Found DS (15) Weed/Cannabis huge stash

[CallMeRachel]

I've researched topics on this here but not many replies on teenagers or addictions sections so posting here for broader advice and opinions.

I have been aware for a while that my 15 year old son occasionally smokes weed with his friends. I have always told him that I don't approve and that I believe it can be triggering to mental health issues and to never bring it into our home.

Recently he's been smelling strongly of weed on a daily basis.

He got a fairly large amount of money for Christmas this year from us as well other family members.
This money was given as he asked for money to buy clothes in the sales.
He doesn't have any income from a part time job or anything.

I've gone into his room tonight while he's out and sitting on his bedside unit in full view is a Kilner jar 3/4 full of weed.

I feel completely out of my depth with this and how I should deal with it. It seems that cannabis is so widely used/accepted now that I'm unsure how big a deal this actually is.
I've never been a cannabis smoker and disapprove of it as I do believe it can be harmful to mental health as well as be a gateway drug.

Honestly, wibu to take the whole jar and hide or dispose of it?

Should I ask the police or school for help? Will they help or will they be only interested in getting a case against him?
I don't want my house searched and my child arrested and future prospects ruined for what could be a stupid phase.

The amount that's there is making me worried he's started dealing, there's no way that's just personal use?

Can anyone tell me what that amount of weed would cost?

He's out overnight at a friends just now and I can't sleep for worrying how I should approach this. It's all very well saying report him to the police, get him arrested etc but that's not going to help either him or us in the long run.

I need to handle this carefully but don't want to be a passive parent, nor a OTT one that goes overboard and makes matters worse.

AIBU in being absolutely clueless on how to deal with this and to be asking on here for help and advice?

What are his friends like, OP?

When my son was in his teens I noticed a different crowd of boys were coming round - his usual friends were boys he'd been friends with since he was little, and they were coming round less and less. When I went into his room (attic room) it absolutely stank of weed. I found home made bongs etc. I sent him a text to say that if I saw any of his new friends in our house again I would call the police. (Where we live, the police would definitely act on this.) I told him I was telling all of his old friends' parents about it, too, to warn them.

I didn't have any more problems. My son cried and said he knew things had been getting out of control and he hadn't known how to stop people coming round.

By dealing, your son is going to end up mixing with people you really, really don't want him to mix with. Surely he can see that?

I would definitely take the weed away. I would tell his friends' parents. There will be a backlash in terms of his anger and I hope you have some support in the house.

I don’t understand why anyone would think the OP is a troll. Her messages sound completely genuine and concerned for her son.

Weed and other drugs are a massive problem for a lot of teens and their families and it’s incredibly difficult to navigate if your teen thinks it’s harmless and you’re over reacting. As for posters who think you can ground a 15 year old .... have you ever actually tried to?

She said that most local cannabis was synthetic and often laced with heroin

Well that's bollocks. Who would waste heroin like that? Dealers want to make money. You don't make money selling heroin laced weed to teenagers.

Op, you've had some good advice and I'm glad you're not thinking police any more.

The majority of people who experience any lasting negative impact to their lives from drug use are the ones that get nicked for it so really please don't involve the police.

If he's buying weed like I buy a 10cm jar would hold about 40-70 quids worth. Most weed I find these days is locally grown and not at all compressed, 7g looks like a massive amount compared to old days of imported weed. It sounds like a personal amount to me

Statements like this:

"It is a horrible dangerous drug that totally robs the user of ambition. "

So general that they are meaningless. Make me cross. Of course it doesn't rob people of ambition. Some maybe.

Plenty of people at Uni took it, still wrote great dissertations, get firsts, and go on to have very high paying successful careers.

Sorry to hear this OP.

My DS at 14 shared some weed with others one evening. He overdid it and suffered with PTSD afterwards.

He wouldn't go outside, his vision was affected, he spent all last summer holidays indoors playing scrabble with me, or staying in bed.

The police were involved because he was first taken ill at school, but the school wanted as little involvement as possible. He wasn't charged or anything, but the 15 year old who sold it to him was.

