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Original poster

To wish my friends just lied?

276 replies

Outwards · 30/12/2018 19:37

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

OP posts:
Phineyj · 30/12/2018 21:02

I know what you mean. I remember two occasions like this specifically - once I got trapped in my small office by a contractor telling her gory birth story (I couldn't have escaped without either diving out of the window or pushing her out of the doorway!) and another time, had to stop sitting in my own garden due to the loud, lengthy and gory story being related by not even my next door neighbour but the one the other side from that, to some not very impressed looking visitors.

I was also forced to volunteer to wash up at the 'preparation for childbirth' yoga class I did, as although the class was excellent, every week someone was invited in to tell her gory story at the end.

My birth story would probably sound gory if I told it but (this is completely true) I found it all very exciting. Looking back bits of it even sound funny, such as when my midwife got my wheelchair stuck, briefly, in some automatic doors as she took me to the delivery suite. The gas and air also made me feel completely stoned to the point where I was telling the surgeon I'd never wear a bikini again and she assured me quite seriously that she was renowned for the precision of her work and that I must promise to do so...

(DH didn't enjoy the experience at all but if it had been up to me I would have banned him anyway, as he is a softy).

Anyway, I think you need a range of strategies from 'oh my goodness, is that the time?' to 'haha, it's almost like you're trying to put me off?' or 'and you had a second?'

Finally, I mean no disrespect to people who feel a need to tell their birth story -- I think some of them maybe needed counselling that they did not get - they didn't feel listened to at the time so they're going to make you listen now, or something?

WhoWants2Know · 30/12/2018 21:02

I loved labour. Specifically, I loved gas & air. There were painful parts, but I barely remember them.

gindrinkingmarypoppins · 30/12/2018 21:03

Agreed. It defies all logic why some women insist on regaling horror stories of their deliveries.
They're not all grim. Yes, it can hurt. And yes some are hours of pain, that's why it's called labour. But for some women they are also beautiful, magical moments in your life that you will never forget. For others those beautiful, magical moments may take a little longer to kick in, and that's also fine. Every women has a different birth experience, so don't just listen to the negative...it can be amazing too. As a midwife I would urge you not to fight your body, go with it and breathe. Try to relax and let your body do what it instinctively knows. If that's not for you and you then have the epidural.

Phineyj · 30/12/2018 21:03

Gosh, I went on a bit. Yes, just tell people to stop. It's rude to tell someone a story like this if they clearly don't want you to.

MadeForThis · 30/12/2018 21:03

It hurts. No point in saying it doesn't.

But it's totally different to any other type of pain/hurt.

It's medically managed to whatever degree you want.

But most importantly you know it will be over. And the reward is the best thing ever. If you don't know the sex it can be added incentive to keep going.

Every contraction is one closer to seeing your baby. It's very easy to be positive about the whole experience.

IDontNeedNoPyjamas · 30/12/2018 21:05

I don’t think the gas and air machine worked the first time for me, although I had some pethidine which was fairly enjoyable Grin. The second time around the gas and air was awesome - I was off my head - it was great!!

Sparklybanana · 30/12/2018 21:06

It hurts like nothing else. A vegan would eat meat to make the pain go away BUT, the high after my second was born made me want to do the whole thing again. It was so amazing. To see this tiny baby after so many months wondering about who they’d be and to meet this life changing creature. BEST HIGH EVER! With my first, it took ages and I was just knackered and in a bit of shock so the amazing bit was after. I wish I’d filmed both though as I’d love to memorise all of it. The pain was just one part of it. Plus you get your own horror story. It’s great. I’m not even lying.

user1486250399 · 30/12/2018 21:07

FWIW the birth of my son was a beautiful, relaxed home birth. Tough but glorious.
My first birth was really hard and scary and I think the reason for that was I wasn't prepared. So in some ways I kind of wish someone had told me.
But then, you can't really tell anyone. It's such an individual experience.
Try hypnobirthing.

ItsNearlyOver · 30/12/2018 21:10

Well the problem is that everyone is different. Everyone lied to me and I really really wish they hadn't! I had assumed childbirth would be nothing but mindfulness, tranquility and listening to my meditation music while popping little one out gently and serenely in the pool. I was even told 'it's not painful, just a dull ache'

Well, I so so wish people had been honest as I had the shock of my life!!! It was a nightmare! And because I'd not been told all this, and that it was NORMAL for childbirth to be horrific, I kept thinking I was not normal and things were more risky/bad etc.. than they should've been.

For DS 2 I was well prepared! And that definitely helped me!!

That said, I appreciate some people get anxious and hearing the horror stories can add to this. I'd suggest not ignoring the reality, but instead find ways to deal with it - think about what you will do to cope with the pain(epidural? Gas and air? Hypnosis?) and what you will do when faced with different choices and different complications. Having lots of plans and knowing what you will do to manage any eventuality (because eventualities will arise), should ease you anxiety.

Poppylizzyrose · 30/12/2018 21:14

Mine was the worst pain I thought was humanly possible until I had the epidural...but everyone experiences it differently I ended up induced and emergency c section so I had a tough one. It hurts...but you live and just think! In the past lots of woman didn’t!

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 21:14

@Touchmybum it'd be weird for me not to talk about what's going on with my life to be honest. Close friends and trusted family.

I'm not talking work colleagues, checkout staff or aquaintainces Hmm

It's not like I randomly start spouting my womb woes to the girl at Starbucks.

