Found DS (15) Weed/Cannabis huge stash

[CallMeRachel]

I've researched topics on this here but not many replies on teenagers or addictions sections so posting here for broader advice and opinions.

I have been aware for a while that my 15 year old son occasionally smokes weed with his friends. I have always told him that I don't approve and that I believe it can be triggering to mental health issues and to never bring it into our home.

Recently he's been smelling strongly of weed on a daily basis.

He got a fairly large amount of money for Christmas this year from us as well other family members.
This money was given as he asked for money to buy clothes in the sales.
He doesn't have any income from a part time job or anything.

I've gone into his room tonight while he's out and sitting on his bedside unit in full view is a Kilner jar 3/4 full of weed.

I feel completely out of my depth with this and how I should deal with it. It seems that cannabis is so widely used/accepted now that I'm unsure how big a deal this actually is.
I've never been a cannabis smoker and disapprove of it as I do believe it can be harmful to mental health as well as be a gateway drug.

Honestly, wibu to take the whole jar and hide or dispose of it?

Should I ask the police or school for help? Will they help or will they be only interested in getting a case against him?
I don't want my house searched and my child arrested and future prospects ruined for what could be a stupid phase.

The amount that's there is making me worried he's started dealing, there's no way that's just personal use?

Can anyone tell me what that amount of weed would cost?

He's out overnight at a friends just now and I can't sleep for worrying how I should approach this. It's all very well saying report him to the police, get him arrested etc but that's not going to help either him or us in the long run.

I need to handle this carefully but don't want to be a passive parent, nor a OTT one that goes overboard and makes matters worse.

AIBU in being absolutely clueless on how to deal with this and to be asking on here for help and advice?

Weeds not really a big deal, all it does is calm ypu down and gives you a different perspective on life, I was 18 when I started smoking it so a little older than your boy.
I wouldn't take it to the police as they ll make a big deal about it and say he's dealing but that sounds like personal use.
I haven't taken another drug so I wouldn't call it a gateway drug. It's like having a fag really.
It will only effect his mental health if he had underling issues already like schizophrenia but ypu would know that by now
I would give him rules about it in the house and that's it, if you make a big deal about it, he ll just do it behind your back anyway.
Getting stoned is alot better that getting really drunk x

Show us the jar

I used to keep my home-grown in a biscuit tin.

I'd have flipped out if my mum had nicked my stash.

I started smoking weed around 13/14. I regret it now, it depends on the person. You can smoke it everyday and you might be fine but for me I smoked it everyday for years and it made me an extremely anxious person, quit school, killed some brain cells and made me lazy. I started college waaay too late because of the shit weed brought me! (It was so fun at the time, smoking with your pals, then wanting it every single day, getting stoned in school, failing exams because you're stoned) it all happens.

Thinking back I regret ever beginning it and now anytime I rarely smoke it it just makes me think too much and I don't feel good.

I would remove it from him and teach him a hard lesson (he will be disgusted after spending all his Christmas money on it, well that's what he gets!) I used to sell my Christmas presents for money for weed!

I still have friends who can smoke it regularly and it doesn't negatively effect them but I fucking hate it and it's for losers. (Medicinal excludes, obviously)

Anyway. Remove it from him and teach him the hard way.

Don't even mention it and watch his face drop when he sees the jar has vanished, he will be too scared to ask you because he will be too stoned to remember whether or not he took it with him and lost it or left it in his bedroom for you to see!

But in all seriousness, that is how it all starts, gateway drug as you say, I was smoking weed 13/14 then on harder drugs by 16. There's no way I would've tried harder drugs if I had not smoked weed before.

Never smoked it myself as I come from a very conservative traditional household (would you have ever guessed). And doing weed is very frowned upon.

However having gone through university and now at work I found that I was part of a very small group of people who have never tried weed. And at work in the office I think I am the only one who hasn't even tried weed - it really is that common. More alarmingly however, in finance, it seems cocaine is pretty common but it scares me to even mention it here.

Positives are it isn't addictive like other drugs but it has its problems. There won't be any mental health issues, it is legal in a lot of countries and far far far less dangerous than cigarettes. It does make people paranoid from what I've seen but I think going by what I've seen with friends, it tends to be something you do at a certain age then just cut down.

It is harmless - but it must not lead to other heavy drugs.

Flush it and put the jar back exactly where you found it. He will tie himself in knots trying desperately not to speak about it whilst being simultaneously furious.

Pick your moment and tell him it's his last chance - next time it's police involvement. I'd also be grounding him.

When he has his own place, he can do what he likes. Until then, your house, your rules.

He's just a teenager, the loss of his stash is going to severely stunt his attraction to his mates and be embarrassing.

Megan
Stop talking crap. Weed damages people’s brains permanently and mental health when smoked regularly for a prolonged period.

