to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

[Knitwit101]

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

MirriVan

You are slightly stating the obvious there, if you’ll forgive me for saying so

Nothing I posted - or that anyone else has posted - is suggesting that being a disinterested shit parent is ok
So yes, we should all go out best.
My point is our best is not some saintly, perfect martyr but just a woman doing all she reasonably can

Jesus Mirri, did it take you long to come up with that sanctimonious shit??

Isn't that what most of us are doing, turning ourselves inside out to be the best mums we can be??

I think this is a lesson those kids will remember. Ergo, good parenting.

She did deal with it. And you did come over martyrish, so there's no point in trying to backtrack.

Good for you OP. Only way children will learn.

Ok - you’re just making stuff up now Mirri

I love my family. I adore my kids. I’m not a martyr
I also don’t sit on the internet sanctimoniously pretending that any woman who doesn’t devote every moment in service of their children is failing somehow

To be honest I think that’s a shit thing to model to kids ‘I chose to have you so I will suppress my every need and emotion in service of your upbringing’
I never wanted my mum to be an automaton servicing my every need. I like her too much

Yeah. That’s a total straw man

You can just tell the folk who have read all the right books on childcare. (rolls eyes)

If we do not teach our children about what is unacceptable behaviour who will??

Lovely to see pagwatch around again.
Hiya paggy waves
Sorry to derail OP.I think that you did amazingly.I'd like to nick that strategy and use it when DGC's start their nonsense.
Oddly we never had any of this when their parents (our adult DC's) were young.In those days the 'death stare' worked perfectly well but the DGC's just find it amusing.

YANBU at all. You explained calmly what you were doing and why. I think it's fine (probably necessary, actually) for kids to see that parents are people too and they can be upset/angered by certain behaviours.

Bar the little sulk your eldest is in, it sounds as though they have appreciated why you did it and taken some responsibility.

A gentle, but good, lesson learned for them, I think.

And I WANT a slice of Costa chocolate cake now

Walking away instead of losing your shit is a good idea in this situation op and I hope you are enjoying your wine and chocolate. It is also good that you followed up with a talk to your children and your dh got an opportunity to chill out at the pub. It is important that you are in sync and support each other. Your children will realise their responsibility and future lunches out need to be conditional on their behaviour being appropriate.

It would not have been a successful strategy for me as I have 3 rather anxious children, two have been diagnosed as autistic. So if I walked out during lunch out it would cause a scene, children crying hysterically and dh left in the shite. They are 10, 12 and 14 and generally behave well if they are at a familiar restaurant and are not overwhelmed or stressed. So I have not felt the urge to walk out recently though I sympathise with it, my kids don't tend to argue with each other excessively fortunately for us they get on. But I have to manage poor behaviour calmly and consistently to be successful. This is hard work so we tend to limit trips out so the kids don't get stressed and peopled out. Means our Christmas is very quiet and calm.

It is not always possible to be a perfect parent as that would require perfect children and it is all subjective anyway. If you have been pushed to the edge of your tolerance then being able to take time out to regroup is healthy. My mum used to get so angry sometimes she would lose control, shout, cry and occasionally hit she should have walked away instead.

Being a perfect self-sacrificing parent does children no favours, doesn't prepare them for going out into the big bad world. Nobody else takes their opinion as gospel, hangs on their every word, talks them around from sulks etc.. The children of perfect parents are a pain in the arse to everyone else.

I’ve sent DH off leaving me with the kids. DH and myself have also just left for a break once a year. Its our way of supporting each other

I walked out of McDonald's once just as I was trying to tap the order in, the kids were fighting probably aged 15 and 10. Just turned round walked out and went back to my car. They came running out after me pleading but I just told them to get in the car. Now if they start arguing l just say if this continues I will walk out and they know I will as I have form !

You DH? Hardly fair

Well done OP. I hope the eldest apologised eventually?

I think a sharp shock often works, OP. Perhaps they’ll think twice next time you remind them!

DH once walked out of the cinema because the DCs were arguing about where to sit. It shocked them into silence. I didn’t blame him- just wished I’d thought of it first.

A few weeks ago, I came home after a long day and was met with, “What are we having for tea?”

There were two teenagers and a grown man here all day, so I told them I had no idea, walked back out and went for a bowl of soup and a large glass of wine at the bistro down the street.

It was at least half an hour before anyone noticed I’d gone

Order yourself a Gingerbread Hot choc. Take a deep breath and go back when you feel calmer. Next time as soon as they start playing up call the treat off. Even if you're just getting in the car, it will make them behave in future. I'd have done the same as you if I'd been in your shoes.

Good on you . I left home for a few days only to my mum and dads . Left 1 hubby and 3 teenage girls . If I had the cash and time off I would of buggered off for a lot longer 😁 Fast forward 2 yrs on nothings changed 😉 Seriously dont beat yourself up . Love my kids the world but by god they and hubby drive me nuts sometimes ! Think its inbuilt in mums to deal and put up with everything. Men seem to have that zone out button tried mine guilt over took me . We wear many hats sometimes its good to lose a few 😘

so they kept on acting up and get rewarded with a pizza should have taken them home and straight to bed

I totally get it too. I really do. But there would be no way I’d leave my poor husband to deal with that shit and I would be furious if he walked out on me.I would have very calmly told them all to put their coats on, taken them all home and given them cheese on toast while ordering a pizza for us. Seriously I think it would have more impact.

YANBU OP, and hopefully they learned something from it. Hope you enjoyed your wine, and DH enjoyed his evening out too.