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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at dd16..

233 replies

pizzabadger · 30/12/2018 18:44

Because I cant ask her to look after her little brothers for half an hour without a massive argument?

She was sitting on her phone doing fa and I asked her to watch them so I could have a bath and she went off in a massive strop.

Apparently it's completely unfair and I'm a slave driver because she watched them while I was making the dinner.
Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.

She has now stormed off to her dad's,no doubt to tell him how I'm all the arseholes, and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

OP posts:
thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 22:15

Babysitting younger siblings is part of family life.

Not it isn't. Not for a lot of people.

Who is paying for that phone of hers? Because if it was me I'd be attaching some caveats to that or withdrawing funding.

Blackmailing her is likely to backfire. She has another parent, who doesn't expect her to babysit. If one parent tries to manipulate her like that, 'Babysit or no phone!', well, she has plenty of other options. I'd get a job, move in with Dad and my relationship with my mother would probably be irrevocably damaged. My 16-year-old works and pays for her phone because she wanted one that we couldn't afford - we gave her the money we'd have paid for the one that came with the contract and she made up the difference with her own funds. But being a parent of 3 teens myself, this kind of manipulation rarely works well.

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 22:17

I think chores are fine, but it doesn't seem like she wants to babysit or she's sick of it.

MakeAHouseAHome · 30/12/2018 22:18

Bloody hell what is wrong with some people in here!? Your children are not fucking surrogate nannies! Do NOT have children if you cannot raise them without the help of your other children.

RiverTam · 30/12/2018 22:23

Did everyone miss the OP saying that it's only this week she's ever asked her DD for some assistance with her younger DC? Or are you too busy frothing?

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:24

@Rivertam

Either she's a member of the family, and family help each other out, or she's not. Why are so many people making excuses for her? Babysitting younger siblings is part of family life.

What a load of guff. 'Babysitting your younger siblings is part of family life' in YOUR world maybe. But in the world of many other parents, they don't take the piss out of their older children and expect them to do the job THEY should be doing, whilst they buggar off to do their own thing.....They are YOUR kids that YOU chose to have, so YOU look after them!

Don't you think your kids (especially daughters!) are going to have enough years of fucking drudgery and babysitting, without you forcing it down her throat at 16 while she is still a kid, at school, doing exams etc, and while she should be enjoying her carefree teen years!?!

Who is paying for that phone of hers? Because if it was me I'd be attaching some caveats to that or withdrawing funding.

Nice. Blackmailing and bullying your own kids into being an unpaid nanny to your other kids. Bet they can't wait to leave home. Hmm

@wisdomofcrowds

Are we really to believe that this is the only job in the entire world that OPs husband is able to do? There is a place in between "works over seas for months at a time" and "sitting home on the dole" and it's called "getting a normal but possibly less fun job like the majority of other parents on the planet". My OH had a job that was incompatible with family life, so he found another one! It took a long time, it meant leaving his dream career, and he had to do some evening courses to vary his skill set, but he made the sacrifice because his responsibility as a parent came first.

I agree. Imagine the uproar if a mother fucked off abroad for months at a time, leaving her husband to look after the kids?

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:25

Babysitting younger siblings is part of family life.

Not it isn't. Not for a lot of people.

She isn't being asked to babysit. Just to watch them whilst the OP has a bath, in the same house.

But yes, lets get the DH to jack in his job which means for a few short weeks the family has to all muck in together. I'm sure the DD will be happy to give up her phone and all the other things that job pays for.

Its utterly ridiculous that this low level of help is considered unreasonable and that an 16 yr old can't contribute in such a small way to family life.

Cheeeeislifenow · 30/12/2018 22:26

Do other people's kids not help out at home??

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:28

Did you miss what the OP said @RiverTam and how extremely entitled she is, demanding that her teen daughter babysits HER toddlers? And did you miss how she is pissing and moaning about being left all day with her OWN TWO TODDLERS?

And did you miss the OP acting like she is looking after someone else's kids NOT HER OWN?! Hmm

I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.

She has now stormed off to her dad's, no doubt to tell him how I'm all the arseholes, and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

Or are you too busy rivertam ignoring the obvious, so you can spout guff?

RiverTam · 30/12/2018 22:28

It appears not, cheeese. One week of being asked to help her own family for half an hour once or twice a day clearly is an outrage.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:31

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect a teen to help in the house now and again, or with her younger siblings.... But the way the OP is going on, like her teen daughter has massively inconvenienced her by not looking after the OP's OWN TODDLERS, and left HER to look after them is shocking tbh. Entitled much? Why have kids when you find it such a ballache to look after them?

