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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To object to M-i-L's gift?

200 replies

SharpLily · 28/12/2018 12:50

To get it out of the way, my M-i-L is a horrible controlling, manipulative woman. Huge family resentments surround her but my husband, although he doesn't like her or enjoy her company, is a dutiful son and prefers to ignore all of it. I don't want to make him upset or uncomfortable so I keep my opinion of her to myself and do my best to remain civil.

Before Christmas, M-i-L called me to ask what Christmas presents would be good for our four year old daughter (M-i-L has eight grandchildren but because all her other kids and stepdaughter hate her, our daughter is the only one she has access to and so she tends to spoil her. Fair enough.). M-i-L said she'd seen some bed covers she liked.

At this point I said that sounds lovely but please not bed covers - I explained politely but clearly that for various complicated reasons my husband and I have not yet been able to make a nice bedroom of her own for our daughter but we are currently in the middle of reforming the house and soon she will have her own lovely bedroom for the first time - this bit M-i-L knows. I told her that we had been looking forward to doing this for a long time and had promised our daughter she could choose her own things (from an edited selection!). I explained that she is excited about her bedroom, we had looked through Pinterest together and she had shown us how she would like her room to look and we had all agreed to make her room look like this.

Cut to Christmas Day and what has M-i-l bought? Fucking bed covers.

They don't at all go with the style of room being planned. They're very nice and good quality but they're just not what we've been looking at and planning for so long. I hate waste however and am gnashing my teeth at the thought of just giving them away or of having to keep them to use them just when M-i-L visits. I'm just really annoyed that she she ignored our clear wishes just because she had to do things her way. Am I being precious or is she a cow?

OP posts:
Orlande · 28/12/2018 12:52

You're being a bit precious, just take them back and exchange them.

lifecouldbeadream · 28/12/2018 12:54

Keep them as spares?

Thehop · 28/12/2018 12:54

Can you exchange them?

Bit of a rubbish gift for a kid IMO

UbbesPonytail · 28/12/2018 12:55

Either exchange them or just keep them as spares. You can still get the main set.

Stephisaur · 28/12/2018 12:55

Stick the covers in the cupboard and use them as spares when the main covers are in the wash.

Perhaps MIL had already bought the covers before you told her that they wouldn’t be suitable.

LIZS · 28/12/2018 12:56

Precious and ungrateful. Ask to exchange if it bothers you that much, or accommodate it in your plans as spares.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 28/12/2018 12:56

God, you sound like hard work.

countrygirl99 · 28/12/2018 12:56

Exchange or Ebay

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/12/2018 12:57

You are being wildly precious. Just don’t use them.

Your MIL might be a horrible old bag but this is such a non-issue. If your daughter decides next year she wants some would you say no because it doesn’t match?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2018 12:57

Did you say to MIL " why have you bought bed covers when I asked you not to? "

ShalomJackie · 28/12/2018 12:57

Use them now then while she hasn't got her nice new room. Then buy new then.

I suspect she might have already bought them in a sale before she asked and they were no returnable.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2018 12:58

I don't see how the OP is being precious tbf. She specifically explained why she didn't want bed covers and that's what MIL bought. I would have brought it up with her though and asked why she'd done that.

SharpLily · 28/12/2018 12:59

I can't exchange, they're from another country - and don't fit our duvets and pillows! Hmm

She hadn't already bought them, she made that clear in the phone call.

I can't see any choice but to keep them as spares but we do have issues with storage and clutter in this house so it really pisses me off to have to keep something like this which is so useless.

If I try to sell them on FB can she see what I post in selling groups?

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 28/12/2018 12:59

It doesn't matter. Be gracious, say thank you, keep them as spares.

BaronessBomburst · 28/12/2018 12:59

Just use them for now.
Then when you do up DD's room, use them as spares. They'll come in handy for tents, sleepovers, picnics etc.
You know what she's like, and you could have predicted this. It's not you 'wasting' them, it's her as she ignored your advice and did her own thing.

vodkaanddietcokeplease · 28/12/2018 13:00

Dust sheets Grin

Oysterbabe · 28/12/2018 13:00

You're being precious. Most people have a few sets of bed covers.

Birdie6 · 28/12/2018 13:01

I'm still trying to get my head around why a 4 year old would want bed linen as a gift .

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/12/2018 13:01

Always good to have a spare set. At some point you will need to make an emergency change of bedding due to vomit. You will have sleepovers that you may need bedding for. Much easier to put spare beddding on for one night whilst main set is being washed than to faff about getting wasged dried and back on bed in same day.

BaronessBomburst · 28/12/2018 13:01

The pillow thing I get, but aren't duvets a standard size?

ShanghaiDiva · 28/12/2018 13:02

I don't think you are being ungrateful - she asked and you said no, so why did she buy them?
I would keep them as spares. Not the most exciting xmas present for a four year old!

Holidayshopping · 28/12/2018 13:02

don't fit our duvets and pillows!

Tell her that then. Confused

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2018 13:02

Did you ask her WHY she'd bought them OP?

No point moaning if you're never going to do anything about stuff you don't like.

SharpLily · 28/12/2018 13:03

She's not the sort of woman you can have a reasonable conversation with - if I ask that (to me) perfectly obvious question there will be a row and my husband will be made to feel very uncomfortable.

And if my daughter wants Ladybug covers next week or month then no, I won't let her have them - not because they don't match but because the following month she will want Paw Patrol and the month after that Frozen and the month after that Tangled and so on, which is why we are quite carefully avoiding anything like that.

I haven't spoken to M-i-L yet because she lives six hours away and presents get posted to us in a box.

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 28/12/2018 13:03

Yanbu, its not thoughtful to pull a stunt like that and you don't have to be grateful.
If you sell them on FB or Ebay it might be that someone crafty can use the fabric, so the size isn't such an issue. But she will be able to see.

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