to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

[Knitwit101]

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

Been there. Would like to say it gets easier with teens but it doesn't!

I think the majority would be on the side of a father who did the same thing in the same unaggressive manner.

Especially if the mother was as OK about it as OP's husband.

It's good to show your dc that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you have feelings too.

Maybe a man would be crucified for this. But as a pp said, it's women who do the lion's share of childcare and generally take on 100% of the mental load. Also some pps have criticised the OP.

Might be an opportunity to explain how you felt and why you felt it.
They are all old enough to understand that they pushed you over the edge and that your feelings are important too.

I'm in complete support of you OP but make sure your DH gets a similar bit of time to himself, I like your suggestion of him going to the pub or for a run.

I managed to sneak off today for some time away from everyone, I cried in my car and then went to McDonald's and ate it by the sea - it was great.

I think it's a really good thing to do. Our kids can think we are super human, like we don't have feelings.
It will be a wake up call and a lesson to them.
I will never forget my own mum bursting into tears one day ( when I was being particularly horrible about having to move house !).
It made me realise she was vulnerable too and I was definitely nicer as a result.
Hope you feel better now OP.

Part of learning empathy is understanding how your behaviour impacts others.

I have cut a visit short this week because of the incessant bickering of my older boys. They were very upset by it but they need to learn that they cannot inflict their petty shit on other people and expect others to still want to be in their company. It’s better they learn this now than once there’re adults.

I need to do this. Usually it's my dp that's the instigator of arguments or tormenting the kids under the pretence of "having a laugh" pur last trip put was a disaster and funnily enough we were is pizza express!

You did the right thing, I'm sure your actions resonated and when you sit down and talk to the DCs about it, they'll understand.

I drove myself to a family event once, leaving DCs and DH to drive when they were ready; they weren't ready on time when we needed to leave, and I was SO fed up of constantly reminding them to be ready, on time, to go. They were all a bit upset but I needed to make a stand, and once we discussed it, they understood. They're rarely late for stuff these days.

I work very flexi hours so am often around when ds comes home from school (secondary). Sometimes he can be such a toerag that I go for a walk, stop in a cafe and have a cup of tea and leave him to it. I find its better than beating him with a rolling pin.

I understand and sympathise why you did it but I don't think it was the right thing to do. Causing a scene never is.

As others have said, quietly leaving as a family with no pizza for anyone would have been better as it would have a)demonstrated consequences for the DCs poor behaviour and b)set a better example of united behaviour from both parents.

OP, you are a legend.

I've wanted to do this so many times, but never had the balls.

Well, my DH has done this on the rare occasions that our children have pushed him to the limit, and I have fully supported him in that. After all, I love him and don't enjoy seeing him pushed beyond his edge of endurance! And he understands and is happy to give me a break when I can't take any more - that's what an equal and supportive parenting partnership is about, surely? Incidentally, one of our DCs has very high needs, so we are probably pushed to this point more often than most - it's not just about poor anger management, as a PP said, but some children are genuinely more challenging to parent than others.

OP I feel you pain.

Had my OH’s 2 kids (10 & 13) with us since Sun. They can’t do a thing for themselves. Can’t wash their faces or brush their teeth without being asked numerous times. Would sit in their PJs all day if they weren’t asked to get dressed. Can’t wash a dish, clear a dish, load the dishwasher, lay a table and god forbid the eldest ever made me a cup of tea.

I completely lost my shit (no pun intended) when I got up and went to the bathroom and their was wee all over the floor, and the toilet wasn’t flushed (this is a normal occurrence). I summoned them both to the bathroom and asked them who had left the toilet and floor in this state? They both said it wasn’t them.

At that point I told my OH I wanted a day in my own. So they’ve fended for themselves. The kitchen is a shit tip. The bathroom smells of piss. But i’m not lifting a finger. The slave is not off until the new year!

I salute you OP. Happy New Year.

Seriously I don't give a shit. Mothers bear the brunt of dealing with kids almost all the time. It's not like most people have equal parenting. Enjoy your cake OP.

Seconded.

I don't know what you did in the end, but given that they are tired, overwhelmed and stressed from Christmas by all accounts I would give them a big hug tonight then set aside tomorrow as a simple family day - long walk in the woods followed by movie afternoon for everyone in PJs and an early night all round. Will look so much better next day

The OP didn't cause a scene though?!

Well done that mum!! That will be a lesson your boys will remember, and one well worth learning.

Don't listen to the perfect parents here.

I've done this once. I had had enough of my dh's attitude towards me the whole morning in front of dd.
I said ok if you aren't going to act like a normal adult I'm going. I did what you did. I just wondered round the shops then went back to them after half an hour. Sometimes if the family don't listen you have to remove yourself for your own sanity.

Good for you, I think I should have done the same in similar situations. Children realising their parents don’t have unlimited patience and that they need to heed warnings and learn self control of their emotions is a valuable lesson.

I don't see how she caused a scene either.

Me and my sister have always got on well, but I remember making my mum cry. We were mortified.

I too feel your pain!
Me, DH and teen DD were in holiday, a driving holiday through USA. Half way through we were in Vegas, and meeting up with BIL and MIL travelling down from Canada. We went to Fremont Street in the evening. My DH was supposed to have already called BIL to arrange meeting time and place. Took us an hour to get there and then he informed me he'd not actually phoned his brother so we didn't know what time etc. By this time we were starving, DH was moaning, DD was moaning and we were absolutely shattered. I asked him to phone BIL, and he said no we'll just wait here and we'll see them coming. I decided I'd hadn't enough and said I was going back to the hotel then walked off.
I got the bus back, and on the bus realised that my phone was still in the hotel. returned to the hotel, had no key, so it was about 2 hours before I got into the room. I had about 20 missed calls and voicemails from DH. He went from fuming to worried to downright scared that I'd been kidnapped into slavery!!,
I felt very bad that he'd been so worried and DD so upset! Sometimes when you're pushed to the limit you do things you're not necessarily proud of. 😫😫

I’ve done this kind of thing twice before with dd2 who can be a spectacularly rude ungrateful little sh*t when she puts her mind to it.

Once was in a Chinese restaurant, which she had made up her mind she didn’t want to go to because she wanted to get a dirty burger instead. We had been out all day, we were on holiday on the other side of the world, we were all hungry, and tensions were running high. I tried my best to be cheerful and to snap her out of it but when she insulted me personally I told her that I no longer wanted to look at her let alone eat supper with her, so I went out to the car and waited until they had finished.

The second time was more recently. We were shopping, hungry and went to Pret as it was the only place nearby without a wait on tables. Dd2 didn’t want to go there and started to kick off being uncooperative, sulky, and vile basically, so I told her that I was going to sit outside while she grumbled over her lunch inside. I left her with poor dd1.

Both times she apologised profusely and I think was shocked into realising that her actions affected others and were unacceptable.

Joy 🙄

Can totally understand this. Have had a hacking cough and so has dd2, we have been cooped up all day, with dh being a martyr going around doing everything. TBH, I just need a bit of space, I think that is the way I'm programmed and that is the helpful thing about school - I get an enforced break plus there is some sort of structure. DH took dcs out for a walk today but they were back again 20 minutes later. It's not that the dc are really naughty as such although they do push boundaries at times, I think it is more to do with me. If the eldest two bicker, I just tend to let it go over my head; I think we are at our happiest out and about walking etc. which sadly hasn't happened today.

LadyGodivaRidesAgain
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