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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

249 replies

Knitwit101 · 28/12/2018 18:14

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

OP posts:
birdiewoof · 28/12/2018 20:36

YANBU, my 12 and 10 year old can drive me crazy with their bickering sometimes

madeyemoodysmum · 28/12/2018 20:36

I e always thought The Christmas holidays are too long for kids. A week would be fine.

It’s cold so it’s harder to get out
Many outdoor activities are shut
We spend too much time indoors in each other’s company.

They are hyped up and spoilt
Over tired and diet messed up from too many sweets and rich foods.

It’s only now mine are secondary age I’m starting to enjoy the break more.

I like Christmas but it’s my worst school break.

chaplin1409 · 28/12/2018 20:37

I dont blame you. Sometimes its just too much. We were going out the other day and mine were all arguing so i git ready and sat in the car.

Grannyannex · 28/12/2018 20:40

Me and DH both do this but not together. We’ve always said it’s better to walk away and have a short breather. Our kids are very secure in being loved but know the limits.

Missingstreetlife · 28/12/2018 20:42

They are safe and fed. Won't do them any harm to realise you have limits. Start again tomorrow.,everyone is a bit fragile ATM. Too much food, people, change if routine

Livingthedream44 · 28/12/2018 20:45

I've felt like it plenty of times as a single mum of four, two of which have SEN. I couldn't do it though obviously being on my own.

Lavenderdays · 28/12/2018 20:46

I get where you are coming from madeye regarding the Christmas Hols but fortunately dh always takes a bit of leave plus the 3 bank holidays so for me I find it manageable. It is the long Summer Hols that I struggle with (I have one older and two relatively young children), trips out alone feel like an expedition now and we live semi-rurally as a sahm, and with no extended family, I am often home alone with them! We end up in the park a lot with a picnic. Sorry I digress. I think we have all felt like op at times. I think I have disappeared discretely at times (obviously with dh present), so I have done this but less overtly. Tiredness and sugar overload, does not help around Christmas either (not sure who I am talking about here me or dc).

Tabbytwitchet · 28/12/2018 20:48

I dont think that's unreasonble to show your kids how much they upset you, but in my opinion yabu to your husband by walking out and leaving him in what was clearly a really shit situation. My children are alot younger (toddlers) so maybe I can't really comprehend this sort of situation, as when ours are kicking off I try and remember it's because they're having a difficult time, not trying to be difficult, and if they were being too much in a public place, we'd just all leave. We had to do this when bowling the other week as youngest had an epic tantrum that wasn't ending after 20 mins, so we called it a day. I'd worry if I got up and left oh to deal with it, that would be completely unfair/passing the buck onto him. If we were having a tough time with the kids and he left me to deal with it, I'd be devastated! Obviously it's different with older kids, they know when they're taking the piss, and they know what is expected of them in public, so they were obviously being out of line, and obviously you had to react in some way. I'm assuming warnings were issued? We all have our limits and you were clearly pushed to yours so well done fo following through and teaching them a valuable lesson. I'd consider saying if they behave that way in public again, you'll all be leaving and going straight home, so one parent isn't left to pick up the pieces, and they understand that by acting up they ruin the family time for themselves as well as each other.

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 28/12/2018 20:48

OP - I think you did the right thing. It obviously shocked them. That is not a bad thing. And I think handling it in a calm and collected manner rather than shouting can be more shocking and effective. I am quite certain they will be better behaved tomorrow.

The only person you could possibly have been unfair to would have been your husband. He is obviously perfectly capable of handling the children and was probably grateful that your actions made them behave better. If he doesn’t have an issue with, nobody else should.

MinorProphet · 28/12/2018 20:49

I snapped at dinner (in our own house) and just bailed. Went upstairs and am refusing to speak to any of them. Under some stress and just sarky comment too many. I'm allowed to have feelings and I will figure things out eventually but for now I AM IN A MOOD!

Enko · 28/12/2018 20:51

@ShotsFired Its hard to say if it is better however one thing I DO know is my children have never doubted they were loved and cared for.
they roll their eyes when I say " love you" they are that certain of my love. I love that.
Nor have they ever felt like I would be silent with them for days on end.

Ive done other things wrong obviously but I think all parents do.

Lavenderdays · 28/12/2018 20:55

My dh would have been quite capable of managing this situation alone and bless him he would have forgiven me for it (we have different personalities which is sometimes a plus). Op's dh has headed for the pub, I think this is perfectly equitable!

DogMamma · 28/12/2018 21:00

Id it makes you feel any better I just told dh to fuck off, he said iabu because I wouldn't get him a drink and he is sick......So am I, both rotten with flu. He has slept all day and I've (slowly) been sorting out our dogs, dss (11) with his meals because he is too fucking lazy to heat something up in microwave and I quote "am neglecting him by saying he cam heat up some left overs" (he has now gone to DMIL) I've also had to wash the dishes after him too, as he was being a selfish arse today generally just acting up be a use we are ill. I am physically and emotionally drained and snapped big time th back to snoring his head off and I'm feeling guilty!

soupmaker · 28/12/2018 21:01

Knitwit I salute you. Well done. I've done a version of this with my two. It does the kids good to know that you are human being who has limits. It's improved the behaviour no end.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 28/12/2018 21:05

Knitwit I hope you told your DS1 that actually, he and his siblings had ruined the meal out, not you. Flowers

PoohBearsHole · 28/12/2018 21:06

So much better to walk away than to lash out! Good for you x

DesertSky · 28/12/2018 21:07

My sympathies OP. After the build up and excitement of Xmas, my 3 have driven me bonkers today and I can’t take another day all cooped up inside. Roll on school Grin

AhhhhThatsBass · 28/12/2018 21:10

Well done OP. Chocolate and wine? Like it.

WhiffOfBath · 28/12/2018 21:12

Oh, OP. I'd have walked out on mine on many, many occasions when they were younger (lovely individually, but foul collectively), had I known that XH would have been able to cope. He couldn't, so I didn't. On the good side, you knew your DH could deal with the DC. That's a massive bonus. You are right to show that you have your limits. Why shouldn't you?

AnnaNimmity · 28/12/2018 21:12

mine were once like this in a restaurant. They were awful. I cancelled the order and took them all home without dinner. They were very shocked.

(single parent so couldn't leave them alone unfortunately).

HirooOnoda · 28/12/2018 21:27

YABU - you shouldn’t ever walk out on your children

MadisonAvenue · 28/12/2018 21:34

I hope it's helped OP Flowers
I walked out just last week. It's the first time I've done it in 22 years of being a parent but I'd just had enough. It's been a fraught few months with the oldest graduating and coming home to live after being away at university for three years. Anyway, both (adult) kids were being shitty and at 11pm I put my coat on and walked out. I walked for around 5 miles, my husband and the dog eventually caught up with me and gave me a huge hug. Our oldest also came looking for me so what I did obviously caused him to feel either guilty or concerned.

BikeRunSki · 28/12/2018 21:34

I’ve been there.
You my every sympathy OP.
I walked out of a holiday cottage for a few hours once. Sometimes you just need to get away and make a point.

I remember DM not coming home once. DSis and I were 14 and 17. DM only went to DGM’s about an hour away, we were sensible girls, my goodness that overnight must have felt like a fortnight in the sun. I think of that often now I have my own children.

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 28/12/2018 22:14

Originallymeonly
Is your manchild ex h under the patio? Xmas Grin

wijjy · 28/12/2018 22:25

Yeah, you did the right thing. Teach them passive aggressiveness at a young age and you, them and their friends and partners will benefit from it for the rest of their lives.

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