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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

249 replies

Knitwit101 · 28/12/2018 18:14

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 28/12/2018 22:29

I don't think it was "walking out on them" or being passive aggressive. It was demonstrating that she is a human being who has the right to remove herself from a highly stressful situation. And that she is not a doormat who will just slap a smile on her face and pretend anything is tolerable.

savagebaggagemaster · 28/12/2018 22:54

The op avoided a scene by leaving the restaurant. She did the right thing and as it turns out, the children also calmed down and stopped causing a fuss. A good result all round really.

MrsChollySawcutt · 28/12/2018 23:34

OP did not avoid a scene, she created one. Flouncing out and leaving her youngest DS crying is causing a scene in my book. I agree its demonstrating passive aggressive behaviour. Reap what you sow and all that.

justilou1 · 29/12/2018 00:03

Don't feel guilty... You're a freaking GENIUS! You just taught them a lesson. Actions actually have consequences. AND that you are a totally separate person from them with FEELINGS!!! WELL DONE!!!

AngelaSchrute · 29/12/2018 00:30

It is not passive aggressive to remove yourself from a situation where others are causing you upset. The children weren't abandoned they were left with their father who I am sure had a stern word.

This is clearly not a regular occurrence.

Hopefully what the OP will reap from this is children who understand that if they are deliberately choosing to behave in a way that affects others in a negative way there will be consequences.

Also that they are allowed to remove themselves from those situations in the future too.

HirooOnoda · 29/12/2018 01:31

Yet if it was DH who walked out leaving OP with the kids in a restaurant we would all be having an entirely different conversation. I can almost touch the wave of LTB’s that would rain down upon us Grin

7salmonswimming · 29/12/2018 01:53

Very off of the oldest to complain that YOU had ruined dinner. I’d be onto that behaviour straightaway, not leaving him to stew. He doesn’t get to blame you for his actions. Give it another 20 years and he’ll be the subject of a thread in Relationships....

As for walking out, it’s a non-point imo. No adult should have to have so much patience, no child should be indulged to that extent. You did what needed to be done. Tomorrow is another day.

itwaseverthus · 29/12/2018 02:16

You did right, didn't leave them with a pole dancer or drag artist but their dad. Case closed. Have a lovely peaceful evening.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2018 02:57

This wood be poor as a regular occurrence. Not as a one off though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2018 03:34

Just come back to the thread. This wood be poor. 🤪🤣
My iPad is dicking around. What an auto correct!

nottakingthisanymore · 29/12/2018 06:14

I think you did the right thing. Your dc are old enough to understand why you did this. I feel for you op.

dulcefarniente · 29/12/2018 08:27

If they were playing up on the way to Pizza Express why did you go in? Why did you not just go home or get a takeaway? If they were playing up enough to make you snap it can't have been a great evening for the people sitting near you either.

Juells · 29/12/2018 09:26

So many feckin' martyrs on this thread. It does children good to know that parents' tolerance is not limitless.

llangennith · 29/12/2018 09:53

You did exactly the right thing OP. Your DC have learnt that parents do not have unlimited patience and tolerance and that there are consequences if they push parents over that limit. Hopefully at least two of your DC will take heed and behave properly (well, better anyway) next time. Sounds like you and DH are doing ok😊

zeldarama · 29/12/2018 10:51

Can not believe some of the comments.

Much better to take a break and leave rather than shout at them or have a melt down yourself.

TacoLover · 29/12/2018 11:16

Would you have been annoyed if your DH had been the one to walk out and leave you on your own with the three kids?

Tricycletops · 29/12/2018 11:17

I wonder if any of the cheerleaders on this thread had a mother who behaved like this? Because I did, and it achieves nothing except teaching the use of passive aggression to express anger. (My mother learned it from her own father who was a great one for stomping off to the shed.) It’s pretty funny that you’re complaining about the oldest stropping about in his room when he’s really just using gun the behaviour you’ve so helpfully modelled for him.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 29/12/2018 11:21

No, Tricycle, I had a mother who believed in starting huge shouting argument in public. I used to cringe and try to make myself invisible.

I would have preferred it simply she had removed herself from a similar situation.

Pagwatch · 29/12/2018 11:29

Oh for gods sake Tricycletops - drop the self indulgent drama down s notch
‘A mother who behaves like this’

The op calmly walked away once from s situation she was finding intolerable. She was so disconcerted by her own actions that she posted about it on here.

That is night and day from whatever pattern of behaviour you experienced and equating the two is bunkum

Pagwatch · 29/12/2018 11:33

Op
You did a perfectly reasonable thing given that you are just a human trying to do your best beset by tiredness and fractious kids.

You didn’t shout, scream or hurt anyone and doing something immensely out of character may change a pattern of behaviour before it gets too fixed.

Most of the people criticising you seem to be from the mould that mothers exist entirely to service their family. This is particularly true of those who think leaving children with the less wound up parent is bad.
Women’s work and all that

MirriVan · 29/12/2018 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reallybadidea · 29/12/2018 11:42

I remember my dad doing this a few times when I was about 10/11. One time we were driving along and he pulled the car over, got out and walked off, leaving us with my mum who was furious with us.

It was actually very traumatic. I genuinely wasn't sure whether he was ever going to come back, it utterly terrified me. I had nightmares for a year or two afterwards. Probably not helped by my mum threatening to put me into care because she was so sick of me (on a separate occasion).

I understand that people get to the end of their tether, but I will never do that to my children. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, but I wouldn't put my children through that.

AliceScarlett · 29/12/2018 11:44

I think you traumatised them unnecessarily. Next time give them a warning if you're going to do something so extreme.

BillyWilliamTheThird · 29/12/2018 11:46

To all those up thread saying that we'd be all LTB if a man did this, I personally think that's bollocks. I fervently wish that my DH had the emotional intelligence to do what OP did and walk away when he is feeling his control slip, instead of insisting on fighting it out to the bitter end at all of our expenses.

notapizzaeater · 29/12/2018 11:47

We all have a breaking point and it sometimes they need to know there actions affect others.

I did an emergency stop the other week and told my 16yr old ASD child to get out.... he had talked at me for an hour at this point. Refusing to listen to anyone's opinion other than his and I eventually snapped. He immediately realised that he'd gone too far.