To wish my friends just lied?

[Outwards]

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

I had the most brilliant birth last time -- really the most incredible experience of my life, and hard work but not unbearably painful (I did it with just a TENS machine and breathing).

Personally I kind of think it is like running a marathon, rather than breaking a leg, if you see what I mean -- hard work, lots of exertion, but something that your body is made to do and with a real purpose. Breaking a leg, on the other hand, is just excruciating.

I had a tougher labour first time around and loads of gas and air and then ventouse/episiotomy, but I'd also say that wasn't too bad either! (I said so to my mum immediately after giving birth I didn't want anyone to think that I'd just erased the bad memories it really was a good experience). But it was more that the last one was so spectacularly perfect (I caught my own baby under water in the birth pool! I was ecstatic).

IME you'll be told every horror birth story before the birth - till after the birth then all the tales are that everyone had perfectly average births

Try reading the stories in an Ina May Gaskin book to get a sense of how empowering it can be to give birth. I found it really boosted my confidence before giving birth for the first time.

I had 4 homebirths. By the third, I honestly got my head around the 'pain' and during transition, I realised that what I had thought was pain, was actually a different feeling that I was interpreting as pain. It suddenly didn't hurt. I think a lot of pain is linked to fear. I also felt it helped hugely, when feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of the head coming down and feeling scared, to remind myself that it was 'just the baby's head coming down'. Not sure if this will help. I am a midwife and have been at births that have not been painful as such. Of course you will feel something, but I think it can be linked to your interpretation of what you are feeling. If you can afford it, I would recommend hypnobirthing as they address the fear factor.

I've had 3 births with no pain relief, whilst it was painful towards the very end it still wasn't so bad I couldn't cope or needed something. I tore badly with number 1 but the actual labour was fine. It helped that I stayef mobile for as long as possible then used water (it's the best bath you'll ever have... With loads of people in the room 🤣)
There's no horror story with my labours apart from they were all quick, with the first one if i'd gone home like they told me I would have delivered at home.
The aftercare was sometimes very bad so just be prepared for that.

In contrast I was told constantly that the aftercare would be terrible. It was amazing.

My (recent) labour was pretty horrible to be honest, bloody painful (until the drugs!), messy and somewhat undignified.
BUT it was also funny in moments, a huge bonding experience for me and my partner and something I’ll never ever forget for many reasons - number 1 being my beautiful boy.

I had a cut and a tear from the forceps and my baby got sepsis and ended up in special care so all in all it wasn’t the best time of my life but within 3 months I’d healed and was back exercising, baby is wonderful and I’m more in love with my partner than ever.

Childbirth is an experience, it’s one day (give or take) in your life. It can be both awful and wonderful at the same time.

When ppl want to tell you the horror stories ask them how they felt when they held the baby, how they felt when baby looked at them, how it felt to walk out of the hospital with baby in the car seat, how it felt to wake up on the first morning with baby at home...

In truth labour is 100% down to luck. Luck on your body reacting to the hormones. Position of the baby esp how it’s head connect with your cervix, the midwife caring for you, the baby’s reaction to everything,the ratio of the baby to pelvis, the care team looking after you, reaction to any drugs the list goes on. You might have a perfectly good birth, or a bloody awful one. No one can tell til they’re there. What I will say from a position at the extreme of traumatic birth experience, if things go wrong it helps to be prepared, to have already made decisions like who your partner will stay with if you and baby are separated etc.

Yeah but it does hurt though even if you have it “easy”. My friend told me it “pinched” all the time I was pregnant the first time and never elaborated on childbirth (I obviously knew she was joking about it pinching a little), when I messaged and said “I think I’m in labour” she said yeah it fucking hurts so bad but there’s nothing you can do about it now and laughed! I found it funny (we obviously have a similar sense of humour), but yeah she was right. I agree that you don’t need the “omg I nearly died” and “I ripped up to my armpits” stories, but it never hurts (lol) to be a little prepared for what’s coming.

I’m hoping to try for number 3 this year, I’m so unbelievably soft and squeamish with anything else, childbirth I go to another place and turn into superwoman. I’m surprised how well I’ve coped and how I had no fear the second time knowing what was coming. It isn’t that bad, it just pinches a little I guess.

As someone who works ‘in the business’ the truth is that the vast majority of births are completely uneventful. Yes painful, but nothing millions of women can’t handle. Just bog standard normal. But obviously nobody is going to tell you about their boring uneventful birth story.

In all likelihood you will have an uneventful labour too, because of statistics. But if you don’t, you will cope, you will survive, you will be fine and you will probably wholeheartedly agree to have another.

The truth is, for most women the labour is just a very short moment in the very long journey of being a mum.

When women tell me they are really worried about the labour, I have to bite my tongue to make sure I don’t say “it’s not the labour you need to worry about, it’s the first 6 months”.

Obviously never say this.

Kind of wish someone said it to me though.

Despite all this, I’m planning baby 2!!

