To wish my friends just lied?

[Outwards]

About childbirth.

Honestly, as soon as I mention I'm TTC I'm instantly given the labour horror story of the year.

A close friend was so traumatised she swears never again. Another friend then tried to 'trump' her story. So many details.

Is labour always destined to be bloody awful, and why do you insist on scaring the shit out of your friends?! Please, for my sake, lie!

@orangesunset. Snap... My pregnancy sounds just like yours.. horrible 😂

IME it is not the most enjoyable time of my life but it is an amazing feeling holding your baby in your arms. Good luck

Theres no hiding the fact labour hurts.but in perspective its not an illness it only lasts a short time and the prize is solo worth it xx

Both mine were amazing.

I was shocked by the pain of labour; I thought I had a high pain threshold until then! There were some horrible bits about my labour but I would never share them with a pregnant first-time mum; I’d only talk to someone who’d been through childbirth at least once. I wouldn’t lie; I just wouldn’t go into detail.

Labour and birth is bloody terrible. With my first I had a 24 hour labour, which ended in dd needing to be pulled out with a ventouse after about three hours of pushing.

It was hard, really hard, but it's one day of your life and you get a baby at the end of it. Honestly, the second they put that baby in your arms, all the pain before hand just pales into insignificance. Well it did for me anyway. Don't let it scare you disproportionately.

I did it 8 times. It’s so so worth it.

😲. I absolutely hated being pregnant, it felt like forever. However I'd rather go through childbirth over being pregnant for 9 months any day of the week. And yes it is very worth it.

Women in 3rd world countries give birth and then carry straight on in the fields working! I was terrified as once pregnant there's no going back and that haunted me all my pregnancy! Yes it was painful, no pain no gain. But every person is different and everyone deals with pain in a different way.
If it was that bad, women wouldn't go on to have more and life would become extinct. You will be given pain relief if you want it. Good luck op you'll be fine.

I am not sure that the position of women in developing countries is very relevant here as I) they have no choice (maybe even whether to be pregnant) and 2) there are high levels of mortality in labour and child mortality which (thank goodness) is not something we have to worry about too much here.

The 'natural childbirth movement' in the west also (in part) strongly encourages women to forgo pain relief.

Imo, one of the worst things about pregnancy/childbirth and the rest is other people's strong opinions!!

Oh and I'd just like to add that the bit I was most frightened of was actually the easiest... the crowning was what I always thought would hurt the most and yet it did not hurt at all.... and I had no pain relief apart from a tens machine! (Not by choice it was too fast for them to do an epidural) I was so surprised... the only hard bit of the labour when I would say it was very painful were the contractions about 30 mins before the pushing stage. The actual giving birth part did not register at all pain wise. I think it may have been because of the adrenaline. I just felt really focused and that's all I felt. I'd been so scared about that part before going in.

Actually after speaking to other women about it its apparently quite common that the contractions in the middle are the most painful bit and not the actual delivering of the baby. Wish I'd known that beforehand because during those painful contractions I was thinking 'God I can hardly bare this and its only going to get worse' and I was panicking and crying.. but actually it did not get worse it was completely manageable after that point.

I highly recommend hypnobirthing. Get the Katherine Graves book. Use affirmations. You'll convince yourself you can do it and that's all that actually matters (assuming no medical emergency which is very likely the case). I had a beautiful natural birth, which I LOVED. I was in labour 2 days and I still would love to do it again right now. I've never felt so wonderful about myself. When people tell birth horror stories I just feel sympathy that their experience was so negative, and in many cases it didn't need to be.

I had two very different births. One very straightforward few hours in hospital, he came out and then we went home the same day. The next was a planned C section which again was absolutely fine, scary having the wait beforehand plus there were worries about my baby, but the crack team of medics sorted her out, she spent two weeks in hospital and is totally fine.

You get the utter dramatists coming out with birth stories. They nearly bled to death etc, but they're the ones that shout the loudest. Most women probably have normal births but then don't need to go on about it. Ignore it, even if you do have a diffIcult birth it pales into insignificance when you have your baby in your arms.

