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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:
Mincingfuckdragon · 30/12/2018 23:59

OP, suggest you tell them outright now that you are not interested in co-holidaying to even a minor extent. Otherwise they might, by weaseling information out of your husband, end up in the same hotel or one next door. (My MIL, two BILs, and SIL all came on our honeymoon. Not so bad, as we knew in advance and although it was presented to me as a done deal I did give grudging consent. But at one hotel - we were travelling around - the unmarried BIL shared our hotel room for two nights because he hadn't managed to book a separate room. It was not ideal TBF...My point is people will push the envelope, so set expectations now).

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/12/2018 00:03

I know someone who surprised a couple on their honeymoon.

chestylarue52 · 31/12/2018 00:06

@thighofrelief101

Nooooooo

What happened

Weenurse · 31/12/2018 01:07

What tha!

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/12/2018 01:14

The couple were on some wildlife safari type thing for 2 weeks and he rocked up and joined them for the whole of their second week. It was the crasher who told me about it and said he and the husband spent loads of time together as the wife didn't seem that interested in the big game.

I didn't know the couple but could imagine the wife fuming at base camp while her husband had to "be polite". When i said "they must have been furious" he looked really puzzled.

TheMaddHugger · 31/12/2018 06:25

@thighofrelief101 I hope you explained it to him. What he had done

SuchAToDo · 31/12/2018 06:33

Change the dates of the holiday of you can...or stay in a different part of Thailand to them or a different hotel/resort...or book a holiday to somewhere different...

You can bet if someone is bringing their kids along they will be trying to palm them off on you sometime during the holiday and see you as ready made babysitters...so sort this out now if you want your husband /wife only holiday

KatharinaRosalie · 31/12/2018 08:09

there was a MN poster whose MIL surprised them on their honeymoon.

ReflectentMonatomism · 31/12/2018 08:15

It is a regular trope on reddit’s JustNoMIL. On a trust the dealer but always cut the deck basis, I am secretive about the details of my travel plans.

Biker47 · 31/12/2018 08:16

Happened again few times as assumption was we were fine with it.

Would have only happened once with me, then the next holiday I would have fed them BS about when and where we were going, then at the last minute drop in that I had either made it up or we weren't going there anymore.

OP, if you've booked the seats on the plane already, don't tell them, or tell them ones that are at the opposite end of the plane, also try and book 2 seats by themselves rather than in a row of 3/4 as if any of them end up being free they can't just rock up and dump themselves or their kid in the spare seat.

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/12/2018 08:28

hugger actually he dumped me for having a messy lawn (green kind). I'm talking 5 inch grass rather than abandoned campervan. He told a mutual friend who told me that he looked at my lawn and envisioned himself mowing it every weekend. I phoned him and said I thought his house furnishings revealed him to be a maiden aunt but that I was more of a gentleman than him and hadn't mentioned it previously. Then bought a better lawnmower - bit obsessive about it now!

billybagpuss · 31/12/2018 08:41

Have you actually had the conversation with dp about them having expectations of babysitting. All you’ve said is you’re arguing but have you broken it down to him?

Sparkletastic · 31/12/2018 09:05

Are you sure DH didn't encourage them? Is he the type that likes lots of company? If my DH did this he'd be holidaying alone with his family whilst I took myself off for a luxury singles break!

Original poster
gh73 · 31/12/2018 12:26

I found out by another faimly member who said did you here xxx booked Thailand and I said oh for next year etc and they said no same dates your going I think etc. We had been asked before about dates as someone was booking a faimly birthday etc around it and general questions about what airline did you go by and did you get a good deal etc and as only flight going out that day with that airline they must have figured it out. I was so shocked when I heard and I was furious that I didn't even here from them directly. I have since changed our plans and cross over on last 2 days due to flying out of same destination and flights time etc and I booked adult only hotel. To be honest I might have enjoyed doing a few days with them if it wasn't done the way in which it was and there was some type of warning or discussion with us about it prior to booking. ie. We are thinking of going, got a good deal but we don't want to interfere with yous do you want to even meet up somewhere along the line, no worries if not totally understand etc But now I just have no interest at all.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 31/12/2018 12:35

Please don't tell anyone in the family your change of plans. Otherwise they will find out and most likely switch to the same dates and still hound you, regardless of different accommodations.

JillScarlet · 31/12/2018 12:43

Well done, OP.
And yes, keep schtum! Is your DH on side?

Holidayshopping · 31/12/2018 13:08

Well done! What did your DH say?

thebaronetofcockburn · 31/12/2018 13:13

I wouldn't tell them a scooby, not even about the cross over. CF chancers. Really hope your change of plans does not include being on a plane with them. For the 2 days crossover I'd arrange all-day excursions and then head straight back to adult only hotel.

I'd be fucking furious!

Don't provide any childcare and never tell them a bean about hols again.

'Got any holiday plans?' 'Nope. Think we will just play it by ear.'

Witchend · 31/12/2018 13:30

Bill would do this.

He once found out what hotel bride and groom were staying at for the first night and booked him and wife the same.
He then joined them for breakfast. He was very smug about it because they were brought a complimentary bottle of champagne at the table and him and wife managed to not only have a glass for breakfast, but told bride and groom that he "might as well take the rest back to their room" because they were leaving later (1 hour) so had longer to enjoy it.

He didn't seem to see anything wrong in his behaviour. Shock

Athena18 · 31/12/2018 17:57

I don’t think it’s rude to say “normally we would love to meet and share but on this occasion we need to do our own thing”

Mix56 · 31/12/2018 17:58

send from DH's email, , "just to let you know, we have booked our desperately needed holiday alone , we love you lots, but we will not be meeting up at anytime.
no beaches, no site seeing, no babysitting.
We were even going to change destination... believe me. rather than fall out, I am giving you a heads up

Mix56 · 31/12/2018 18:00

oops, crossed posts, well done ! (don't tell DH new plans !)

countrygirl99 · 31/12/2018 18:32

Tell them you are going to Pattaya and are planning on boozing the evenings away in all the sleaziest bars you can find. Confide your fantasies about ladyboys. If that doesn't do the trick nothing will

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/12/2018 18:38

Just make sure your DH doesn't spill the beans about new plans 🙄

strawberryredhead · 31/12/2018 18:51

Their behaviour is crazy. I’d reply with, “haha you’re not following us to Thailand are you?! We’re going on a romantic trip just the two of us!”
Then do not meet up with them once, not for lunch as one poster suggested. They are crazy for trying to get free holiday babysitting out of you. Do not do any weird British polite stuff.

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