Everyone has a different experience. Of course things can go wrong and it's not what you want to hear about when you're TTC or pregnant already. I had an emergency C-section because DD was undiagnosed breech. Obstetric team were great, spinal anaesthetic worked fabulously with no complications, DD arrived safe amd well. So even if the unexpected happens to can still all be fine. Hope that's encouraging but you could still politely tell your friends you don't want to hear their birth stories - it can get a bit tedious anyway!

Honestly, if you think the birth stories are bad then you should wait and see what comes next. Birth stories I can handle. Afterwards is horrific.

I've had easier, more relaxed days but even my most difficult labour (51h, 15h after I was 5cm dilated) was fine. I've had 3 natural deliveries though, and no tears or grazes.

Only thing I'd change was DC3 ending up in neonatal, but that's another thread

I'd take any of my labours over a day at home with 3 poorly kids!!

I had a friend who did this, and yes, she did have awful births, but she also wasn't a 'coper', and everything to her is dramatic. I wished I wasn't pregnant at one point, when I was 20 weeks and her telling me all the awful stories! Turned out I had a wonderful birth, and couldn't have been better, but I do just get on with things and now dwell on it when things go wrong. Ignore your friend, and don't read or listen to any birth stories.

A friend of mine had a very easy labour, literally 2 pushes & the baby was out. Baby was only 2 weeks early (so not actually premature). A healthy weight too.

Labour is so individual, nobody's experience will be the same as yours.

I had my second at home, it was very relaxed, and I felt a great sense of achievement at the end of it.

The first labour in hospital was messed up by them keeping me nil by mouth for hours, so I literally ran out of steam and needed help (forceps) to deliver.

Some people feel quite traumatised, Keira Knightley is obviously one of them since her 'realistic' descriptions of birth (which I won't repeat) are quite dramatic!

If I got to do my labour x 2 again, I would take all the drugs available. I would also insist that for labour #2 (by which point I'd learned from labour #2 that hypnobirthing and breathing through it was not for me) that they gave me the drugs when I asked for it, instead of keeping me waiting and then "Oh, you're too far gone for an epidural now, love".

In some ways, knowledge is power and the more you know then the more you can control your birth experience (or at least get the medical people to not dismiss your wishes). Yes, statistically you get fewer interventions with fewer drugs but mitigating the mother's pain is a valid reason to take the drugs.

wannabebetter

My husband still says that - “I’ve seen bits of you that you’ve not seen”!.
I ended up having emergency c-sections with both of mine, but all ended well. In fact, with dc2, I was home and walking dc1 to school 4 days after baby’s birth, so clearly had a very good surgeon!
I must add that both my pregnancies were amazing - I have never felt so well as I felt at that time.
I wish you well ttc and wish you as happy and healthy pregnancies and babies as I had - good luck op

Pfft mine was easy, didnt even know he was coming until he came out .. was a shock XD wasnt painful and he weighed 9lb 10 so was huge

Both of mine were fine. Both very quick and overwhelming! Painful but not agonising (had no pain relief with either, there was no time). I found the experience quite shocking as there's nothing like it and you can't possibly imagine how it's going to be. It was also quite a shock that there is no time to rest and recover after such a major physical and emotional event because you have a demanding newborn to look after.

Giving birth is a massive experience but it's still a small part of your life really and just a means to an end.

I don't want any more children now but I'd happily relive my children's births just to be able to see them for the first time again.

It’s just weird actually and fear playing a big part. You just don’t know what to expect.

I think by the time you get to 40 weeks + you are so ready.

Agree with it being more like a marathon. If I was up for 36hrs just sat in a chair I’d be good for nowt, never mind being in labour. I just got so tired but I had secondary bursts of energy.

The good things about labour:

it’s not like eastenders, you aren’t screaming the whole time. You have calm points where you can restock & negotiate next steps.

There are also a lot of drugs. I took all of the drugs.

There are lots of funny bits & light relief, these do happen in the calm bits.

Nature kicks in*, your body takes over & you think less than in pregnancy.

• I spent my anxiety riddled pregnancy creating an iPod playlist & picking a bikini top for the water birth I envisaged. In labour, I became almost cat like - I sought out a quiet, dark, small space. There was no way my body wanted music or water! It’s quite a different force than your mind.

Unless you had an epidural @Dvg I call Bull.Shit.

It also depends on your attitude going in. If you expect it to be awful, then more likely than not, it will be. Go in with a positive thoughts and it is likely to be more positive. I think the horrific births are mainly ones that are induced (makes it more painful) and have interventions

I call bullshit on this.

My bad birth experience is not due to how I prepared or the attitude I chose to take. It wasn't my "fault".

Fuck that.

I had no interventions. I didn't have time for an epidural.

OP, you don't want to hear my experience. I get that, and it's fine. I can't tell you that my experience was all flowers and puppies. But I can tell you that you will have your own experience and that you can't know what it will be like until the time comes.

My two best friends never join in on conversations about childbirth. 1 had three kids and the other 2. They both were fine about it and said when it really starting to hurt it was over. All their deliveries were quite textbook and quick. They don't recognize the horror stories of other people but to show respect let the others talk and don't mention their perfect births. They also had nice pregnancies without nausea and pain.

I guess that there must be more women out there with good experiences and that it's more difficult to talk about them if all you can say is that it was fine and you only pushed twice.