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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my friends just lied?

276 replies

Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:37

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

OP posts:
missmouse101 · 30/12/2018 20:30

Mine were good really. I swear by raspberry leaf extract in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. First labour 6hrs, second labour 2.5hrs, not lying down helped, birthed both kneeling upright.

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 20:30

Aw you lot are great. I think whatever the experience, should I be lucky enough to finally fall pregnant, I'll focus on the baby at the end. I've been over-focused on the wrong bit Grin

OP posts:
Bluelady · 30/12/2018 20:30

Completely agree, OP. My labour was straightforward and I was left wondering what all the fuss was about after hearing so many horror stories. I'm now accused of being smug.

LordPickle · 30/12/2018 20:32

I will say, the contractions are beyond intense and don't be a martyr and refuse an epidural. I had an epidural and the breakthrough contractions were crazy, I was on gas and air even though I had an epidural because I was in so much pain. But contractions are just period pains on steroids and if you have an epidural you don't feel anything down there when you're pushing the baby out. If I ever did have another, I'd absolutely have an epidural. I can't imagine what the contractions would have felt like without it. (But I was induced)

IDontNeedNoPyjamas · 30/12/2018 20:32

My births were relatively easy. I didn't plan anything and just decided to go with the flow and try to enjoy it. First birth was longer, I had a sweep, was stuck in a waiting room with contractions for quite a long time (having to listen to people screaming in faraway rooms which was pretty scary) but the birth was fine. I took a book because my mum said that is what she had done! (I didn't get to read much of it). I had stitches but again that didn't seem like a big deal.

Second time around they didn't even have a chance to get the birthing pool filled up. Again I had stitches but that didn't really bother me (although I seem to remember it took ages because they had some student doing them).

I remember thinking the pushing was quite a weird feeling but it didn't really hurt as such, it was just a strange sensation and I tried to focus on the fact that any pain was good for me and the baby as it meant the birth was progressing well. It's good to trust your body, listen to your instincts and to try not to panic - which can be hard as you feel like your body is out of control at times.

I was lucky in many ways. Yes I tore quite badly but they just stitch you up and I was on my way again within hours of the birth. All births are different. Just go with the flow. If they offer you drugs and you feel you would like them - take them. If you feel you don't need them - don't take them. Don't get hung up on having the 'perfect birth' - it doesn't exist. Babies are worth it.

WWlOOlWW · 30/12/2018 20:33

Not going to lie .. first was pretty traumatic but mostly because I was 16 years old. Had my 2nd aged 32 years old and it was so different .. and mostly (pain aside) an amazing experience.

MumW · 30/12/2018 20:33

Wouldn't say that labour was pleasurable but it is amazing. Deal with it one contraction at a time knowing that you got through with the last one so you can deal with this one. Each one is bringing you closer to meeting your baby.

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 20:34

@ThursdayLastWeek

I would suggest this is a good opportunity to harden your emotional boundaries

That's hit home; I could do this with all some other areas of my life too!

OP posts:
TruffleShuffles · 30/12/2018 20:36

I had a pretty straightforward induction due to being quite overdue. I won’t lie that and say it wasn’t horrifically painful but it was over in just under 5 hours and the only issue was I didn’t get any pain relief at all as everything happened so quickly and took everyone by surprise. I think the most crazy thing about child birth for me was that no matter how much I was struggling with the pain and really didn’t think I could get through it was that the second I got my baby placed on me I forgot everything that had just happened and the pain was irrelevant. I also had quite a complicated internal tear that took the midwife an hour to stitch up but I never felt a thing and had no issues with it after at all, didn’t even have an issue with the first wee or poo that everyone goes on about.

ThursdayLastWeek · 30/12/2018 20:36

Ah I hope it helps in a good way, I wasn’t trying to criticise!
Good luck TTC

sayitisntsojo · 30/12/2018 20:37

My first delivery wasn't perfect but note I said first, I have 3 children and wasn't put off! I think the thing to hold on to is that when you hurt yourself that's it it hurts, when labour hurts you get an actual real life baby out of it which is bloody awesome and makes you forget everything you have just dealt with!

pineapplebryanbrown · 30/12/2018 20:40

I had a friend who was very pregnant and she turned to me and said "tell me the truth about childbirth, does it hurt as much as people say" i said "it's one day in your life and at the end of it you have a baby".

Rolyrosy · 30/12/2018 20:40

I was terrified of giving birth, even from being a little girl. As a kid I said I’d never have children myself I’d adopt. Hated the thought of it.

I now have a 6 month old Dd. Labour was quick for me, 4 hrs them 8 minutes of pushing. It hurt. But my body took over and I just did it, afterwards I said I’d do it again and I didn’t see why I was so worried. Your body is built to do it! Just remember that

trooth · 30/12/2018 20:41

I've had two babies with just gas & air and it was bloody amazing. I actually would LOVE to give birth again. Although it's long, tiring and uncomfortable, it was just immense. I just tried to be relaxed about it and listen to my body. I shit myself, I ended up with piles and a sore bum afterwards (say yes if they offer you a suppository pain killer, was amazing for my sore piles lol), I needed stiches, there's loads of blood afterwards. But it's bloody amazing.

