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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my friends just lied?

276 replies

Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:37

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

OP posts:
decemberfrost · 30/12/2018 19:58

Take no notice sweetie. My 2 were tricky as I needed an emergency section with DC1, and then had an elective one for DC2. And of course, SOME births are not great.

But my cousin had FIVE, and all but the last one were like shelling peas. Last one was when she was 40. First 4 in her 20's. Not sure if that made a difference.

Also though, my BFF had 3 girls within 10 years - at 23, 25, and 33, and all 3 births were straightforward, and 1-2 hours labour. No birth injuries, no nothing.

My neighbours DD had a baby at 31 last week, and was in labour for an hour. Said she worried for nothing and it was wonderful.

So don't worry. Smile

curlykaren · 30/12/2018 19:59

My birth was amazing, quick and I never felt the need for any pain relief. I wanted to do it again almost immediately?! (However, by eight weeks later I swore I would never have another child, I did NOT cope well with sleep deprivation) Everyone's experience is different, I had absolutely convinced myself that I would cope easily with the pain but I have no evidence to suggest that my own conviction made it so. You will be FINE X

Ribbonsonabox · 30/12/2018 20:00

Well I think there is something to be said for knowing that it fucking hurts... but that that is totally normal and you aren't going to die and you needn't be afraid you CAN get through it. I found it very useful to hear that there is very commonly a stage (transition) during the labour when many women completely lose the plot and feel like they just cannot do it.... and that is the part just before it's time to push... I took comfort from knowing that and it is true... the part where it gets the worst is actually very close to the end so dont freak out if you're feeling that way because the end is nigh!
End of the day giving birth is no walk in the park for anyone. Its messy and painful and frightening... but it doesn't last forever, it's something you go through to get to meet your lovely baby... and it's a few hours to a couple of days out of your life that are a bit grim... that's all. You can and will just do it.

My first was horrific but I did it again for my daughter and it was just horrific in a different way... I was shit scared the whole time during both, I did not deal with it well... but I did do it! And honestly I'd do it again if we fall pregnant again. And I'd be shit scared all over again! It's not the thing to focus on though I dont think.... it's about your baby and your new life with your child.. that's a far more significant thing than worrying about a few hours of pain. I'm not saying that to belittle peoples experiences or trauma but in terms of focusing your worries... I do think worrying about labour is a bit pointless before hand. You cant really control how easy it is or isn't it's a bit of a lottery. So you may as well not torture yourself focusing on it.

JustABetterPlayer · 30/12/2018 20:00

It was not too bad, I just sort of stood around really like a spare part. My hand got crushed a little due to over exuberance of partner but all in all it was ok. I think Labour was over pretty quickly and then a baby appeared from nowhere. I’m not sure how that looked as I’m not foolish enough to play goalkeeper, and I’m still traumatised by that video they made us watch at school of childbirth). I even had time to take a selfie which unsurprisingly did not go down well.

So yes, it seems pretty easy! Grin

SandettieLightVesselAutomatic · 30/12/2018 20:02

Mine was fucking horrible. But my experience won't be the same as yours, and every woman has a different experience. I tell people mine (if it comes up) because I think it's only fair that people get a different point of view than the one bandied around when I was pregnant... that I will be in control, will manage the pain without drugs, will have a lovely natural birth... etc. It doesn't always work like that, and in my experience, that's the bit that people don't tell you. So for me, it helps manage expectations. However, if you told me you didn't want to hear my birth story, no way would I tell you!

Fink · 30/12/2018 20:02

I feel completely the opposite. Before I gave birth, no one told me anything horrible about it, is was all supposed to be ok. Then I had a dreadful experience, without being prepared for it, and suddenly afterwards everyone else had gory stories to share of experiences similar to mine. My own labour would have been so much easier if I'd been able to place it in a spectrum of normal births/women who had been traumatised but had nevertheless gone on to have healthy babies. As it was, I was terrified we were both going to die as well as everything else. And yes, dd nearly did, but only nearly and actually she's fine. I really wish I'd been more prepared for how bad it could be.

tealandteal · 30/12/2018 20:03

I had a very positive experience but I don't tend to mention it much as people only seem to want to hear horror stories. It was 8 hours from start to finish, I only used a tens machine and did loose a lot of blood but still home that afternoon.

Touchmybum · 30/12/2018 20:03

Why are you telling anyone that you're TTC?

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 20:04

Thank you so, somuch for the positive stories! Honestly, it helps restore some balance.

It didn't help that my lastest Awful Story was told by my step-cousin on Boxing Day with my DH also present. He went white as a sheet with worry after her account (not even the worst I'd heard) but now keeps asking me questions about birthing mortality rates.

