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AIBU?

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Original poster

To object to M-i-L's gift?

200 replies

SharpLily · 28/12/2018 12:50

To get it out of the way, my M-i-L is a horrible controlling, manipulative woman. Huge family resentments surround her but my husband, although he doesn't like her or enjoy her company, is a dutiful son and prefers to ignore all of it. I don't want to make him upset or uncomfortable so I keep my opinion of her to myself and do my best to remain civil.

Before Christmas, M-i-L called me to ask what Christmas presents would be good for our four year old daughter (M-i-L has eight grandchildren but because all her other kids and stepdaughter hate her, our daughter is the only one she has access to and so she tends to spoil her. Fair enough.). M-i-L said she'd seen some bed covers she liked.

At this point I said that sounds lovely but please not bed covers - I explained politely but clearly that for various complicated reasons my husband and I have not yet been able to make a nice bedroom of her own for our daughter but we are currently in the middle of reforming the house and soon she will have her own lovely bedroom for the first time - this bit M-i-L knows. I told her that we had been looking forward to doing this for a long time and had promised our daughter she could choose her own things (from an edited selection!). I explained that she is excited about her bedroom, we had looked through Pinterest together and she had shown us how she would like her room to look and we had all agreed to make her room look like this.

Cut to Christmas Day and what has M-i-l bought? Fucking bed covers.

They don't at all go with the style of room being planned. They're very nice and good quality but they're just not what we've been looking at and planning for so long. I hate waste however and am gnashing my teeth at the thought of just giving them away or of having to keep them to use them just when M-i-L visits. I'm just really annoyed that she she ignored our clear wishes just because she had to do things her way. Am I being precious or is she a cow?

OP posts:
Original poster
SharpLily · 28/12/2018 13:26

Apparently she's told my husband it doesn't matter if they don't fit - we can shove the too big duvet in and it won't matter or we can buy her a new duvet from the UK to match the bedding we didn't want...

I have explained that she's not an easy woman to reason with.

OP posts:
Letshopeitsallok · 28/12/2018 13:27

How does she have 8 grandchildren and other kids if your husband is an only child?

Letshopeitsallok · 28/12/2018 13:29

Oh sorry misread, he’s the only child to have anything to do with her

LIZS · 28/12/2018 13:29

Of course you can fold the duvet inside to fit!

Holidayshopping · 28/12/2018 13:29

He’s not an only child. He’s the only child who will bother with her.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2018 13:30

Sell them on ebay.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 28/12/2018 13:33

The UK has different size beds and duvets to Europe.

Really? I've been living in "Europe" for 24 years and all my bedding is either from my Mum's (in the UK), M&S (in the UK), John Lewis or Matalan.

You don't like what she bought. She was asked not to. Fine. But there's no need to go Mach 10 with your hair on fire about it. Nobody died.

Chocolate1984 · 28/12/2018 13:35

I was expecting something so much worse than bed covers.

CitrusFruit9 · 28/12/2018 13:35

You are under no obligation to keep ANYTHING which does not work for you whether it is a gift or not. I also live in a small house and can't bear clutter so am remorseless about removing stuff I don't want. Do yourself a favour and eBay or charity shop the bedding and never think about it again :)

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 13:36

If I were to object to the bed covers she would turn it into a row. There's no question about it and it's why she's in the lonely position she is. Forced to choose between us (and she would make him) I have no doubt at all that my husband would put me over her. There would be no surprises to me there. However I don't want to put him in that position as I don't think it's fair to him.

Ok

Then find a way out of it which doesn't involve her knowing what you do

Keep the bedding and use as bedding
Sell the bedding
Keep the bedding and use as dust covers
Give the bedding away

Yulebealrite · 28/12/2018 13:38

This is such a non issue. Get rid of them any way you want. Don't clutter your house with unwanted spares.
You tolerate her and don't like her. This is just another reason why.

So what if she realises? You told her not to buy them. Ignore any reaction in the unlikely event she finds out.

