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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to walk out on my family in Pizza Express

249 replies

Knitwit101 · 28/12/2018 18:14

I just got up and walked out. I am now in a Costa Coffee a few doors down.

3 kids, just nipping at each other all day long. They are generally well enough behaved but we've had a busy week with lots of family, away from home, everyone is tired and emotional.

But they just wouldn't stop. From the minute we got in the car they were arguing. Sat at the table, just fucking endless. So I got up, very calmly said that I did not want to have dinner with them, put on my coat and left.

I am now feeling terrible about poor old dh who obviously can't also walk out. They are either sitting in stunned silence or they have gone completely crazy. But I can't go back, I just can't. I am also tired and emotional. I wouldn't have dinner with anyone else who was behaving so badly.
Hopefully dh will forgive me. I will do all bedtime and he can go out for a drink or a run or something.

Fucking Christmas, when will it be over?

OP posts:
10PollyPockets · 28/12/2018 18:42

I had an argument with my mum in pizza express today, are they putting something in the pizzas 😅

Thetruthwillout80 · 28/12/2018 18:42

LadyGodivaRidesAgain, you sound lovely..

AlpacaLypse · 28/12/2018 18:46

KingBobra, you say your mum 'did stuff like this' - I assume that means throwing a hissy fit was a regular occurrence with her. My reading of this particular situation is that OP has never felt herself forced to this point before, and therefore it isn't the same as with your mum. I doubt very much that the children's relationship with OP will be affected, I do think they will realise that Mum is human and deserves to be treated with respect.

LadyGodivaRidesAgain · 28/12/2018 18:46

Thank you. Mmmmmuuuuaaaahhhh!

ShotsFired · 28/12/2018 18:47

This is a genuine question, but would you parents really tell the children some form of "mummy is upset and needs to calm down, she loves you"?

I ask because when similar happened to me as a kid, I would be made to go and apologise to my still visibly-steaming mum, who would respond curtly and then I'd have to just wait out her crossness/go to bed early.

I never got any type of message like the one above.

purplerainbows · 28/12/2018 18:47

The only time I've ever seen my mum cry was one day when my sibling and I were arguing. It was only once and she said she couldn't cope with us anymore and walked out the front door (only into the garden) but I refused to ever argue with my sibling again after that day and I still feel shit about it. We argued all the time and still don't really get along now. But I had never considered how it affected others until she did that.

Sending a big hug OP

Hassled · 28/12/2018 18:48

My older kids (now working adults) still speak in tones of shock and awe at the time I made DH turn around and drive home half way to major rollercoaster attraction place because they were just being so fucking awful that I couldn't stand it. They had been warned. I really believe that children need to know their parents have a tipping point, that there's a line they don't cross and that their actions and behaviour actually do affect other people. So - if you can imagine a bunch of cheerleaders at the side of Costa Coffee cheering you on, I'm one of them.

MakeAHouseAHome · 28/12/2018 18:53

Seriously... imagine this was the other way round and a Dad walked out on his wife and kids in Pizza Express. Reaction would be very different Hmm

cstaff · 28/12/2018 18:54

Hope you have calmed down and are enjoying your coffee and cake. Sounds like you needed a break.

Banterlope · 28/12/2018 18:54

I really believe that children need to know their parents have a tipping point, that there's a line they don't cross and that their actions and behaviour actually do affect other people

Amen to this, kids can be monstrous and it's okay to let them know when you've had enough. Mine know that most of the shit they do to each other at home is unacceptable in the civilised world, so I don't understand why they think it's okay to do it to me. I tell them this. They don't listen though

countrygirl99 · 28/12/2018 18:54

Once we had a day out in London. Plan was to have something to eat before heading home. OH and both boys were all bickering about where to eat and I had had enough. I just calmly announced I was going home and either they could shut up and we all go home together in the car or I would get the train. They were all stunned and we went home in the dar and had something at home.

maddiemookins16mum · 28/12/2018 18:54

Yep, if it was a bloke he’d be blasted at and told ‘get back and support your DW in disciplining your kids’.

Stupomax · 28/12/2018 18:55

The only time I've ever seen my mum cry was one day when my sibling and I were arguing. It was only once and she said she couldn't cope with us anymore and walked out the front door (only into the garden) but I refused to ever argue with my sibling again after that day and I still feel shit about it. We argued all the time and still don't really get along now. But I had never considered how it affected others until she did that.

Similar here. One day my mum totally lost it with us over the incessant petty arguing, and suddenly I realised that it was horrible for other people to have to listen to us constantly arguing. Since then we've barely argued about anything.

Hissy · 28/12/2018 18:59

Bravo that woman!

Your kids will see that they can’t behave like that and get away with it.

Good for you - and it’s good for the kids too.

Juells · 28/12/2018 19:00

Good for you.

sickmumma · 28/12/2018 19:00

Haha I love this! Don't think I would ever be brave enough to do it myself but I think the kids will def learn from this! I would feel a bit mean on DH though but sounds like he's taken it well!

Glad it's not just mine that are arguing atm! I think all the excitement and out of routine is really effecting my three as usually they are partners in crime and rarely argue (accept from the last week of the summer holidays when they get fed up of each other - top tip - a holiday booked for the last week massively helps!)

AngelaSchrute · 28/12/2018 19:01

They will be fine.

The only thing I will say is if they are sorry, let them be sorry. Don't drag this out and take it home with you.

You have made your (very reasonable) point and they sound like it has sunk in. There's no need for further punishment.

Enjoy your cake!

123bananas · 28/12/2018 19:02

Haven't done this with my kids but did once when teaching. The class felt really guilty afterwards and were good as gold for the rest of the year. I was only next door so knew they were OK for 5 minutes while I silently screamed (teens).

Hope you enjoyed your cake. The kids will be fine and hopefully a bit more thoughtful for the rest of the day at least.

Gatehouse77 · 28/12/2018 19:03

DH and I have done this on rare occasions. When we've reached our own personal breaking point and can't be the parent we need to be. And it's up to the other to step in.

Nowt wrong with that.

TenForward82 · 28/12/2018 19:04

A DH who walked out would be blasted because mums usually (usually) bear the brunt of the workload with kids. A husband who couldn't cope with one rowdy dinner is different to a mum who has dealt with it all / most of the day for years.

Nenic · 28/12/2018 19:05

A man would get crucified if he did this.

TheNewMrsTomHardy · 28/12/2018 19:07

Ignore the perfect parents on here, you did the right thing.
I hope you’re having something large and decadent with masses of whipped cream.

IfNotNowBernard · 28/12/2018 19:07

Seriously... imagine this was the other way round and a Dad walked out on his wife and kids in Pizza Express. Reaction would be very different hmm
Seriously I don't give a shit. Mothers bear the brunt of dealing with kids almost all the time. It's not like most oeople have equal patenting. Enjoy your cake OP.

JKCR2017 · 28/12/2018 19:08

We’ve all been there and don’t feel guilty. They were left with their dad after all.

I am a stay at home Mum to two DC. One with additional needs. I don’t get a break and sometimes when OH gets home I bugger off upstairs or out for a walk with the dog. Sometimes it’s got that much I’ve stormed out.

It may of made your children realise how they were behaving!

Kaykay06 · 28/12/2018 19:09

Mine would’ve never got to the restaurant as no way I’m sitting with bratty kids who don’t appreciate being taken out for dinner. Waste of money and time and you’ve really just done yourself out of dinner but I totally get why you walked out. My youngest boys are 13, 8 & 7 so I have felt as you did today.

Single parent though so can’t walk out (wish I could though at times) go back go home send them to bed early and I hope your dh understands and you can have a nice evening together.