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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

249 replies

Knitwit101 · 28/12/2018 18:14

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

OP posts:
Theresahairbrushinthefridge · 28/12/2018 18:29

We turned round in the car on the way to pizza express the other day. Went home and put the kids 12,9 and 5 - to bed with toast instead. I would have called it in the car.

villageshop · 28/12/2018 18:29

It's not a bad thing for them to see their bad behaviour has consequences. I think they're old enough to develop some empathy and respect for your feelings.

Skatersbeskating · 28/12/2018 18:31

Dont feel guilty.

You need space. They might learn a bit.

My DD does it every day Hmm Drives me mad.

Flowers
Dimsumlosesum · 28/12/2018 18:31

I've picked mine up like a rugby ball before/frog marched him off outside. The stress of dealing with three, and in public too, has manifested into itchy skin welts and hives. You handled it really well.

regmover · 28/12/2018 18:31

At their age they are old enough to realise that behaving badly can have consequences for others. Don't feel bad about them being upset. Maybe they will think twice next time.

Chapterandverse · 28/12/2018 18:33

I'm 40 now and I remember my mum putting on her coat and telling us she had had enough.

She walked down the path and locked the gate behind her.

I remember my brother running behind her, promising her we'd be good.

My father was an alcoholic and hadn't been home for days as he was on a bender. She had just snapped. But we never forgot it!

LokiBear · 28/12/2018 18:34

The little ine is crying because that is the only way she knows to show emotion. She will need a hug when she says sorry. The older two know better than to push and continue to argue. Hopefully your walk out will encourage them to reflect and improve.

mbosnz · 28/12/2018 18:35

They'll remember this, and it won't do them any harm.

My children remember the case of the flying fruit bowl. (I thought they'd all left for work and school, and in frustration threw a fruitbowl like a frizzbee out the back door - unfortunately they'd come back for something, lol).

We laugh about it now, but also, it made it very clear to everyone that everyone has a point beyond which they cannot be pushed. (In my defence I was living in an ongoing natural disaster/national emergency zone at the time - it was a bit fraught. . .)

If you let your partner know that you're going to ensure he gets his time to get away/let off steam, I'm sure he'll be thinking it's best that you took yourself out of the situation if you really couldn't healthily manage your response to their behaviour at that point - and then maybe you guys need to find a way to get a babysitter so you can get away and (bitch) debrief about your darling children and families in peace. . .

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/12/2018 18:35

I went to work today
I love my DC but the short days , sugar , electronics etc Angry

It’s a really hard holiday

JennyHolzersGhost · 28/12/2018 18:36

The key question is, how does your H react to this ? Does he back you up, or undermine you ? If he’s reinforcing your messages then good for him, you’re working as a team.

LadyGodivaRidesAgain · 28/12/2018 18:36

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KingBobra · 28/12/2018 18:37

I don't think you did the right thing, and I think you should feel guilty.

You're an adult. You can feel that your kids are winding you up so either a) tell DH you need a break, he can take them on his own or b) don't take them out. You're in charge of your own actions, don't flounce out like a bloody drama llama. Own your behaviour. Yes, your kids play up but honestly, you need to act like a grown up. My mother did stuff like this and as a parent now, I can tell when I',m getting wound up and take steps to control my own response to that. Essentially it's anger management. Don't let your emotions escalate to the point where you're stropping off.

BeekyChitch · 28/12/2018 18:38

Don't feel guilty! Sounds like it worked! Plus you'll all be laughing about it in years to come.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2018 18:38

Eat a ton of chocolate OP and at least two coffees.
But seriously I have never understood why people leave their own homes at xmas, it's a recipe for disaster, the kids hate it and so do the adults.

KingBobra · 28/12/2018 18:38

You mind fight this helpful - When Kids Push Your Buttons

AlpacaLypse · 28/12/2018 18:39

Mine haven't been bratty (and DP hasn't failed to consult me about choice of destination) since I stood up and walked away from the whole boiling lot of them during a holiday a few years ago. You've done the right thing OP.

Santaissleepingoffmincepies · 28/12/2018 18:39

I hope you have decided on suitable consequences for when you get home.
My dc would be requested to refund me /dh the cost of the pizza - they need to know it was a treat and you have retracted it.
No tech, fun items - they had the chance for a fun treat out.
Early night for each of them.
You and dh deserve a dc free evening.

LadyGodivaRidesAgain · 28/12/2018 18:39

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jessstan2 · 28/12/2018 18:39
Flowers Many of us have been there! Soon be over. x
GreyGardens88 · 28/12/2018 18:40

You did the right thing showing them their actions have consequences. Some parents just don't seem to care Flowers

Tartsamazeballs · 28/12/2018 18:40

I think getting up calmly, walking out and leaving the kids with a responsible adult is fine.

Probably best buy DH a bar of chocolate and give him a big hug and thanks for picking up the slack. That's what me and my husband do when we see the other is at their wits end.

Feeling bad because they hurt mum's feelings is a good thing. They're children learning empathy and boundaries and apologies and forgiveness. Better they learn now on someone who loves them unconditionally and will forgive them than fail to improve their behaviour and piss off someone in their future who won't forgive them.

theredjellybean · 28/12/2018 18:40

i think you acted very calmly
and you DH sounds quite sensible , he has let the kids eat quietyl and little one cry with not much attention or sympathy given.
i do not agree that you should be hugging them and cuddling up to them on the sofa when you all get home..i'd be pretty short shrift about it ..when we get home you are all going to bed and daddy and i are going to have some adult time with out bickering badly behaved children.
just being left to eat their pizza with their dad is not enough in my opinion for persistent bad behaviour all day

AWishForWingsThatWork · 28/12/2018 18:41

Ignore the critics.

You're human. Your children aren't babies and toddlers, they're all well old enough to be accountable for their shitty choices when it comes to constant squabbling, arguing and carrying over over nothing.

Sometimes they actually need to see how their behaviour affects others. They need to see how awful it is for you. And they should feel bad about it. They should be upset -- with themselves!

Hopefully they'll all apologise for their behaviour and try harder.

MrsZola · 28/12/2018 18:41

I remember my mum doing something similar - think she drove to the beach, smoked at least a pack of cigarettes and then came home. We were suitably quiet and thoughtful when she returned. We grew up and aren't remotely scarred by it - as other P's have said, we realised that everyone (even mum) has a limit.

Original poster
Knitwit101 · 28/12/2018 18:42

Don't feel guilty for ONE SECOND

I felt guilty for about 10 seconds, now I am enjoying a massive coffee and a slice of chocolate cake which has probably got more calories in it than my entire pizza would have had.

Dh is fine, he's got beer. I'm going to drive home. We will still all be friends tomorrow. The kids will not be traumatised, they are too bloody self-centred for that.

OP posts: