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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my friends just lied?

276 replies

Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:37

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 30/12/2018 19:39

There was a thread on here recently from a poster saying she wished people were more honest about childbirth!
I don’t lie, but also don’t give any details unless pressed. My labours were pretty straightforward though so it’s definitely not destined to be awful! I’m currently 40+3 with DC3 and hoping for another easy one Grin

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 30/12/2018 19:40

I hate this. I wanted a home birth. Everyone (apart from my mum and mother in law, both of whom had home births) laughed and sneered and told me their horror stories. They were always gross overshares. I never asked for their stories.

I went on to luckily have a very lovely home birth.

Don't get freaked out OP, they're not always terrible horror shows that your friends would have you believe.

Subtlecheese · 30/12/2018 19:40

Mine were straightforward. If that helps. Still hurts though Grin

masktaster · 30/12/2018 19:42

I don't give out the gory details of mine unless asked. I didn't find it too bad at the time, personally, even though I ended up with an EMCS, but it sounds terrible when I tell it.

I don't really tend to dwell on it either, if I can help it.

Fatasfook · 30/12/2018 19:43

I really enjoyed it! Yes it hurts but it’s fuckin amazing! You forget the pain as soon as you are holding your baby.

Pachyderm1 · 30/12/2018 19:43

Totally agree. You can’t change what’s going to happen so what’s the point going in with horrific expectations? I think it’s selfish to inflict grisly birth stories on others unless they have explicitly asked for them.

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 19:43

I am the opposite. Everyone I know painted a rosy, easy, happy picture of childbirth.

My labour was very difficult and long. Only after did most of them come clean and admit they have lied.

GlamourBear · 30/12/2018 19:43

Try not to get freaked out! Everybody has a different experience with labour. My first wasn't particularly great but not at all terrible or horrifying and we're expecting again in June so it's definitely not put me off!

At the end of the day it's not often a pleasant experience but for me it was soon forgotten and absolutely so worth it when you're having those first cuddles with your baby.

Owlettele · 30/12/2018 19:43

Mine were good. Not going to lie in that it hurts but the worst bit is over quickly and then you have your gorgeous smelling newborn and the best cuppa you will ever have in your life!!! - not destined to be bad. I think women like to share their birth stories as some form of empowerment. Hope your journey goes well. They are so so worth it

Debating number 3 so childbirth can't be all bad!!

EssentialHummus · 30/12/2018 19:45

Mine was totally fine , and I say that as someone who was fairly frightened of childbirth until halfway through pregnancy. Learn about different pain relief options, get a sense of how labour progresses, what can go wrong and how it’s resolved... once you’re dealing with facts rather than hyperbole it all becomes a much calmer topic.

EhlanaOfElenia · 30/12/2018 19:45

And yet, the majoriy of women have more than 1 child. What does that tell you?!

MrsTerryPratcett · 30/12/2018 19:46

I was deathly afraid of childbirth. Had to be induced, four days of labour, awful pain, ended up with a c-section... It should have been dreadful.

BUT it wasn't. I felt in control all the time. I felt that I was going to be fine and so was DD. I'm incredibly proud of myself and feel that going through it showed me that my wimpiness about any kind of pain evaporates when a real challenge appears.

You will be awesome. Have good support (partner and back up woman!) and look at it like a marathon or climbing Everest. Something that is painful yes, but amazing. You'll be creating a new human.

Hidillyho · 30/12/2018 19:46

It honestly depends on the person. Mine was awful, my friends however sounded film perfect.
No 2 births are the same, even when it’s the same person. My SIL has 2 c-sections. 1 she was rushed back into hospital after and the other she was in heels 3 weeks later

gamerwidow · 30/12/2018 19:48

Remember your friends can only talk about their labors yours might be completely different. Women have so many different birth experiences you wont know what yours will be like until you have it.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/12/2018 19:48

Well I had the epidural and then ended up needed an emergency C/section. Therefore I can't promise either way. However the way I see it is. It can't be that bad women go back for more. Plus there is plenty of pain relief available to you. Don't try to be the big hero of the day. You don't get any prizes for being brave.