Confused
OP posts:
decemberfrost · 30/12/2018 20:04

@Ribbonsonabox

Not helping! Confused

Fatted · 30/12/2018 20:05

The problem is that there are millions of women whogo onto have difficult experiences with giving birth who turn round and say 'No one told me it would be so hard! Why did no one tell me?!'

I had a difficult experience with my first baby. I don't tell people unless they ask. But then I hate it when they say I'm trying to scare them. If you don't want to know, don't ask. If you haven't asked, tell them you don't want to know!!

Mrsr8 · 30/12/2018 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 20:05

@Touchmybum

Because that's my choice.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 30/12/2018 20:05

Remember nearly everyone who has one then goes on to have another if they can. Ask yourself, if it was that bad would they do that?

Surely it's not just so they have two terrifying stories to regale us with. Wink

Ethel36 · 30/12/2018 20:06

I never heard any birthing stories before my first born so honestly didn't know what to expect. The birth was great, very calm and collected with no tears or stitches. Afterwards everyone suddenly started sharing their horrible birthing experiences. It made me glad I didn't know beforehand! Otherwise my anxiety would have been through the roof. I would have expected it to be horrible. My second birth went fine too, no tears or stitches.

mumsastudent · 30/12/2018 20:07

think marathon - tough going in patches - but the end result - technically all of my labours were a bit complicated but it didn't put me off having each one - advice - find out about all your choices & what pain relief is available & if you need it ask for it

Holidayshopping · 30/12/2018 20:07

I never told anyone we were ttc, all that really means is you’re having quite a bit of sex and I didn’t think they needed to know that 😂.

When I was pregnant though, I did get told some real nightmare tales from family members. Tears, pain, premature babies, stillbirth etc-I just said, ‘no horror stories today, please’ after that when talking to anyone. It seemed to work!!

decemberfrost · 30/12/2018 20:08

@fatted

I am pretty sure women who are pregnant never ask women who have had kids how their birthing experience was. I never did! I still got women insisting on telling me how HORRIFIC their births were though..

LindaLyndell · 30/12/2018 20:09

Aaaaaw, @Outwards everyone will tell you their bad birth stories, but very rarely the good birth stories! I was induced and in the end had to have an emergency c-section, but I can honestly say, it really wasn't that bad at all! I'd do it all again! It does hurt, obviously, but that's what pain relief is for! 🤷🏻‍♀️ i'd spoken to a lot of my friends beforehand and they had mostly good stories too! Best of luck ❤️

Deeedeeee · 30/12/2018 20:09

Ok I was terrified before because of the horror stories. Couldn't sleep I was so scared. I think I was preparing myself somehow... getting all the fear out the way before the baby was due. By the time labour actually started I was ready, the fear was gone. I think its a good thing to be scared before, get all those fears out your head and then just go for it when the time comes. I was so much tougher than I realised (admittedly short, straight-forward labours, but no pain relief but TENS... But maybe it was easier partly because I was not fearful anymore?)
I promise you my first thought when I'd just had my 1st baby was "Well that wasn't as bad as they all said"

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 20:09

That's another thing I was wondering, do some make a bigger deal out of it for, sort of, story rights? Some exaggeration? Maybe my friends/family are all dramatic!

OP posts:
LokiBear · 30/12/2018 20:10

I absolutely loved giving birth. First time I had an epidural, second time nothing at all. I felt like a freaking super hero.

Oysterbabe · 30/12/2018 20:11

My 2 popped out in a few hours no bother.

Blondebombsite83 · 30/12/2018 20:11

Everyone I knew had a great birth with only one or two horror stories second hand. Mine was horrific. So much so that I'll be having an elective CS next time. However, I have never felt so at peace, brave, strong and empowered. I don't think how bad it was hit me until after and by then I was too in love to care. I'm intending to do it again soon!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 30/12/2018 20:11

My first was awful. My second was better but still awful in a different way. However, I am one of those women who wished people had been more honest with me beforehand. Almost without exception I was told that it would hurt but it wouldn’t be too bad.

Worse, I was told by many, many people that because I was super fit it would be much easier for me. That was bullshit and I was more annoyed about that than anything less as it turned out to be a complete lie.

Even researching didn’t help me because although you hear horror stories the overwhelming message is the ‘it will be ok’. I wish someone had prepared me for how hard it would be. I also spoke to a LOT of midwives who told me it would be ok. I do know a few people who had ‘easy’ births but most mums I know did not.

So I want to say YABVVVVU but it is of course up to you how you approach things and if you have asked them not to tell you gory stories then they should respect that.