Platypusfattypus · 30/12/2018 22:33

Get real. Half an hour of sitting in the same room as the children does not equate surrogate nannying. The hysteria in this thread is bizarre.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:34

And did you miss how she is pissing and moaning about being left all day with her OWN TWO TODDLERS?

You mean the DDs OWN SIBLINGS?

I didn't see pissing and moaning I saw her describing a long day where she hadn't considered asking DD for help because DD had activities of her own during the day.

I genuinely don't get why its wrong for families to help each other out. Presumably its also a breach of human rights if she asks DD to wash up after eating the dinner which has been prepared for her?

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 22:35

What's funny is if the OP had replaced 'DD' with 'DM' or 'grandparents' there would be hue and cry about expecting childcare.

Weenurse · 30/12/2018 22:35

Please note how many posters are older siblings who resent their siblings and /or left home early to get away from similar situations. Is this what you want?

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:37

Get real. The OP is crying off because her daughter is leaving her to look after her OWN toddlers and the OP is moaning about it like her teen daughter owes her something.

The flippant attitude and entitled-to attitude from some on this thread is bizarre!

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:37

What's funny is if the OP had replaced 'DD' with 'DM' or 'grandparents' there would be hue and cry about expecting childcare.

Presumably if it was DM or DGM they wouldn't be sitting around in the OPs house on their paid for phone after eating their prepared dinner put on the table for them after a day out with their friends.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:38

C8 I mean the OP's OWN TODDLERS.

Siblings or not... THE TEEN GIRL IS NOT THE MOTHER OF THE TODDLERS.

Don't have kids if you can't be arsed to look after them, and you're gonna moan when you teen kid refuses to play mommy.

Platypusfattypus · 30/12/2018 22:39

I’m an older sibling who occasionally sat with her sister for a brief period occasionally. No resentment. I’ve asked my older two if they resent sitting with their toddler sibling occasionally whilst I clean the bathroom. They prefer that to cleaning the bathroom. I totally get the resentment where an older sibling is used as childcare a lot and at detriment to themselves but that is not what is happening here. People are projecting.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 30/12/2018 22:40

You mean the DDs OWN SIBLINGS?

Half siblings actually. Half siblings which, along with a new stepfather, have presumably changed the dynamic of DD's life more than anyone seems to care about. It used to be just mother and daughter, now it's mother, mother's new husband, their two children together and DD. I wouldn't be surprised if she feels a sense of displacement.

Thewifipasswordis · 30/12/2018 22:41

"Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends." Hmm

She is not the parent, hired help or babysitter.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:42

C8 I mean the OP's OWN TODDLERS.

Yes. That is the DD's OWN SIBLINGS. Her flesh and blood. Her family.

She isn't being asked to "play mommy" she is being asked to keep an eye whilst OP cooks her dinner or whilst OP has a bath. It isn't even babysitting its people in the same family helping each other.

I assume its ok that the OP cooks her 16yr olds meals, provides her phone etc or are relationships unidirectional?

I really wonder how some families function when they apparently don't help each other to such a small degree.

Cheeeeislifenow · 30/12/2018 22:42

Surely when you are part of a family and nearing adulthood you understand that you have to contribute the home in some way shape or form.
30 mins watching a younger child watch a cartoon or playing a game with your sibling is hardly slavery.
Some of the replies on this thread have been awful regardless of weather. You think op is U or not...
Can you all try and remember that there is a real person on the other end.
You can state your oipnion without telling someone "you shouldn't have opened your legs"

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 22:43

Presumably if it was DM or DGM they wouldn't be sitting around in the OPs house on their paid for phone after eating their prepared dinner put on the table for them after a day out with their friends.

Because they're bloody SIXTEEN and can't exactly just walk right into a job and get a flat and live on their own. Imagine that? You're a bit limited in where you live when you're SIXTEEN. And we have no idea who pays for the phone. It could be her dad. Or if the dinner was for her, but hey, why not she make the dinner and her mother look after her kids, or maybe the mum preferred to get a break by making the dinner.

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 22:45

But hey, maybe if she's gone to her dad's she'll stay there to avoid more babysitting.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:51

My word the capslocks are busy tonight.

Because they're bloody SIXTEEN and can't exactly just walk right into a job and get a flat and live on their own. Imagine that?

Yes that was my point. Its a stupid comparison.

On the other hand, I get the feeling a lot of PPs are reacting to the fact that the siblings are step siblings rather than full siblings.

And yes I was one of the older siblings, I sometimes watched whilst a parent was busy cooking or doing the million other things that fed me, clothed me, paid for me and generally got me to successful adulthood.

I find it bizarre on MN how at 16 a child is too much a child to be expected to contribute in the slightest way to family life but at 18 they should be independent adults and anything else is child abuse.

As for comments like "open your legs" - words fail me.

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