BendingSpoons · 30/12/2018 19:50

I went to a colleague's leaving drinks (before she went on maternity) and people were telling horror stories. How is that helpful?! It can be hard to know how much information to give though. Also people respond/recover differently. For example I had a third degree tear but actually recovery was fine. I was more bothered by everyone sympathetically telling me what a shame it was than by the actual tear! Also I'm pregnant again and planning a vbac again so can't be that bad!

HappyGirl86 · 30/12/2018 19:51

I don't lie to people, I will say that yes I didn't have a good birth and it led to an emergency c section, but I always always always say to people that they need to remember most women have a straightforward birth.
If I think of my closest 20 friends, only 2 of us had an emergency c section, so I think the chances are that most people will get a "good" birth.
I actually wished that people had told me more about emergency c sections when I was pregnant. There was a lot of talk about the birth and who wants to cut the cord etc but I wished I had known the basic details of a c section. Not to scare me, but to give me an idea of what could happen. Just because when it was happening I felt very scared and I think it would have helped to know a few details.
I hope you do have a good birth when the time comes!

iano · 30/12/2018 19:52

Just tell them you find it scary and to please not tell you.
I did that with my first and I didn't get many negative stories. Ttc again and this time I want to know about other ppl's experience whether it was good or bad. I now prefer to know what might happen.

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:54

@Fatasfook

I really enjoyed it! Yes it hurts but it’s fuckin amazing!

I'm going to hold onto this oh so tightly.

It's the whole drama of the stories as well as the details, when I say to my friends 'I love you, I'm so happy that you & baby are great, but pleeease for my sake withhold any particular awfulness, I need to remain ignorant.'

And they don't. In fact I think they enjoy ramping it UP.

OP posts:
TheLuckyMrsPine · 30/12/2018 19:54

I think that by the time you get to being full term you just want the baby out and won’t care about all the horror stories you have heard !

Funkyslippers · 30/12/2018 19:55

I don't think lying is going to do you any favours as you'll have unrealistic expectations. If they had horrible labours however it's best not to say anything unless you ask them! FWIW though my 2 labours were absolutely fine and v straightforward & quick. It DOES hurt though, and hardly anyone would deny that. You do forget though which explains why people have more than 1!!!

Girlicorne · 30/12/2018 19:55

There's something about pregnancy that makes even complete randoms come up to you in ASDA and give you their hideous labour stories. FWIW I nearly had DD at the top of our stairs, I was fully dilated by the time we got to the hospital as I wanted to stay at home as long as possible. I thought the pain was going to get much worse so was trying to hold out. I had her within 20 mins of getting to hospital. It was fab :-)

MauraIsles · 30/12/2018 19:56

Not all labour stories are awful, everyone’s experience is different though please try to remember that, just because someone had an awful, traumatic labour- it does not mean you will! I had a very straightforward, no complications birth, it was my first - was in labour for approx 6 hours before my munchkin made his appearance, he was born without any intervention, I only had gas and air and a very minor tear that healed by itself, so I didn’t require stitches. When I reported back how ‘good’ the birth was to everyone who was curious, they were so surprised and almost taken aback (almost like I was fibbing about the lack of complications) but I was completely honest, and honestly puzzled as to why people were so surprised that the experience was a good one. The only thing I freaked out about, was that nobody, not even my bloody midwife had mentioned about heavy bleeding afterwards, but that stopped after a while!

Coralnails · 30/12/2018 19:57

Mine weren't all that bad.

Yes it does hurt, but you generally have 9 months to prepare and get used to the idea, by which point you'll probably be feeling quite uncomfortable and wanting to get the baby out.

Yes some people will have a bad time for one reason or another, but women have been giving birth all over the world since the word go, and most have more than one, what does that tell you?

Deeedeeee · 30/12/2018 19:58

Most women have more than one baby don't they? So it wasn't so bad that it put them off.
People love having a good story to tell, especially a dramatic one about themselves. They can't help giving you all the details.
I was lucky and had relatively easy births. But you tend to remember the horror stories, not the boring good births.