I’d definitely confiscate it - as in get it out of your home - and cut off all sources of cash / money including his bank account etc. Hide all of your money and anything expensive and easy to sell. This is looking very worrying.

I would also look at getting some support for you to know how to facklt this. There are several helplines and websites including the FRANK website - you may remember the “talk to frank” ads.

@Mummyoflittledragon exactly. I smoked it everyday for two years straight and it killed lots of brain cells. I felt as if I'd been living under a rock when I stopped and had no common sense.

ILoveFoooood
I am sorry to read your story. I hope you have got your life back and are heading for a place, where you will be happy.

I live somewhere marijuana is legal and I smoke but I would not be happy with my minor teens having most of a Kilner jar of weed to smoke, just as I drink but would not be happy with them having a bottle of vodka in their rooms.

I agree with others not to go to the police. It's out of your hands at that point and, tbh, the effect of a criminal conviction or caution, even underage, is probably worse than the likely impact of smoking weed. As weed has become more common its standing as a gateway drug has fallen so I wouldn't necessarily be that worried about that unless there are other factors to be concerned about.

I do share your concerns over mental health issues, especially given how young he is and the fact he seems to be using so frequently. I would go the confiscate and destroy route and another serious talk about the risks and your house rules. Maybe instead of a police referral, you could get your GP to talk to him about the mental health risks?

Marijuana's effect on mental health is complicated with a lot of fear-mongering and poorly designed studies preaching how evil it is. But beneath all that, there are significant concerns that shouldn't be overlooked. Like alcohol, for most people moderate use is not going to have a major impact but when it goes wrong it's not pretty and avoiding excesses like overuse and use during key brain development stages is important to safe consumption.

Australia's National Drug and Research Center have an easy to read article on it that, I believe, is pretty up to date:
ndarc.med.unsw.edu.au/blog/does-cannabis-cause-mental-illness

Why on earth do people think troll?!

When this happened with my ds, I confiscated the weed and involved the school who arranged some drug councelling for him

Op, would you like my address, i shall ah dispose of it for you....

A jar full would indicate to me he is selling it, probably to pay for his own supply x

Op do as the previous poster suggested, take the jar away (hide it well as he will likely search the house looking for it)...and watch his reaction, he can hardly say to you, mum I've lost a jar of weed, without admitting he has it and without admitting that he spent all his Christmas money on it....
Or more worryingly if he is being used by gangs to hold/transport/deal weed...then he might looked panicked and have to confess that to you..

So hide it...and when he eventually confesses after not finding it, you can then take it from there and deal with it, decide what rules you will have, you f you want him not to smoke weed then he should obey that , he is 15 and you are his parent and he is still in your house...decide what punishment for breaking the no smoking weed rule is...whether it's not going to see friends/have friends over..confiscating phone/computer/video games...no tv...no wi-fi..etc

I'm 36, my parents would have literally killed me if they found what you found in your son's bedroom, they would never have allowed social smoking of weed either, they were 100% anti illegal drug and I grew up fine (didn't take any illegal drugs at all)...be firm once you decide what you are going to do because he soon going to be at an age where he will be able to leave home and smoke weed and you won't be able to do anything about it,

It’s weed, it’s not the end of the world. Also without knowing the measurements of the jar it’s hard to say how much there is. I’d be more inclined to worry if you’d found scales and the weed divided up into individual money bags. As you haven’t it’s probably just his. Just discuss it with him

Where I live teenagers are smoking weed in epidemic proportions and it is doing them no good at all. It is a massive problem for parents and teachers and of course the kids themselves who are basically pissing away their futures.

OP - bin the drugs somewhere he can't find them then search his room. If he left that out in the open, see what else he has got hidden, if anything. If he has scales, a second phone, other paraphernalia such as baggies, then he's dealing. Go through his computer history.

Get him home and ground him. Take his bank card away. Go through his phone to see how bad the problem is.

Remember you are the adult.

What is his school like - do they offer any form of support?

Remove the jar and see if you can get him some drug counseling.

@Meganc559 you poor deluded fool.
weed is a vile drug. It turns many people into paranoid messes. It causes memory problems and stinks!!! It's far from harmless.

I’m sorry you had such crap responses to begin with- and lovingbenidorm, what a twat.

I’ve been through similar, fortunately I had people in rl to help because mn doesn’t do help anymore.

I’d Take it away, firstly, then wait for him to mention it - he probably won’t. So then you need to talk about it.

I did the old- you can do what you like when your 18 andout ofmyhouse, but while you’re at home etcetc.

But try to find out if he’s using to mask mental health problems or other issues too. If so contactcahms or pay for counselling if that’s possible. Try and work out what he’s getting from it.

Look up teen/drug org online. I did involve the school - they didn’t do much afaik- but I hope they kept an extra eye out.

Good luck op.