Found DS (15) Weed/Cannabis huge stash

[CallMeRachel]

I've researched topics on this here but not many replies on teenagers or addictions sections so posting here for broader advice and opinions.

I have been aware for a while that my 15 year old son occasionally smokes weed with his friends. I have always told him that I don't approve and that I believe it can be triggering to mental health issues and to never bring it into our home.

Recently he's been smelling strongly of weed on a daily basis.

He got a fairly large amount of money for Christmas this year from us as well other family members.
This money was given as he asked for money to buy clothes in the sales.
He doesn't have any income from a part time job or anything.

I've gone into his room tonight while he's out and sitting on his bedside unit in full view is a Kilner jar 3/4 full of weed.

I feel completely out of my depth with this and how I should deal with it. It seems that cannabis is so widely used/accepted now that I'm unsure how big a deal this actually is.
I've never been a cannabis smoker and disapprove of it as I do believe it can be harmful to mental health as well as be a gateway drug.

Honestly, wibu to take the whole jar and hide or dispose of it?

Should I ask the police or school for help? Will they help or will they be only interested in getting a case against him?
I don't want my house searched and my child arrested and future prospects ruined for what could be a stupid phase.

The amount that's there is making me worried he's started dealing, there's no way that's just personal use?

Can anyone tell me what that amount of weed would cost?

He's out overnight at a friends just now and I can't sleep for worrying how I should approach this. It's all very well saying report him to the police, get him arrested etc but that's not going to help either him or us in the long run.

I need to handle this carefully but don't want to be a passive parent, nor a OTT one that goes overboard and makes matters worse.

AIBU in being absolutely clueless on how to deal with this and to be asking on here for help and advice?

Lovingbenidorm also apologised ‘unreservedly’ I think was her word if she had been wrong. Op seems content indeed eager for thread to stay up.

We don't want to pull any support and advice - so point completely taken, and we'll leave the thread to stand.

Feel free to dm if you need, op.

Sophie thank you. Your job is not always easy !

HeronLanyon Well let’s see if she does.

Kicking someone when they’re down - not oncebut 10 times- is fucking shit.

Yes.

Thanks @SophieLMumsnet but I'd like you to follow your own policy on troll hunters rather than take the easy option of going straight to delete an entire thread.

Although @Lovingbenidorm said she'd apologise unreservedly she then went on to post another troll hunting post afterwards.

What action is taken against people like that who are destructive on threads seeking support?

As I've said, I'm genuine and have no qualms in being verified by mnhq.

MNHQ. Please don't take the thread down

Fairylea- I wish it was that simple for all of us. When I found something else in DD's room, and confronted her (calmly), she didn't come home for 4 days.

If I went batshit crazy as you suggest, it would probably have been longer than 4 days.

Trust me, those of us dealing with this are not 'calm'. Myself, I have never been so anxious and I am trying to deal with it all in a way that I won't lose my dd.

Your dc are anti drugs etc. Great. Good for them. Some aren't, despite their parents being so.

I'd bin the lot. When he's an adult and has his own home and income, then it's his decision what he does. But he's a child and he lives in your house so he needs to follow your rules.

I can't believe some of the silly replies making out it's nothing.
Weed has totally destroyed my son and it was indeed a gateway to harder stuff. He's a paranoid shadow of the person he should've been.

Op you need to go in hard with him, as someone suggested go through his phone, laptop, everything. Speak to the school so they're aware. I hope you get the help you need because I'd hate another parent to end up with the mess my son is now in.

I also find this thread helpful, as I have a son about to turn 15. Just wanted to thank Boom boom for posting the Australian article on mental health disorders and cannabis - really rational and helpful.

I also wanted to say to Meganc and others saying that weed is harmless that perhaps you might want to read it. My son has a father (now dead by suicide) and an aunt with a history of schizophrenia. It is plain wrong to say that you would know by 15 whether someone will develop a psychotic disorder, neither of them had symptoms until their early 20s. I have had to say to ds that he has a much higher risk than most of developing schizophrenia, and it would be extremely risky to experiment with drugs. People normalizing cannabis use make it more likely that he will try it. Smoke it as much as you like but stop saying it's harmless because it fucking isn't.