Don't listen to all the horror stories. Thier story is not yours. I got sick of it tbh when people shared those bad experiences with me, uninvited!

thelonggame · 30/12/2018 20:43

All births are so different, my first - waters broke at 38 weeks, and had to stay in hospital incase of infection.After 2 days they induced me and I finally had her 24 hours later ( with an epidural).
Second one, realised I was in labour at 39 weeks, but it was so quick I had her on the living room floor 2 hours later without any pain relief.
Both hurt like buggery, but it's bearable because you know it won't last and you know you will get a beautiful new person at the end of it. Child birth is just magical, good luck TTC

oh4forkssake · 30/12/2018 20:45

I’ve had two babies. Labour was fine with one but delivery was tricky. With the other labour was bloody painful but delivery was a breeze. Both came out on gas and air.

To be honest, what floored me was not having them, it was the absolutely mind blowing realisation that I was a parent. That took a minute (or 3 weeks) to settle. And I’d had 4 rounds of IVF and really really wanted her! That’s the bit I (gently) warn people to prep for. And toilet training....if there was one thing I could outsource that’d be it!

AJPTaylor · 30/12/2018 20:48

I had 2 decent ones and a rough one.the only thing I ever say to first time parents are expect to go overdue and be prepared to be induced.

wannabebetter · 30/12/2018 20:51

Mine was emergency C but totally fine - in fact fantastic! Apart from DH describing IN DETAIL what was going on the other side of the screen they put up across your chest!! He was like "I've seen more of you than you have!"....."Wow! So much blood!" I couldn't feel a thing and would have cheerfully strangled him!!! Makes for memories tho... and when your time comes, however it happens, you'll remember it for the rest of your life, not because it was a nightmare ( it may or may not be), but because it will be the first time you meet the most important person in your life - good luck! Xxxx

Smurfy23 · 30/12/2018 20:51

It will be fine! It doesnt last forever- it can only go on for a certain length of time. I had a hospital birth and took comfort from the fact that the right people were around me if anything did go wrong. It didnt. We were all fine. You will be fine!

FortheloveofJames · 30/12/2018 20:52

My labour wasn’t bad at all.

Should start of by saying that I am the biggest woose on the planet. I faint at blood. I have almost a phobia of being in pain, the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. The idea of possibly having to get a spinal or needle in my hand honestly almost send me over the edge. The thought of labour scared the shit out of me.

However, I was so bloody lucky that I had a short 5 hour labour on nothing more than gas and air. Pushing for 11 mins. It was in no way anywhere near as bad as I’d thought it be.

Yes, it can be very different for some women. Theres so many different things that can happen. Much like everyone’s baby is different everyone labour is too. Try not to worry about anyone else’s expericence. When it’s your time all you’ll be thinking about is the here and now and getting your baby out safely ❤️

Deeedeeee · 30/12/2018 20:56

There is an element of not wanting to appear smug to other women who had difficult labours.
I found labour the easiest part of the baby stage! Extreme sleep deprivation is far more painful.
And don't over think the pain relief issue. If you're like me you won't have to make a decision about an epidural because you won't have time. I had no option but to do the whole thing unmedicated both times, not through choice but because it was so quick (2nd was 1 hour from initial contraction to baby) but if it had gone on for days I'm sure I'd have had everything going. It's a lot easier to deal with pain for a shorter time.

Touchmybum · 30/12/2018 20:58

I'm really not @Outwards. If you don't want offputting birth stories, then keeping it to yourself that you are TTC is a sensible plan. Most people don't want to know!

If you need support then you would be better reaching out to a select few who aren't going to keep on and on about it. I speak from experience; it took over 3 years to conceive our first, by which time I didn't care if they pulled the baby out of my nose!

I don't think anyone has ever told me they were TTC (apart from one who was also having difficulties at the same time as me) but maybe it's a 'thing' now and I'm just an old fart.

I just don't know why you would put that spotlight on yourself, when it's hard enough each month that you're not pregnant without everyone knowing as well?

User12879923378 · 30/12/2018 21:00

Out of my NCT group, I had a C-section (planned for medical reasons), two others had very hard births and the other five had textbook labours, ie not painless but straightforward and over reasonably fast. I know exactly what you mean but just remember that for everyone telling you their birth was unbearable there will be a good few not saying much because there just isn't much to say apart from that they got a nice baby at the end of it.

SadOtter · 30/12/2018 21:01

Both my labours were genuinely really easy - no pain relief and not very long, it did hurt a bit but I've had worse pains and at least you know labour won't go on forever. Everyone's is different but a few of my friends got huffy at me for making it sound too easy so I don't tell mine unless directly asked.

Whereisthegin1978 · 30/12/2018 21:02

There are some horror stories out there - if my sister had had her baby before me I’d probably never have tried.
I was terrified of giving birth anyway but I’ve now had 4 natural births. I was the most scared with my 4th (I think I thought I must be due something traumatic this time - who has 4 fairly easy births!) but honestly once labour (with each one) started I forgot about the fear and I suppose Adrenalin kicked in and I got on with it. Listen to your body, make sure you’ve got a supportive birth partner and talk through any specific worries you do have with your midwives as soon as possible so that they can hopefully put your mind at rest.
And don’t be afraid to ask people to stop telling you their birth stories !

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