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Original poster

To think this is really odd behaviour

354 replies

MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 01:40

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

OP posts:
shuthefrontdoor · 29/12/2018 23:07

Oh my god op.. what a rough couple of days, you did well to bin him off though and tell his wife x

animallikeyou · 29/12/2018 23:10

Well done Melba, you have done a really brave thing. I’m sure the way wife will thank you for it in years to come.

You are so strong and I’m glad you realise that you are worth so much more than that poor excuse for a ‘man.’

Much love. xo

RollsEyes · 29/12/2018 23:27

Well done, OP, you've behaved in a very dignified way and I hope that it will help you to move on now.

In the words of Ariana, Thank you, next! We're all behind you. Thanks

Hezz · 29/12/2018 23:40

Onwards and upwards OP Thanks

BumbleBeee69 · 30/12/2018 04:36

I’m so sorry OP, so so sorry Flowers

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2018 06:05

You have behaved with more dignity and respect than I would have done!
I'm sorry he's messed with you and wasted a year of your life but you really are well rid.
Now hold that head up high! Thanks

NorthernKnickers · 30/12/2018 07:32

@Nanna50 she ordered the deeds on Friday...today is Sunday (and you asked your question yesterday...less than 24 hours after the OP had ordered the deeds!). Do you honestly think that she has received them? Seriously? Do think before you post 🙄

Nanna50 · 30/12/2018 08:26

NorthernKnickers Two things, one I’ve totally lost track of what day it actually is over these holidays and two, someone upthread said the results are emailed quickly. It’s not something I’ve ordered so I took their word for it. So no need for the eye roll, thanks.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 30/12/2018 08:36

I wonder how many times he’s done this. Did his wife show any expression at all? What was she like?

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2018 08:58

The op has said, that the partner on receiving the information from op, just shut the door in her face, she might be in shock, something that hasen't happened before. If he had a habit of doing this, she might have said to op, thanks very much, he has done this before type thing. Good on op, better the lady have that information to do with what she wants, than be in the dark about her cheating husband going on dating sites.

Kione · 30/12/2018 09:18

My friend had to do something similar. Met a guy, saw him for a few months, then she gets a call from his wife. She didn't know he was married and had a 9 month old baby! Wife was horrible to my friend so she cut the call. Then she spoke to friends and thought, and sent her a message explaining that she didn't know anything and if she wanted she would answer her questions. The wife called again and first was VERY condescending (my friend is foreign so you can imagine) but eventually got to see that it wasn't my friends fault and ended the call thanking her for her honesty. They never spoke again.
If you are honest and do the right thing, it will hurt but healing should be easier.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/12/2018 09:31

You're very brave to have seen the wife face to face. Good idea to have given her paper evidence as well though.
Hope that's the last you hear from either of them.

And yes, it might be a shitty time of year for the wife to hear about his infidelity but at least now she knows he's a cheating arse and can react accordingly, rather than blindly going into a new year without knowing her husband was a douchebag.

Happy douche-free New Year. ThanksWine

RedLife · 30/12/2018 10:59

Such an incredible 40 hours OP. I'm sure you can hardly believe it yourself!

Spit it out ffs 🙄

ILoveChristmasLights · 30/12/2018 11:04

Well done, it wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do 💐

I’m sorry he turned out to be such a shit.

I hope 2019 is good to you!

Ohheyyy · 30/12/2018 12:16

Thank you for telling his wife and in as kind a way as possible. I hope next year treats you better than this one.

squeekums · 30/12/2018 13:02

Wow op, what a crappy discovery
You did the right thing telling the wife, very brave.
Hope next year is better for you

Original poster
MelbaToast · 30/12/2018 15:23

Today feels so weird. Now its all over I feel really sad. I've spent the morning and lunch with my sister and now I'm alone with my misery. Thank you all for giving me strength. I know I can do so much better than him but it doesn't take away from the fact that bizarrely enough I think deep down I still have feelings for him.

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 30/12/2018 15:54

Glad you have support. You are Probably grieving for the future you imagined you would be having with him. You were together for a year, that’s quite a long time and it’s difficult to switch of feelings just like that.

Collidascope · 30/12/2018 16:10

Of course you still have feelings for him. You were with him for a year, and you're coming to terms with the fact that he's not the person you thought he was. That's a huge things to go through. You've also had the unpleasantness of telling his wife. That must have shaken you up too. You will feel better soon though. At least now you've started the process of moving on from him.

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 30/12/2018 17:10

Its a really horrible feeling to find out that someone you have had a relationship with has lied to you. I have been there, seeing this lovely man for about 5 months, on the bus on the way home after a horrible shift I messaged him to tell him, he rang me, only it wasn't him it was his wife. I asked her to call me back when I was home, she did and I told her the truth, it must have been awful for her to hear. I apologised a lot and wished her well

Awful as it feels at the moment, I think its better to be in your shoes than hers, she has committed herself and had children with a man who is a cheat and a liar. You hopefully will pick yourself up and find someone who deserves you. Wishing you all the best for 2019

Mysa74 · 30/12/2018 17:48

It's only natural that you still have feelings Melba, you aren't a robot who can switch your emotions on and off. You may have wondered if something wasn't right but human nature hopes for the best and after investing a whole year of your life in this guy you'd have also been planning for a future, even if subconsciously. Things could have been so diffent if you'd gone to his house and found him covered in paint and brick dust...
Take time to mourn what you thought you had then move on with hope in your heart.
You've done nothing wrong!

browneyes77 · 30/12/2018 18:05

It’s only natural you still have feelings for him. No matter how much he’s hurt you those feelings you had for him don’t just disappear overnight. You just need to give yourself time to work through them.

Your gut was spot on, so at least he didn’t get the chance to continue this charade any longer and you got out before you got in even deeper. A year is deep enough, but 2 or 3 would’ve been much harder.

And I think you’ve been very strong, much stronger than you probably even realise. It takes guts to do what you did. Finding out that person isn’t who they said they were, ending a relationship and then having to inform his wife her husband is a cheater all within a short space of time is a lot for someone to deal with. I think you’re doing incredibly well Flowers

whatsthepointinwasps · 30/12/2018 18:08

Hey Melba, firstly good on you for taking action, that's brave and well done for dealing with his poor wife as kindly and as dignifiedly as you could.
All along you were the innocent party and did the right thing as soon as you were able. So pat yourself on the back for that.
But doing 'the right thing' doesn't mean its an easy thing....in fact the days coming will probably be very, very hard now that you're over the initial shock.
Be kind to yourself in as many ways as you can and when you feel angry, sad and alone hold on to the fact that these feelings will pass...in time. Those that love you will want to help so reach out to them if you can.
You have shown yourself by your actions to be strong, its ok to feel miserable just now and for the next while, but your inner strength will get through it.
Take care of yourself in the meantime and try to console yourself that you did what was right, even though it was tough you did it.
You deserve happiness and being a good person it will come to you in the end.

StoneofDestiny · 30/12/2018 18:35

can't believe the wife didn't grill you so she could confront him without a shadow of doubt in her mind.

Petalflowers · 30/12/2018 18:48

Maybe she suspected something was amiss (or has read this thread)

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