He is now over it thankfully but I just wanted you to be aware of how devastating it can be. I'd always thought of it as a safe drug, but it can be very debilitating. Also, even if he's just selling it to friends he could be in big trouble.

As you say, keep the lines of communication open with him, don't get angry but try to make him see it can be dangerous and that you will do all you can to support him.

Best of luck, it's a horrible position to be in

My DSS started smoking weed at 15, he is now 19 and is totally addicted. From the age of 16 we never gave him money for birthdays, Xmas or an allowance as it all went on weed. If we ever found his stash we disposed of it. He had to leave his backpack and coat in the garage otherwise the house stunk of weed.

We took him to drug counsellors via school and he went, listened and participated but still smoked as and when he could. Once he got a part time job all his money went on weed. His job didn’t last long.

He is now a mess. We think he has mental health problems and are trying to get him to access help.

I would do all you can to stop him from being involved with heavy weed smokers. Good luck.

So general that they are meaningless. Make me cross. Of course it doesn't rob people of ambition. Some maybe

It's a great excuse for lazy people

My DS has s father who had addiction problems, a grandmother who was a schizophrenic, and a grandfather (other side) who is bipolar. So, he is already in the zone for problems sadly. We don’t know whether weed causes problems or whether those people more unstable mentally are more likely to go for weed. But one way or the other it is not a good habit, especially mixed in with the illegality. I just would like my DS to understand this; but as his default is defiance then it is not an easy message to transmit.

Easy, True. Maybe they were just lazy. Before. And needed an excuse?

I hope it goes well with your son. I also (from the amount you are describing) am inclined to think he is possibly selling it to friends small scale. I would stop all money going to him and really batten down the hatches with his employment money so he needs to account for it all. In my experience (you are welcome to pm me) if you make it impossible life wise he may be inclined to stop or he will completely rebel at which point there is more going on that you know about. I would also be looking at his friend circle as he is clearly mixing with those who do it. It's a hard one but one that long term has huge side effects. Good luck.

Squeegle - some teens "self medicate" with weed. So maybe the best thing is to get some mental health help first. If they find other ways of dealing with their problems it will be much much better than using Weed (or any other drug such as alcohol).

@Squeegle I hear you

It's really tough isn't it. Like walking on eggshells

Ultimately I believe that all children need unconditional love and support regardless of their poor choices. It's just a fine line between support and passive permission I'm struggling with.

@doodleygirl I'm sorry to hear about your SS. Your scenario is exactly what I can envisage happening with my son. I hope you can all find a way through it. The hard part in it all is having to function at work and day to day life whilst dealing with all that.

@JeremyCorbynsBeard Oh my goodness, that reaction sounds absolutely awful and I'd imagine would have been utterly terrifying for you all. I'm glad your ds is on the mend now.

keep him on side and keep the lines of communication open if you go scorched earth he will just hate you and do things to defy you

Cannabis relaxes you makes you feel a bit weird in a nice way, feel differently about things think differently about things, it's just escapism.
It's not strongly addictive for most people in the way that say opiates are, it doesn't tend to be associated with chaotic and dysfunctional lifestyles in the way that very powerful drugs are.
obviously if someone feels the need to escape from their life's a lot of the time then there may be problems that could do with looking at.

I speak as a longterm and regular cannabis user, I would suggest vaporizing rather than smoking and limiting your consumption.
Anyone who talks about skunk and synthetic cannabis being laced with heroin etc is just parroting scaremongering that they've picked up

Many of us may have smoked weed at a party now and then when we were young

The issues now are the different strengths the much easier acces and that is is smoked far more openly

There is growing evidence that wasn't much looked at before of cannibis use and brain development and mental health issues

Working in mh with young adults we are seeing there impact and weed is the biggest problem by far not alcohol/cocaine/crack its changed in the last 10 years and when you talk to those who have suffered most will have been smoking weed regularly from young teenage years

Be supportive and get outside help to support you

Take it and hide or dispose of it. Tell him you had some friends round and unfortunately his stash was destroyed in a series of small fires.

