wisdom. He sounds insufferable

GreenTulips · 01/01/2019 09:59

Yep twat

buttyblahblah · 01/01/2019 10:00

That is really annoying and patronising.

I easily read 100 books a year but don't feel the need to brag about it or find "my people".

ErrolTheDragon · 01/01/2019 10:05

Yes, that does sound irritating. DH reads way more than me (he has more time) - he discusses interesting books or articles with me. He's also come to the conclusion that a heck of a lot of books turn out not to have been worth the time spent reading so prefilters using Blinkist if the book is available on that (good for listening to in cars btw)

Butcowsdontgetmarried · 01/01/2019 10:09

Does he want to be right? Or does he want to have friends? Because the way he’s behaving he will end up being alone and right about everything.
I wonder whether there’s a book with character who’s an insufferable twat who pushed everyone away because they were so high handed and self appointed expert? Get him to read that? I wouldn’t know as I don’t read much fiction.

pictish · 01/01/2019 10:11

No, he’s insecure and a nob.
His spelling correction on Facebook marks him out as an insufferable nob with no manners.
He’s not special because he reads. Nob.

Original poster
Calvinsmam · 01/01/2019 10:12

He’s the same about cleaning. He goes on and on about how messy I am when in reality our house is not only spotless but I do the vast majority of the cleaning.
He called me upstairs the other day to point out that I had used the wrong hanger for one of my jumpers and told me I had ‘no respect for my clothes’ and it made me want to leave the house and never come back.
He says I’m messy and yet in the whole time I’ve known him he has never mopped a floor or dusted or descaled the bathroom. He literally just does the washing.
We have the type of house where guests could pop in at any time and would comment on how clean it is and he STILL picks faults with me.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 01/01/2019 10:14

Sorry but that’s more annoying than the books

Why are you with him?

TornFromTheInside · 01/01/2019 10:16

His level... says it all. He means his assumed superior level.

Play him at his own game and listen to music, and complain about his lack of musical culture. (Joking)

It's great that he reads, but to read that much he has a fair amount of time on his hands, and it must mean he misses out on other things. So by all means let him extol the virtues of reading, but remind him that 2 hours reading is two hours not out walking, not socialising, not engaging.

kateandme · 01/01/2019 10:16

How long have you been with him op.?

TornFromTheInside · 01/01/2019 10:17

Oh and it's two hours not moving his arse to help you.

pictish · 01/01/2019 10:17

Yes he’s insecure and feels he has something to prove and as you are present and available as an audience for his pish, he uses you to elevate his own position.

How dare he criticise your housekeeping when he does fuck all himself?! He called you up the stairs to give you a telling off over a coathanger?
Oh no. No no. Life is too short for entertaining this bozo.

Urbanbeetler · 01/01/2019 10:19

What an insufferable hog. I would barely be able to look at him.

Urbanbeetler · 01/01/2019 10:19

I hope he doesn’t expect sex.

DragonMamma · 01/01/2019 10:19

He’s a smug cock. HTH.

Seriously though, what are his redeeming qualities? Calling you upstairs to discuss a hanger with you? Angry

GreenTulips · 01/01/2019 10:20

Oh and it's two hours not moving his arse to help you

Not ‘help you’

It’s taking his share of looking after his home. It’s not her job that’s needs ‘help’ it’s his as well

Stop cleaning for this twat - don’t cook for him. Make him get up and do his share so he has less time to read

00100001 · 01/01/2019 10:20

what redeeming features does he have?

jay55 · 01/01/2019 10:20

He's an out and out arsehole.

Telling you off for what hanger you used? You are not his child or pet and can use any damn hanger you please for your own clothes.

Maybe show him the limescale on the bathroom tap and tell him he didn't clean it and he has no respect for your house or home.

What a dick.

Calvinsmam · 01/01/2019 10:20

This reply has been deleted

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RosaAbsolute · 01/01/2019 10:21

Replying to someone's post with a grammar correction is absolutely horrendous- that's unbelievably rude.

It's lovely to have hobbies and interests by when they're at the expense of everything else and almost obsessive (which it sounds as though his is) it's not healthy. He doesn't sound like a well-rounded or nice person, and you're now justifying how much you read and feeling like you have to compete. That's not a normal dynamic!

He sounds pretty awful to me.

Crimbobimbo · 01/01/2019 10:22

No wonder he gets so much time to read with you doing all the cleaning.

RandomMess · 01/01/2019 10:24

He's a knob, he will get worse as he gets older especially as you have tolerated it for 6 years already!!!!

Does he have more leisure time than you and if so why???

Original poster
Calvinsmam · 01/01/2019 10:26

No we have the same amount of leisure time as I work shorter hours than him.
I actually don’t mind doing the cleaning, I enjoy cleaning and I like listening to audiobooks and just getting it done but I don’t like doing the cleaning and being told off.

OP posts:
humblesims · 01/01/2019 10:26

I think he’s on the spectrum a bit
the twat spectrum?