Fucking NYE

[Mississippilessly]

At my MIL's. 15 week old DS. I didn't want to come but DH and I compromised and agreed we wouldn't stay over. We packed stuff 'just in case'. Of course we stayed. DS utterly overwrought. House is full of noisy people. MIL convinced me to stay when I just wanted to go home. She assurer me it woykd be quiet. DS currently asleep in my arms. Stirs when I try to move him. I've managed an hours sleep so far. I've been awake since 4am yesterday. I am on my knees. DH just doesn't seem to get it.
I'm done. I've nothing left. I can't function on this little sleep.

So utterly fed up. Happy fucking new year.

Decided I was probably hungry. Got myself tea and a packet of choc digestives...

Sometimes I think you can get "too tired to sleep" OP. I don't know if it's because we get anxious about sleeping and that anxiety stops us from dropping off, or just that our brains have been struggling with exhaustion for so long that they won't stop struggling so we can drop off and stay asleep without waking, I don't know.

I find that having a hot bath and then getting into a cool bed helps me switch off and get to sleep, as does any speech radio station, just on low. But what you need most of all is to know that DH will be able to manage the baby for a few hours, so express a bottle and make sure that he won't disturb you. Put some earplugs in, practice some breathing exercises, don't let anyone disturb you and keep telling yourself that this will pass.

And please speak to your health visitor or doctor about how you are feeling. The doctor may want to rule out any physical problems. You need to look after yourself so you can look after your baby. You come first, for now.

Your 'd'h says two 3hr stints of sleep is ok?

I'd make sure I sat near him and poked him every time he fell asleep. There's no way that fucker would be getting any sleep if I wasn't, with that attitude.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today, OP. Things do get easier. It's hard when you're breastfeeding and all baby wants is you. So much pressure! Unless you want to though, there's no reason to introduce a bottle. There are so many ways your DH can help with the baby without feeding, not least making sure that you're fed and rested for a start!

When you have a new baby and you say you're struggling, I don't know why people automatically want to feed the baby. You can do nappy changing, bathing, singing, reading, rocking, walking, playing... And deliver back to mum for a feed when necessary!

Would he sleep lying down with you in the future?

Co sleeping the way to go, master the art of feeding lying down. If one of time stirred they got a boob and both of us would be back to sleep in no time. After the first (I had 4 in just over 5 years) DHs job was the other ones as I had the baby. I used to tuck myself and the baby up in bed and let him get on with it. I really need a lot of sleep and am useless without it.

It does get better OP xx

for you OP. Sleep deprivation is the fucking worst. You know because people tell you it'll happen but until you're in it you've no idea how bad it gets. The midwives came to see us the day after we came out of hospital, just as I got my head down, DH had to come and wake me up because they wanted to see me, he was very apologetic. As were they, I didn't bother to hide my "I want to throttle the pair of you fuckers" look on my face as I came downstairs.

DH was one for a bit of competitive tiredness or overestimating what sleep I'd had (like that extra half hour you've added on would have made all the difference you fuckhead I thought). We got through it, and if it wasn't breastfeeding he'd do everything else.

It's also hard to put your foot down when you're so tired, and just go along with what other people want because your head is in a fog and you can't think straight. This is when you need your DH to stand up for you really. Your MIL went after you because perhaps she saw you as the weak link! He should have stepped in and said no.

Hope you get some sleep today.

Hi we went thru similar but my DC was older (7m+) and I did end up with PND/anxiety which was caused by extreme sleep deprivation (30 minute stints of sleep).
I fully empathise - it is hell.
Don’t worry about your marriage or anything else just focus on one thing, how are we going to implement a system so you can get more sleep?
Google safe co-sleeping and I agree about the EBM. Could you go somewhere else to sleep for a few hours while DH has the baby with the EBM? Or DH take the baby out?
I could never relax if the baby was in the house.
It’s a very steep learning curve. My DH is a good man but it took me actually going totally mental for him to really get it. As in-screaming and crying that I will leave unless it changes. I was having hallucinations and intrusive thoughts about being attacked. Our relationship is better than ever now because I had these showdowns.
Please prioritise your sleep and be completely honest with DH

I had that YeOlde, I found I could sleep better if DD was out for a drive or a walk, if she was in the house I'd get mum guilt that I should be with her, I always had an ear out if she got upset etc so wasn't focusing on my rest.

