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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really odd behaviour

354 replies

MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 01:40

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

OP posts:
CantstandmLMs · 29/12/2018 14:35

Absolutely unbelievable, OP! Some people are utter shit heads!!!

GoldenEvilHoor · 29/12/2018 14:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

alansleftfoot · 29/12/2018 15:12

Of course it's his wife, his reaction says it all. I suspect you're not the first either op. His wife deserves to know, with evidence he cannot worm out of.

Ohheyyy · 29/12/2018 15:13

As someone whose husband had an affair the only thing I can say is please be as kind to the wife as possible when you tell her (and I do think she deserves to know). Think about how you'd want to receive the news if you were her and put yourself in her shoes.

crispysausagerolls · 29/12/2018 15:15

What a cunt

Hugs OP

trulybadlydeeply · 29/12/2018 15:19

Oh OP, I'm really sorry to hear this, and absolutely no need to apologise for taking a while to update.

Personally I think you should tell her, when you feel able to, not to get back at him, because he doesn't deserve a single second more of your time or energy, but for her benefit, as she deserves to know.

Take care.

RollsEyes · 29/12/2018 15:37

I was that wife. Nobody told me what was going on, yet SO many people knew about it. I'll never forgive him for his behaviour, obviously, but I'll never forgive people for not telling me what they knew, either. It would have saved a lot more time and anguish for myself and my children.

You'll be doing the right thing by telling his wife, no matter how difficult you may find it.

Pfingstrose · 29/12/2018 15:38

Hideous situation. I'm so sorry OP, and his poor wife!

I bet he'll be absolutely shitting himself now, as his tangled web of lies comes unravelled...

The level of selfishness it must take to do something like this is truly staggering.

limpbizkit · 29/12/2018 16:25

You're best to tell her sooner rather than later as he's probably already concocting his 'psycho bitch' story ready for it. I'm amazed he told you where he lived in the first place. He must have known there was a chance you'd turn upConfused

PerverseConverse · 29/12/2018 17:13

ThanksCakeWinefor you OP. I'm so sorry to read your update. As someone who was cheated on, please tell the wife. Not to get back at him, but to give her the chance to take control of her life.

Original poster
MelbaToast · 29/12/2018 17:15

Thank you for the advice. I will do it - just not when he's around. How do I open a conversation with her. It seems so brutal.

OP posts:
UnicornSlaughters · 29/12/2018 17:15

So sorry OP

animallikeyou · 29/12/2018 17:22

Sorry to hear this.

Podemos · 29/12/2018 17:37

As horrible as it seems, I think you need to give her as much evidence as you can. A random women turning up with accusations could be explained away/ completely denied by him. If you can give her evidence, she will know absolutely and he can't deny it. It's then up to her what she does.

Original poster
MelbaToast · 29/12/2018 17:48

I still have all his messages on my phone. I'll go over later this evening- according to recent messages he's out with a friend (probably another woman). Will update later.

OP posts:
Santaissleepingoffmincepies · 29/12/2018 17:55

You will be doing the right thing op.

Mummyoftwo91 · 29/12/2018 17:57

Wow hope your okay op

PerverseConverse · 29/12/2018 18:01

Wow OP, you're amazing to be strong enough to do that. You've got mumsnet behind you wishing you (and the poor wife) all the best and a future without this cheating scum.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 29/12/2018 18:10

Good luck OP! You're doing a good thing for his wife.

Just be calm, honest and sympathetic.x

BaeBae · 29/12/2018 18:18

She does need to know. Well done.

gingerrubber · 29/12/2018 18:19

good luck 👍

VladmirsPoutine · 29/12/2018 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButtMuncher · 29/12/2018 18:24

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. How did you meet? If it was online and you still have records of messages exchanged, get them screenshot too so you have historical evidence of when it started lest he tries and minimises it as a 'short fling'

Thinking of you Thanks

Beeziekn33ze · 29/12/2018 18:27

Sometimes it's horrible to be right. 💐
Make 2019 a great year for yourself, good luck!

iano · 29/12/2018 18:31

I'm sorry OP! I hope 2019 brings great things for you. I would tell her. Maybe not in person but I'm a bit of a coward.