I agree that he has probably bought an ounce or two and intends to sell it on in small amounts to his friends to make a profit

I have had sporadic findings if drugs around my teen.

OP, I would come down very firmly on this and have a very serious talk and impose serious consequences.

1. He lied about wanting to buy clothes specifically so that he could buy all this weed
2. He is prioritising weed over anything else in his life, to be spending so much money on it
3. He is presumably in a GCSE year and needs his brain cells and clear headed time for learning and revising.

I wouldn’t go mad and scream, but I would say I am not prepared to see him this his future like this. Tell him how badly he has put you at risk. Tell him how in the end drug money ends up in the hands of people who commit horrible crimes, it fuels gang stabbings, trafficking of women, and dies he really want to support that economy?

Confiscate the jar, tell him if there is any further nonsense you will go to the police and with that amount he will be in serious trouble. Curfew: in by 11 o’clock, no overnight stays. Phone given to you when he goes to bed. ‘ find my phone ‘ on his phone so you can see where he is.

Tell him you will consider relaxing these sanctions depending on his exam results, his attitude to observing them, or whatever is your own important benchmark.

Is there something you could put on it to make it taste foul and put him off? Olbas oil? Pepper?

Unfortunately we both have MH issues within both sides of the family, including one relative with Schizophrenia so I do think DS is higher risk than most of suffering some type of MH issue.

This is what would worry me more than anything else tbh. As a teenager I smoked weed occasionally, all my friends did and it was just a bit of fun, like getting drunk on a Friday night. But whereas most of us grew out of it or continued with it being just an occasional thing, one friend became addicted (I know it's not physically addictive technically, but what else do you call it when someone smokes all day every day and can't stop despite trying many times?) . There was a long family history of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, depression and suicide and I believe this predisposed him to develop mental health issues which the weed exacerbated a great deal. Sadly, despite several long term psychiatric stays, my friend took his own life aged 20. I viewed weed as harmless until I saw how it can affect mental health if used to excess.

Sorry, OP. I'm not trying to panic you! Just keep an eye on his mental health as self medicating is a big issue with many teenagers, whatever substance they use to do it.

OP, I'm glad the thread stayed up. I think there is some good advice here, but as others have said, the important thing is how to handle the situation as a parent. Whatever people may think about drugs like weed, the fact is self medicating, especially on a young brain, is not good.

FWIW I have been going through something similar for months, and am very definitely not out of the other side. It is one step forwards and two back.

There is a fine balance to be had of stressing the pitfalls of what he is doing, (effects on his MH, illegality, etc) Vs going so hard that you end up making him feel he can't come home.

Counselling can be good especially if you can afford it, but I think it can be a lottery to find the right fit. CAMHS etc are also very much a lottery depending on where you live. But IME I wouldn't hold out too much hope for them to help much (usually huge waiting lists, and under resourced).

Id smash the jar on the floor in his room then vac it up. "DS there was a smashed jar of tea leaves in your room so ive vacuumed it up. Please let me know what type of tea it was so I can get some more, you are obvipusly a big fan of it. My first thought was that it was weed but of course you agreed not to bring any into the house tinkly laugh "

Is there something you could put on it to make it taste foul and put him off? Olbas oil? Pepper?

Don't be so fucking stupid you'd seriously damage your lungs not knowing smoking it with Olbas oil on it. You don't need to sprinkle a deterrent on it like a cat. You speak to him like a human.

@Roomba I'm sorry about what happened to your friend. This too is one of my major concerns.

I think we really need to push to get his anxiety and anger issues treated. The school have offered he speak to a counsellor but he has vehemently refused so far.

I've weighed the contents of the jar and it's 27g, so he's possibly bought an ounce which according to various google prices cost between £180-£300. He is either stocking up for his own use or is selling to his friends as a mini dealer.

This makes me worry for the impact on the friends as well as any repercussions on us if their parents find out and hit the roof (perfectly justified).

Thank you so much for all the supportive posts and advice. It's been like stumbling around in the darkness until now.

We found counsellors via his college rather than through his GP. We found the service very good, might be worth a google to see what drug services are available in your area.