RomanyRoots · 28/12/2018 13:38

Tell her they don't fit, give them her back to exchange or he can keep them as spares.
Why are you avoiding what your child wants? Just because they want something else the next month doesn't mean you have to buy it Confused
You sound weird tbh.

orangecushion · 28/12/2018 13:38

I think bed covers are the least of your problems.

BlueBinDay · 28/12/2018 13:39

Smile and say thank you, and move on. Seriously, how much headspace are you planning to waste on this?

I agree. I just couldn't be bothered to ask her why she bought them.
I'd have put them in in the charity shop pile and forgotten about it within 5 minutes. I don't understand how an unwanted xmas gift can result in people 'standing up to' their in-laws. Or of having one's husband 'stand up to' his mother.
It's a duvet cover ffs. Either use it or don't use it, but forget about it and try to find something a bit more important to do.

glueandstick · 28/12/2018 13:39

What are they like? I use duvet covers for patchwork. Can you make her a throw out of them? Then they’d be used/have a use.

EvaHarknessRose · 28/12/2018 13:40

YABU to expect an unreasonable person avoided by most of her own family will be reasonable. Try to move on from letting this stuff get to you, or go lower contact.

If I get gifts that make me feel bad (due to attached emotions) then I charity shop them (including an extremely expensive bit of jewellry and a very posh dressing gown). I deserve more than keeping them in my house. If she takes offence and stops giving things, that’s even better.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 28/12/2018 13:40

She's annoying, definitely. Don't worry about using them if you don't want to or if it's inconvenient (because they don't even fit the bed/pillows). I'd sell if I could; otherwise, I'd donate them (though if they're the wrong size for the country, they won't be in high demand).

That's a weird gift for anyone, but especially a kid. Most people want to choose their own decor, if they can afford to, and most kids don't really get that excited about bed linens (unless maybe if it's of their own choosing).

Rudgie47 · 28/12/2018 13:41

Stick them on your areas selling group on Facebook or Ebay them.

Zwischenwasser · 28/12/2018 13:41

I know this is loaded with emotion for you, I get it. (Been there)

But bedding will come in useful. Even wrong size stuff.

Small children frequently wet beds, puke 3x in one night, spill a drink they were forbidden to take to their room. I ended up with 3 sets of bedding (none to my taste, all gifts). Tbh it STILL wasn’t enough when we had a spate of bedwetting. And the less said about laundry and the norovirus incident the better.

Keep it as spare. (Folded flat under the mattress in a binbag if space is tight )

XiCi · 28/12/2018 13:42

I imagine she had already bought it before she broached the subject with you so just thought she'd chuck it in with the presents anyway. I would just thank her for the gifts and put it in textile recycling or if you can be bothered, ebay

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/12/2018 13:42

She might not have her bedroom yet but she still needs a duvet cover and she can have more than one, surely?? What does your daughter think of the new one her granny has bought? If she likes it I don't see the problem, and it doesn't make your MIL a cow. Save your battles for the important stuff. Hmm

Whocansay · 28/12/2018 13:43

Can't you just give them back to MIL and say your DD can use them at her house when she comes to stay?

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 28/12/2018 13:44

Oh! I missed the bit about her sending another "boxload of stuff" that you also hated OP.

How terribly unfortunate for you that your MIL sends boxloads of loathsome gifts.

1forAll74 · 28/12/2018 13:44

How awful of you, perhaps send the offending bed linen to one of those countries where children are having to sleep on the floor in shelters right now., as in,bring a smile to some poor child's face.!!

Vandree · 28/12/2018 13:44

You are seriously overthinking this. Just graciously say thank you and forget about it. A duvet set takes up very very little room and will come in handy down the line I am sure. Folding over the edge of a duvet inside of the covers the odd time they are being used is not something to worry about honestly. She probably did make out that she didn't have them bought but did already. My mam insisted on buying a pink crystal lamp for my 2 year olds bedroom. It wasn't something that matched or was wanted by my dd but we said thanks and used it for a bit. It was knocked over and broken a few weeks later and now 8 years on its totally forgotten about (and dd has had 3 different lamps since then anyway). Don't even give it headspace