OP posts:
radiometer · 30/12/2018 21:14

I had the exact experience: all my colleagues lining up to tell me gory details unasked. In the end, I got a completely different experience than they described and what I'd imagined.

I'd wanted a homebirth but I got an induction in hospital.

It was amazing! It hurt, but the pain is secondary to this intense feeling of SOMETHING IS HAPPENING which shuts down thoughts. It's so weird. Nothing like anything I'd experienced.

It's a bit like a rollercoaster ride, in that you're fully committed to the ride once it starts and you might regret it while you're on but you feel amazing once it's over.

SunshineP · 30/12/2018 21:16

When I was about 8 months pregnant I went out with some friends who went on and on and on about how awful it was and how It would be horrific.
I promptly burst into tears and was inconsolable. They had to take me home.
It’s really strange why women do this. I’ve now had four children. I’ve been induced, gone into natural labour, has an emergency c section and been three weeks early. All different and although the first was long and others were fairly quick.
It’s not a walk in the park but it’s ok and you’ll be fine. Women have been having babies forever and survived.
Take some comfy clothes, snacks, baby stuff and nice toiletries.
If you need pain medication then ask for it. If you want an epidural then ask for it. I had to have an epidural when I was contracting and trying to keep still. Even that was fine.
Be warned there is simply nothing as amazing and wonderful as the first sight and feel of your baby.
Nothing.
And now my youngest is 11 I still look at all of them and I’m amazed.
You can go the careful boring root of keeping safe and having no kids in case it hurts but what’s the point.
I had four babies in 5 years and it was mad but wonderful.
Good luck. You’ll be fine x

Original poster
Outwards · 30/12/2018 21:16

So the general consensus is expect the very worst, but hope for the best, and remember there's a baby at the end Grin

Thanks all! Flowers

OP posts:
Therighthonourable · 30/12/2018 21:19

I was expecting the worst pain ever ( like the screaming women in film and tv). I honestly don't think it hurts that much. I only had gas and air for pain relief.

Pain is only temporary and your body only gives you as much pain as you can handle... for anything above that, your brain would make you pass out. Clever really.

EnglishRose13 · 30/12/2018 21:19

I hate this shit.

My labour was far from straightforward but I'd still rather do that a 1000 times over than 9 long bastard months of pregnancy!

I just kept telling myself that our bodies are designed to give birth.

wannabebetter · 30/12/2018 21:24

I remember a realisation at around 7 months (when I was starting to get quite big) that actually all this 'butterfly wings' and cute scan pictures were ok, but this huge bump had to actually had to get out of me one way or another!!! I think that moment was most terrifying of the whole thing!😂

M3lon · 30/12/2018 21:27

or you could go for an elective c section....

the dynamic range on experiences is rather lower with those...

InAPreviousLife · 30/12/2018 21:29

Both my childbirths were dramatic but DC and I survived them so they were positive. If pressed for detail Im honest but do play down the emotions I went through. In an identical situation someone else will feel differently.

My cousin pops babies out with nothing more than a pant and a squeeze. On her last she uttered the words "That stung a little" I'm pretty certain the venomous look I shot her being only 3 weeks post partum and still walking like I was auditioning for the Walking Dead is probably why the positive stories don't really get shared.

Good luck TTC

luckylavender · 30/12/2018 21:30

I had this, but honestly I've had much worse period pains than childbirth. I tell everyone this & it's absolutely the truth.

ItWentInMyEye · 30/12/2018 21:31

My last birth was excellent Smile 11lb 7oz with no tears or anything, couldn't have been happier with how it all went.

No2palmoil · 30/12/2018 21:37

I had great labours!! Look into hypnobirthing, aromatherapy and massage (partner massaging you) although mine did try to get me to rub him as he was so tired Hmm. Also a doula honestly I sound like a quack but it really helps to be surrounded by strong women when you are birthing.

I'm stopping at two but I'd happily have more with the labours I had. Only gas and air for both and a water birth for one. There was pain but it's not what you think your body is designed for this remember, you will ace it.

HoustonBess · 30/12/2018 21:37

Your friends are being dicks.

Frank conversations explaining what happened in birth are useful I think. It gives you an idea of the range of different scenarios that can happen in birth which makes you more prepared. Our culture doesn't tell women about birth through TV and films etc, it's either made overly sentimental and quick or played for laughs.

Trying to scare people with horror stories, which is what your friends are doing, is terrible.

I find it useful to compare it to the stories people tell you about losing your virginity when they have and you haven't - people want to play up the drama to make themselves feel superior, there's absolutely no certainty your experience will resemble theirs.

No2palmoil · 30/12/2018 21:38

I had great labours!! Look into hypnobirthing, aromatherapy and massage (partner massaging you) although mine did try to get me to rub him as he was so tired . Also a doula honestly I sound like a quack but it really helps to be surrounded by strong women when you are birthing.

I'm stopping at two but I'd happily have more with the labours I had. Only gas and air for both and a water birth for one. There was pain but it's not what you think your body is designed for this remember, you will ace it.

ChildofCastor · 30/12/2018 21:39

I had what could definitely be described as a traumatic birth, and certainly very different from how I'd imagined it, but I just think of it as the way my amazing son entered the world, and I have positive memories of the whole thing. It doesn't feel like a horror story to me, Sorry if that sounds twee. It's such a short amount of time though, and is just the start.

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