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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Found DS (15) Weed/Cannabis huge stash

216 replies

CallMeRachel · 30/12/2018 02:28

I've researched topics on this here but not many replies on teenagers or addictions sections so posting here for broader advice and opinions.

I have been aware for a while that my 15 year old son occasionally smokes weed with his friends. I have always told him that I don't approve and that I believe it can be triggering to mental health issues and to never bring it into our home.

Recently he's been smelling strongly of weed on a daily basis.

He got a fairly large amount of money for Christmas this year from us as well other family members.
This money was given as he asked for money to buy clothes in the sales.
He doesn't have any income from a part time job or anything.

I've gone into his room tonight while he's out and sitting on his bedside unit in full view is a Kilner jar 3/4 full of weed.

I feel completely out of my depth with this and how I should deal with it. It seems that cannabis is so widely used/accepted now that I'm unsure how big a deal this actually is.
I've never been a cannabis smoker and disapprove of it as I do believe it can be harmful to mental health as well as be a gateway drug.

Honestly, wibu to take the whole jar and hide or dispose of it?

Should I ask the police or school for help? Will they help or will they be only interested in getting a case against him?
I don't want my house searched and my child arrested and future prospects ruined for what could be a stupid phase.

The amount that's there is making me worried he's started dealing, there's no way that's just personal use?

Can anyone tell me what that amount of weed would cost?

He's out overnight at a friends just now and I can't sleep for worrying how I should approach this. It's all very well saying report him to the police, get him arrested etc but that's not going to help either him or us in the long run.

I need to handle this carefully but don't want to be a passive parent, nor a OTT one that goes overboard and makes matters worse.

AIBU in being absolutely clueless on how to deal with this and to be asking on here for help and advice?

OP posts:

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 02:32

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EmbarrassingThing · 30/12/2018 02:34

A kilner jar 3/4 full?

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 02:37

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Original poster

CallMeRachel · 30/12/2018 02:38

If you don't believe what I'm saying just move on. Troll hunting is banned as we all know.

Kilner jars come in all sizes. I have a photograph here, it's about 10cm in height.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 30/12/2018 02:39

Given the thread that was deleted recently I expect posters will be along soon to suggest throwing a weed party and you joining in the fun.

EmbarrassingThing · 30/12/2018 02:40

"I found a barrel full of rum!"
...later...

"The barrel is only 5cm high"

Original poster

CallMeRachel · 30/12/2018 02:41

I didn't see the thread that was deleted recently.

I've obviously posted at the wrong time of day to get any sensible replies.

OP posts:

KittyVonCatsworth · 30/12/2018 02:41

3/4 Kilner jar (average size) is quite a lot but I’d still say it’s for personal use. It would have cost him around £150-200 based on my local prices. Regardless, you’ve asked him not to bring it into your house and he’s blatantly breaking your rules. At 15 he’s pushing boundaries and you need to stick to your guns and confiscate it.

I personally never found marijuana to be a gateway drug but agree that it it could cause MH issues, or mask existing conditions.

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 02:43

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inbetweenmass · 30/12/2018 02:43

Don't take it to the police. Your DS doesn't need a criminal record, that's not going to help.

You've told him not to bring it home and he has done. I'd take it off him.

How much did it cost? Well, how much did he get for clothes? I'd say that much.

If he complains, point out he should be kissing your feet that you didn't take it to the police.

ChristmasSprite · 30/12/2018 02:45

In your post you have talked round in circles.

Why do you think that ounitives measures now will not help him in the long run?

He 15! You already said he stinks of weed, what on earth were you thinking giving him anything for Christmas, but money!!!! Jeez! Wasn't that the worst possible thing. I don't understand how he has weed when he has no money? You said no job, so how is he buying it exactly?

I would throw it out or hand it all over to the police and take responsibility for dealing with this properly.

He should get a record for this. It's far from harmless. There will be all manner of crime and abuse involved in getting this drug to end user...or dealer

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 02:46

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araiwa · 30/12/2018 02:46

Free weed!

Skin up and listen to some pink flod

ChristmasSprite · 30/12/2018 02:48

There you go Benidorm your wish fulfilled

PenelopeFlintstone · 30/12/2018 02:53

I definitely would not ring the police.

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 02:54

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HeronLanyon · 30/12/2018 02:55

Is it the presumed amount that has made a few think this is made up ?? I read this as a real, considered, thoughtful post.
I’m at the criminal bar and know from that work that teenagers buying weed in bulk is very far from unusual. His choice of container (not easily hidden and he knows you have said he is to have none in the house) and the fact it was left out are both odd to my mind.
Difficulty with involving police who might simply warn or caution is the amount. Also often - very often -youngsters say stupid things around whether they are supplying ( even the odd joint to a friend). This from a mix of not realising how serious supply then turns otherwise ‘personal use’ and very misplaced bravado and seeming generosity etc.

I personally would not involve the police. At the back of my mind and for the future I would also be the ‘knowingly allowing your premises to be used for supply’ type offences if he were to admit smoking and sharing in your home.

He has exposed himself to probably unforeseen risk and you too (potentially, in the future).

Confiscation and strong words and letting him know you are keeping an eye on his bedroom plus other ‘domestic’ sanctions re eg Wifi/times to be home etc for a bit would be the route I would take.
Good luck.
If for any reason this was a false thread then it has at least helped me through some insomnia due to recent bereavement !

The4thSandersonSister · 30/12/2018 02:56

Tell your DC to mail it to me instead the cheeky imp 🤤

Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 02:59

Get rid of it, he should have hidden it better

Insomnibrat · 30/12/2018 03:03

Let's see the photo then....

Lovingbenidorm · 30/12/2018 03:07

I absolutely apologise with all sincerity if I’m wrong.

HeronLanyon · 30/12/2018 03:10

Well there certainly are some ‘frayed’ threads tonight so your reaction was understandable even if it turns out to be wrong.
I’m fairly new to MN and must say tonight has been a bit of an eye opener !

Original poster

CallMeRachel · 30/12/2018 03:12

Thank you @HeronLanyon

I am genuine and am unsure why my post has caused such a suspicion.

I have zero experience of drugs myself and don't know anyone who uses so am possibly naive in thinking the amount is huge?

I think the jar is normally hidden in a bag but he had friends in earlier and they've gone out obviously forgetting to put it away.

This is a relatively new thing he's been doing. Up until now we believed he was occasionally sharing a joint socially with friends who smoke it.
He had no income to buy it himself, until Christmas when he was given money.

OP posts:

Herja · 30/12/2018 03:13

That reads as normal to me. I stored by the kilo when I was a teenger for other people so I could have it free. Not everyone is a nice teenager. Kilner jars are also normal, they stop it smelling so much if it's in the house; it's what everyone I know who smokes more than a spliff here or there uses for it. I'd have thought about £150-200 also. No, I'd not take it to the police, yes I probably would remove it from him.

HeronLanyon · 30/12/2018 03:21

Storing or holding for another is supply and is often admitted by younger people not aware of this ‘I was just keeping it for x’.

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