Women in 3rd world countries give birth and then carry straight on in the fields working

Well, the ones that don't die, sure - 90% of maternal deaths in childbirth happens in developing countries. It's 300% more likely that you'll if you're giving birth there than in developed countries. Stats from Save the Children. 1 in 7 women (globally) will have complications in childbirth. I don't think it does anyone any favours to be complacent about these things.

Actually of all developed countries the UK has the highest maternal and baby mortality rate. It's woefully poor in comparison to other countries.

After hearing some horror birth stories, I do advocate C Section as a safer option in lots of cases. I had a friend who arrested after birth as the baby had compressed the bladder and so she was being given fluids-labour wouldn't progress for 20hours, and not passing urine. So when baby came out eventually in an EMCS, she went into shock.
ELCS is highly favourable, some vaginal births are brutal and I feel the UK force women into it as some kind of only option, as it it's wonderful and natural. Particularly in prolonged labours, with very big babies or in women who have had previous trauma.

And you get all the 'it's major surgery blah', but natural birth wrecks vaginas, particularly after repeated births. Some abdominal weakness or crap sex and an unfulfilled partner, they make out vaginal birth is simple and easy on the body and it's not.

Just chipping in here to say I had an emergency caesarean and I actually enjoyed the operation in a weird way. There was no pain at all and I was laughing and joking with my partner whilst they were doing what they needed to do behind the screen. I felt excited and relaxed. I also didn’t find the operation that hard to recover from either. I was up and about properly after a few weeks and I don’t remember much pain. Just trying to reassure you in case you need a caesarean last minute too.

sulflower did you have any gynae problems later. I have and my last child was 29 years ago.

"Natural birth wrecks vaginas" seriously??

Yanbu - my first was incredibly difficult and traumatic and to this day 13 years later I still suffer from PTSD, but whenever I’m asked by new or soon to be parents I lie. I say it was fine. What’s the point in sharing scare stories when actually I know more women who have had great normal births that those that didn’t.

Hypno Birth...

My partner and I did , and to be honest, it was perfect...

Wonderful watching her birth a child. Had a Donner Kebab 3 days in a row for tea too, which was a real bonus! ..

The following 18months were FXCKING hard work though! ...

;-0

Natural birth wrecks vaginas seriously
Yes. It makes them bigger, especially aftter a few.

Both my labours were straightforward. I was excited the first time, I read all about it (in1970) and though I was in a strange country my mum had flown over to be with me. Yes it was a bit painful but I was lucky, I’ve had worse period pains.
The second time was back in the UK and more ‘managed’ but again it wasn’t unbearable .
Some people have a very bad time. My advice is to read up on all the stages and how to manage your breathing. I used a now out of print book called The New Childbirth by Erna Wright. It was patronising, a bit old fashioned but totally informative and reassuring. Her strategies worked.

Christ Jamie I'm not even going there but do crawl back under the rock you came from.

You are technically correct but by multiple you are talking far higher than the average amount of children a woman has in western society. Normally within six months you will find a woman has entirely healed and there will be no obvious difference in most cases. Age is more a contributing factor to weakening muscles but that's can be said for all muscles not just the birth canal. Honestly this is the crap that infuriates.
Women have enough on their plate without this stuff getting flung about.

Just tell them you don't want to hear their horror stories.

1st births are usually difficult/lengthy because your body has no idea what it's doing: despite what you're told it is not the most natural thing on Earth the 1st time around, it's a learned skill.

My advice: go in with a positive attitude, treat it like running a marathon (conserve your energy and push through the gap).
Where possible stay as mobile as you can and if you're confined to bed, bunch the pillows up at the top of the bed to rest bump on and hang over the back of the bed... the longer you can stay upright the quicker it will hopefully be (helps baby get round your U bend).

And if anyone offers you paracetamol just politely decline... it's still classified as pain relief and I can assure you that it does diddly squat for full on labour pain and if you need something more substantial they won't give you anything decent for another 4 hours.

Best of luck! Xx

This annoys the shit out of me, Labour is different for everyone. I had all the horror stories then when I went into labour I had NO pain, I was on facebook at 9 1/2 cm dilated and got wrong of doctor for not concentrating. I was told by midwife that I definitely couldn't be having contractions. because I would have been in severe pain. Two minutes later a doctor came in and told me it was ready to come. No pain at all.