Yes WORK and if I had a shower I thought I could hear her crying so I’d turn off the water and nothing
Plus yes the feeling that you should be doing everything - head becomes such a mess I think

DH went out (actually went a train ride away!) this morning. He has come back very apologetic.
The problem is I leak milk when he feeds. We have tried lying down but I find it uncomfortable and milk spills everywhere.
If I tried again could he sleep on his side? It's the lying him down on his back that wakes him.

I think the other problem is I'm not having any downtime. He only naps in the sling and when he goes down at night the only thing I want to do is sleep

Yes down time is hard, you can start by getting into the habit clawing back small snippets and gradually you will get more. Simple things at first like a walk or a bath ALONE.
I think as well you can find you’re too tightly wound up to read or relax and enjoy anything at first. Well that was my experience. It’s almost like you have to relearn how to unwind

When my youngest was the same age I would leak from the other side every feed. I wore a clip type nursing bra with reusable breast pads and would swap baby from side to side as I fed. We put a waterproof mattress protector on so leaks didn't matter too much and we coslept. I have his full size cotbed with a side off strapped to my bed with the mattresses at the same height to give us a bit extra space. He would be on his side to feed and as he fell asleep would sort of roll towards being on his back but I would leave him as he fell asleep and move myself away a bit. It will hopefully get easier as he gets older. My DS is 10 months now and we still cosleep and he feeds during the night but I get much more sleep this way. If it means DP having to sleep on the sofa or in the spare room then he'll have to cope. I haven't expressed at any point and DS has never had a bottle of anything. Everything seems worse at night and I do find it harder staying elsewhere as home has everything we need.

My dd only liked being on her side (like me) so after 3 months I would put her on side.

Dd now naturally sleeps on side or front.

Just keep an eye on him to make sure he is ok.

Sleep deprivation is the worst and causes us so many arguments. Dd is now 16 months and the last 4 night's she has been waking at 1 am and not going back to sleep till 4am. It's hard work but I know why so I know it will pass (teeth!!)

If you are leaking are you wearing breast pads? I always leaked but breast pads helped to soak it up. At night I got feeding night bras of Amazon which were like loose sports bras which I could put a pad into.

Reach out for people to help even to take baby for a walk so you can get rest even if it isn't sleep.

Yep, I leaked too! Slept with a muslin! It stopped after a while though (I don't remember exactly when though, maybe 4/5 months?). But I'm sure cosleeping kept (keeps!) me sane! If you found it uncomfortable before, perhaps give it another chance?

Ummmm he did what?! He went where? Why? Why do you keep defending this selfish sod?

theSheep he took the baby with him!

Okay - I take it back....

Still think he could try harder though

Oh dear God, I remember those early days.

I found one of those automatic swiniging chairs was a lifesaver. Might be worth a try.

If you can manage to express and DS will take a bottle, then your DH is on night shift Friday night and Saturday night so you can get a few stretches in and catch up.

It took me six months to learn that when DD went to sleep, it was time for me to stop (even if it was only a cuppa and a doze in the chair) and not the time for rushing around doing the housework. Learn from my mistake, an untidy house and unironed clothes don't matter two hoots but if you aren't getting enough rest, then everything will fall apart.

It will get easier. DD is now in her twenties and our marriage is still intact even if there have been a few very dodgy periods.

I slept on a towel, reusable breast pads as well. Oh this bit is hard but it does get easier.

Can you arrange for DH to take

Sleep deprivation is brutal

Also Google the 4 month sleep regression X

I managed to sleep sitting up with baby wedged in my raised knees, feeding. when I say managed, it was more did not manage to stay awake. this was after nearly dropping child as I woke falling out the nursing chair.

we ended up mixed feeding oon the advice of dr,

i also co slept with one who had access to a boob all night,

Mine is 5 weeks and we’ve had some bad nights. I started expressing a week ago and it has really helped as my partner can now give an evening feed while I get some sleep in, I then take over around midnight. I find the nights much easier when I start off with some sleep. Might be worth considering.

Hope things improve for you asap OP

theSheep what would you like him to do?! Last night he slept on the floor and took DS from 5.30. Today he has taken him for every nap. Seriously what else do you think he should be doing?!