Family inviting themselves on hoildays

[gh73]

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

Symphony - You tell DH what dates to book off from work, no need for further details

Being on the other side of this, it can be difficult and awkward to say "no we want to be alone". I have had to do this on this occasion but I would never put anyone in this position and if someone wants you to go they would have INVITED you. Even if you ask they are going to probably say, yea sure and quietly be furious or annoyed that you have bunked in on much needed time alone or quality faimly time 😬

lol your all so hilarious actually no my girls dont mind at all our dec hol was to gran canaria one of my daughters booked it with her hub snd 3 kids, my other daughter boked on her friends booked on, my hubby son and myself booked on 26 in total we had a ball . we are a close family and we dont plan hols together unless its a big occasion, we dont like to put other members under pressure as some are more well off than others one daughter has several hols a year whilst the other has kids and can afford one a year . my kids know i know when im welcome or not weve lost a lot of family members in last few years so we know time is precious and having a hol with 26 people gegging in is not a bad thing in our family . 😎

I new you wanted to come anyway I’d of booked an not told you if I didn’t .... my daughters reply to your comments i sent her

'Gegging in' or rather inviting yourself isn't normal for most people though, be it family or friends. It sounds like you have traditions and unspoken agreements, thats very different from this situation. It's never on to invite yourself to anything- holidays , weddings, parties...

This isn't a tradition of all piling in. This is a family intruding on a couples adult holiday time without invitation or precident.

Its great your daughter responded like that but anyone thinking of going on holiday with others without invitation should ask first (ot after the fact) or better, wait for an invitation.

“the daughters probably got her own thread!”

And her SIL almost certainly has his own thread on Reddit. Under MIL NO! or whatever it is called.

Seriously Guild you must stop this. You will affect your Dd’s marriage.

Do you think maybe they booked the same time because there was a deal or something? They might not be intending to hang about with you guys?

Either way that's so strange

no its just me thats illiterate sorry, we as a family do add on to each others days out and hols we always have , we give each other space and we all get on well if one of us wasnt happy about it we would most certainly tell each other, and as for my son in law he is fab, him and my hubby are great friends, gym buddies, play footy together and have great nights out together, we are in our 40s they are in their 20s sorry if the fact we have a great relationship offends people but we do know when to step back and so do they 😁

Gild69 I think you are kidding yourself. Your daughters have to be polite. How do their partners feel about their MIL tagging along on their holidays? My OH would not be a happy bunny.

Seriously Guild you must stop this. You will affect your Dd’s marriage

What absolute bullshit. Some families do actually enjoy spending time together. I appreciate that in this case the OP wants some alone time with her DP but in many families holidays are shared and the more the merrier. And it shouldn't actually be hard to simply say that you want a holiday alone with your DP if that's the case

XiCi, unfortunately in some families, overbearing parents can mean that you can't say "no, we don't want a joint holiday".

Gild this happened in our family with my Aunt and her daughter. My aunt never knew but her inviting herself along to all her daughters family holidays caused a lot of problems for her daughters marriage and was a contributing factor in them separating.

trust me i am in no way overbearing, quite the opposite in fact although cant say the say for my OH i have a hol in mind for my 50th and if my family decide to tag along then thats fine with me as we all know how our family works, im not the sort of person to take over with day trips , interferring with the GC, eating meals at the same time we all do our own thing and as i dont do nights out, my hubby gets to go out with the others and enjoy himsel, it works for us.

Fair enough, I cross posted with Guild’s explanation of their big family holidays, lots of family’s do operate like that and are a mutual support system for each other. I envy that, tbh. The first post about crashing the Amalfi coast hol didn’t make it sound like that at all.

And the OP on this thread doesn’t have the extended ‘muck in’ approach to holidays. So the SIL assuming it is a problem.

What on Earth is 'gegging in'?

Really multicolour? I can't think of a single adult I know that wouldn't be able to open their mouth and simply say that a holiday was alone time for them and dp.

XiCi I know many adults who would feel to embarrassed and would not want to cause any upset.

I can think of one xici,the op

Haha lifeof . Honestly can't think of anyone from work colleagues to my social circle to immediate and extended family that wouldn't be able to express something so simple. Even a quick text would have immediately solved the issue. So much drama over nothing. I suspect in this case the DH probably suggested to his siser that they come along and is now shitting himself awaiting the fallout

With All due respect to your history as am empire but you don't own Thailand and who can and cannot go there with or without you. Maybe they got the same deal or discount you did. Maybe they had a dream vacation in mind. Just say you haven't solidified plans and make yourself scarse.

Pashal what an utterly twattish thing to say.

XiCi good for you, however many of us do know people that would have a hard time speaking up so that is that.

gegging jn - peggging on?