Fucking NYE

[Mississippilessly]

At my MIL's. 15 week old DS. I didn't want to come but DH and I compromised and agreed we wouldn't stay over. We packed stuff 'just in case'. Of course we stayed. DS utterly overwrought. House is full of noisy people. MIL convinced me to stay when I just wanted to go home. She assurer me it woykd be quiet. DS currently asleep in my arms. Stirs when I try to move him. I've managed an hours sleep so far. I've been awake since 4am yesterday. I am on my knees. DH just doesn't seem to get it.
I'm done. I've nothing left. I can't function on this little sleep.

So utterly fed up. Happy fucking new year.

I'm up feeding my 7 week old. But in my own home so.its ok. I can totally see your point. Feeling lonely with so many ppl asleep it's making it even harder.
Are you breast or bottle feeding? Try express tomorrow or give OH a bottle for tomorrow night or evening even for one feed so you can get a good stretch. Let him settle baby then. It's 4 am now so only 3 mire hours... I would then wake OH and say we need to leave now. You haven't slept a wink and need your own bed and his help and support before you go crazy.
Is your OH always this mean? He should have gotten up to help you!!
I know how bad sleep deprivation is at the moment and you need support.
Also in the morning just let it all out and let MIL know you're leaving you're angry and tired.
I also co sleep ... there's no other way.
Give it a go. It might work. Nothing to loose. Wait 30 mins though till he's in a deep sleep.
You're not alone. I'm up too

Hi op,
Really hope you've managed to put your baby down and are getting a bit of sleep.
My first born was a terrible sleeper so I really feel for you.
I got a Chicco next to me for my second,one of those cosleeping beds that attach to your bed, it's the best baby equipment I've ever bought,maybe you could look into something like that?

"Thing is it isn't DHs fault I'm a pushover" actually it is - because you're being a pushover because you're sleep deprived because HE isn't stepping up to his responsibilities!

Are you bf? Even if you are he needs to at least:

Do more of everything else baby needs when he's home (baths, changing nappies, comforting/amusing baby, rocking baby to sleep).

Do more of everything else! He's got more energy so he can bloody well do more!

Be responsible for baby late at night/early morning so you can catch up on sleep then. Eg could you go to bed 8/9pm and if bf dh can wake you only when baby needs fed?

"I've just told my DH that I feel suicidal. His response was 'that's really not advisable'. I then told him I have had an hrs sleep tonight. He told me I was wrong and I've had an hr and a half. I had to go through and explain why he is wrong" wow! Selfish heartless dick! I'm raging on your behalf!

Have you anyone can speak up for you? Where's your mum? If my (now ex) had been like this my mum would have gone through him!!

If not mum then health visitor? Dr? Friend?

If I were your friend and you told me this I'd have no problem giving him an absolute bollocking!

AS SOON as there is someone awake who can take baby hand baby over and get some sleep. And if nobody is awake by 7 I'd be kicking bastard h's arse awake!

Going forward h needs a kick up the arse! And practice putting baby down (warming their bed and perhaps putting clothing near them that smells of you can help. You CAN NOT go on like this you will literally go nuts!!!

I also (safely) co slept a lot made things much easier.

OP, you sound really very distressed. Your DH also sounds like he’s being a complete wanker and needs to step up. I totally understand how when you’re so exhausted you can’t think straight, that’s why you need some time to sleep and start to recover. You also seem to be very low, perhaps it would be wise to have a chat with HV/GP at the end of this week if you can. In the meantime, DH must give you some rest this morning and if he doesn’t, go and cry to MIl and let her take over. I know it’s so hard to let someone else take over, even when you’re exhausted but you must OP even just for a few hours today. Sending you lots of 💐

tomorrow could you express a bottle, then go to bed at 8 or 9, with strict instructions to your DH to not wake you up until at least 3am? Then you get at least 5-6 solid hours of sleep, and your DH can sleep as well.

We survived using a shift system like this.

Your DH sounds like s useless prick, but there you go. Some men seem to need managing with these sorts of things. Which is completley shit, as you have enough on your plate and it’s not your job to sort him out, but being realistic, if you have to tell him what to do, make it work in your favour so you get some sleep

How are you doing OP?

OP are you okay.... I got up at 5.30 with my toddler (so have had about 3 hours sleep too!) and it really brought back the early days sleep deprivation and made me think of you.

Did you manage to drop off? I'd be getting ready to leave now so you can go home and have some rest. I didn't get more than 4 hours sleep in a row for about two years - it is literally like torture (had to work too). It's exhausting and draining but will eventually get better. I had to stop staying over in places as it was no fun for anyone and I would be a grump with the hosts.

Hope you managed to get some sleep OP.

When DD was a baby (dreadful sleeper) I realised it wasn't the amount of sleep I got exactly that made a difference, it was when I was woken up during my sleep cycles. So I could have seven hours (rare) but be woken up in the middle of each sleep cycle and feel like death the next day, or I could have four hours but complete a sleep cycle and be able to manage fine. It really made a difference to that whole, "but you had six hours and I only have five" type of argument.

You will get through this but you do need more support. Your DH needs to stop with the logic and start with the empathy. This is how you feel.