I don’t wish to be rude; but I honestly think that the only comments that are valuable are from people who have encountered this.
For all of us in this situation, the way we think we would act is often different from what we actually have to do. Our teens don’t do what they’re supposed to!

I’d love to hear from anyone who has navigated through this with their teen and found some elements of success.

Totally agree Squeegle

Thank you for all the supportive posts @Helmetbymidnight

NHS worker here. I was talking about teenagers and weed to a senior community drugs worker recently. She said that most local cannabis was synthetic and often laced with heroin. I think this partially explains the ‘it's harmless’ brigade, who are thinking back to their won youth when we all smoked very weak grass (made from plants...) and the people who have recent, direct experience of how smoking it can wreck young lives.

For the person saying weed is harmless - give yourself a shake.
I have only heard this said in real life by deluded weed users.

It is a horrible dangerous drug that totally robs the user of ambition.

Op did you remove the jar ? Has your son noticed ?

HeronLanyon Sorry for your loss. Christmas time makes it so much harder.

OP, cannabis is a dangerous drug. I'd take away the jar and get your son to educate himself. At the very least he's contributing to immoral drug dealers. And he could be doing terrible damage to his brain and body.

I once thought it was harmless too.

If you have a local community drug service they may well have a young people's project. I work in our service and in my experience the young people's and family services work very effectively in partnership with schools.

She said that most local cannabis was synthetic and often laced with heroin

She's honestly talking out her arse

Threads like this always descend into polarised anecdotal bunfights, with people assuming their personal opinion/experience trumps everyone else’s.

People are all very different. What’s harmful to some isn’t hArmful to others, for myriad reasons, not least pre existing health conditions, family circumstances, life experience , social/economic circumstances and the exact drug consumed ( which certainly isn’t always obvious) .

You’re best getting advice from
FRANK who can direct you to a local experienced drug agency.

Try not to panic. But also try not to under react. Be firm, be calm, be honest. Teenagers are gits, but remember to love him too. Good luck.

It's not 'harmless' but as Prof Nutt's study showed, it's significantly less harmful than alcohol and tobacco are, on an individual and societal level.

That said, I wouldn't be keen on my 15 year old spending all their money on it either, there's a difference between smoking occasionally with friends which I wouldn't have a problem with, and smoking all day every day which I certainly would.

I would take the jar away and hide it, and wait to see what he says and try and have a rational conversation about it. It would probably be 'sampled' at some point by DP and I too, just out of curiosity.

I'm glad the thread hasn't been taken down. Interesting points and information.

I don't accept the blatant statements as fact. of 'it damages the brain. And causes MH'. It CAN do. Not a fact, not a given.

Some studies suggest highly it does, some are more vague.

Can in some. Not in others. I know plenty of people to whom it has and plenty of people to whom it hasn't.

Maybe some have the propensity to that anyway? Or would have had MH problems anyway? Or would have gone on to have other addiction problems, self control problems, bulimia etc?

Don't contact the police. Deal with it yourself first. Or at least try. My cousins son was caught, now has a police record. Has stopped him doing many things already. And for him it was a very minor phase that now has long term effects.

But this certainly needs addressing. Needs kerbing straight away.

You've had good advice.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/talking-about-drugs-with-your-child/

@Fishlegs that's absolutely terrifying and is really shocking and concerning isn't it? Heroin is such a horrendous drug.

He's not home yet, tracked him and he's still at his friends house.

DH and I have the jar and bag of paraphernalia and are formulating a plan on how we tackle this today.

I'm really glad this thread has turned around and I'm seeing positive replies and advice for myself and others like @pasanda and @Squeegle and others who I've probably failed to mention (lack of sleep here) Those who are going through similar, I wish we knew you all in RL, support for each other in things like this would be so good.

Unfortunately we both have MH issues within both sides of the family, including one relative with Schizophrenia so I do think DS is higher risk than most of suffering some type of MH issue.

easyandy101 shes 100% talking out of her arse, what a load of shit.