Op you need to learn pdq that No is a word that can be repeated often

Use the broken record technique

No MIL that’s not going to happen, not now. No I’m not going to stay, we are going home. No thank you, nice to offer but no

Hi all
DH didn't sleep from about 3 either. He slept on the floor to give me and DS room. From 5.30 he took him so I could sleep. I've prob ended up with more sleep than him.
He has been asking me to express for weeks so he can do more.
He really does what he can. He just likes doing stuff and doesn't realise how knackered uI am
Having said that I don't know what the fuck he was thinking saying what he did and that will be a conversation today.

have you ended up with more sleep than him? And if you have, does that make up for the previous week?

I think OP, youre going to have a really tricky time of the early years unless when you have that chat with your DH later, you make it very very clear now that his present approach is simply not good enough.

No new mother with a partner able to support them, should be suicidal through exhaustion. None.

Your DH sounds like he really is trying to help. But his trying to reassure you and his version of being positive isn't helpful, it's annoying.

You do need to get up and off home as soon as you can and really work on putting the baby down. It will be so much more difficult if you constantly hold him while he's sleeping.

Good luck

Although I agree with above, if you are suicidal that's the first thing that needs addressing. I didn't take you literally when you said that

I’ve had an hours sleep.
No you’ve had one and a half hours!

Seriously? Tell him to buck his ideas up.

You sound like you’re on your knees with no support.

Tell him to pack the car and take you home, and she needs to be the one who tells MIL that is happening, no arguments.. He can make sandwiches for you and fill some water bottles and leave them by the bed.

Co-sleep once you get home. DH can clean the house and cook some freezer meals.

There will be no conversations today at MIL's about what a hero he is because you will both be home.

Not she - he needs to be the one to tell MIL goodbye.

Things get said between couples when both are sleep deprived. Both of you are sleep deprived, as my dh and I had to remind each other, both of us are knackered it’s not a competition. If one had 30 minutes more than the other it didn’t mean anything as it wasn’t a full 8 hours.
Nobody wins a prize for having the least amount of sleep.

So we had to remind ourselves we are a team, if one of us was at the point of hallucinating and passing out through lack of sleep and they really needed to rest then the other would step in, regardless of whose turn it is. I had to learn to say no and insist on help, turns out my dh can’t read my mind.

I would look upon this as a learning experience, After our first child we learned for our second and third not to attempt going away for sleepovers with small babies or even toddlers. Not unless a reliable relative is willing to let you sleep, by taking over in the afternoon or something so you can nap.

And yes some lucky folk had babies that slept all night from day 2 and never woke for feeds. They do not understand what it’s like. Your mil probably has no clue how hard it is.

Btw if you are tempted to formula feed to get some rest unfortunately it’s not guaranteed to knock your child out for 8 hours until morning. I tried this with dc1 and dc2, it just ended up me making up bottles in the middle of the night instead of flopping a boob out from my nightie.

God i feel for you. How utterly pointless. I hate that pressure. I used to have the same from my MiL then I just learned to be firm and say NO. It felt harsh to begin with but now i do it whenever I need to. When you get home is it an option to book a night nurse for a few days to get some respite? Bill the MIL!

Your ds is over 3 months old, to be honest I would start considering mixed feeding unless strong reason not to. I would also go to Dr. There can be physical issues which should be ruled out such as anaemia and low thyroid as well as post natal depression. Turned out for me I just needed a tablet which no amount of sleep could have given me. I also agree to sleep as much as possible today. Do you have a trusted family member or friend who could stay a few days when she goes back to work- or you could stay with? They won't be as jaded as your dh so can let you rest and just bring him for feeds. Also they might find it easier to introduce a bottle. Dh always gave up fairly quickly became he didn't like seeing them cry.

Yes the point of formula feeding is that someone else can do it instead of you, the risk is that they prefer it then you have the hassle of bottle preparation.

It sounds as though you are both dog tired, you both made a mistake in accepting a) a new years invitation b ) agreeing to stay overnight. We're you feeling suicidal last night? Or were you being provocative? Sleep desperation is miserable and babies will typically sleep better mid morning! Can you catch up with sleep and drive home after a decent amount of rest and make a new years resolution to avoid this happening again!

Bottle preparation is hardly hassle. Takes no time at all. Soon enough she'll be cooking 3 meals a day for him and snacks and god knows what else. 15 mins sorting bottles out vs a good nights sleep. I know what I'd take

Introducing a bottle even of ebm, can seem such a good idea in theory but unless you have tried to get a bf baby to take a bloody bottle it quickly becomes a nightmare. It’s not something you can do on the spur of the moment. Most if not all bf babies will reject a bottle, you will have to listen to your baby cry for milk. Someone else needs to do it.

What op needs is rest and support, and possibly to find out why baby won’t be put down. Is it something like reflux? Or just an emotionally needy baby. There is a danger op could fall asleep with baby on her. There are safe ways of cosleeping, especially with a bf baby, you can lie next to them and baby can feed with little disruption to mum. We did it, I checked with hv and midwife, who were fine with it so long as it was done properly.

For those recommending formula feeding, it's likely that you experience an oxytocin release which promotes sleep as you breastfeed, also engorgement may make your breasts feel uncomfortable. Research shows the formula feeders get no more sleep as they generally are awake for longer periods whilst breastfeeding are generally woken for shorter periods but more frequently. If breastfeeding, learn co-sleep safely (get rid of the sleeppod at night as not safe without monitoring) and keep baby close but safe. Check out the Isis.org.UK website and infant sleep for information