woke up still feeling Meh about last night

[alistg]

Grr why when it comes to feelings I can't seem to let things go?.Last night my Dp was here with his older children .Mine turned up later in the evening.The night was led really by the children ,watching films going on their phones .So not a lot of interaction.My Dp had work this am .So as usually he wound everything down as in make anyone a last drink , tidy up .(He used to run a pub) .He herds everyone out of the kitchen also herds me up to bed .Which happened last night .So my ds is now also getting into bed it's late .I'm in the bathroom getting ready .I can hear his dss go back into the kitchen & start laughing with him .Then the noise is turned up a notch .To which my dp knocks on the bathroom door asking if my youngest can go back down as he doesn't want him miss out of the fun with his 2 .No mention of me .So last night I sat rigged to my bed for 2 hours ranging while they were all downstairs having a fun .Dp later came up stairs all smiling saying they all had a fun night .He asked then if I was alright .My reply was light of .I hoped this am my emotions would re align , but no here I am still raging .

@Quartz2208
yes that's what i was thinking to .Men!!!

Aw op but its not all men. I have a lovely husband. He would never do things like this. Need to get your self worth up a bit I think.

So he doesn’t live with you and herds you to bed in your own home?

I don't understand this thread at all.. Sorry!

Don’t let yourself be herded again. It’s your house, there doesn’t have to be a drama, just go to bed when you’re ready.

Maybe don't have him to stay for a couple of weeks to break the cycle. Then when he next asks and you want him there and he tries his bed routine you might feel a bit more able to stand your ground.

I think that if you feel you need to be specifically invited to come downstairs in your own house with your own family, you truly do need therapy - and I hope it helps you develop the confidence you need to be happy

I really dislike threads like this, as people jump in and try to make the op feel like she's right and her partner is a problem, thinking it's a kindness.

Op. You're in your fifties. It's your house.if you don't want to go to bed don't. If you want to get up again do.

Take some personal responsibility here for your own happiness. Your partner may think you're happy to go to bed. He may have thought you wouldn't have wanted to get up again.

But who gives a shit what he thought. You're a big girl. You're a grown woman in her fifties, Goto bed when you want, get up again if you want.

There really isn't any more to it.

thank you @Bluntness100 .yes you see things black or white , but my thread unfolded over the day .My intention was never to be told I am right .There isn't an answer to my post , but for me to understand why I felt the way I did .Again a lot of lovely posters led me to see what I couldn't.My Dp is a lovely man , maybe he doesn't understand what went wrong last night , but I know moving forward I have to speak up .Not on just the herding , but also the way his Ds orchestrates our time .

@Nousernameforme
good idea .Definitely will be changing the cycle

@Pachyderm1 .I'm all for help on finding solutions for life's problems, but therapy? really ? .I think on this occasion I'll pass

You don't need therapy. You just need to take responsibility for your own happiness and not over think things.

I would be thrilled if my husband were having fun with the children. I don't need to be part of everything that happens in our home.

I would hate the "herding to bed" part. As a grown ass woman, I make my own decisions about bedtime. Please have a chat with him and explain your feelings.

Don’t dismiss therapy! The vast majority of people would benefit from it enormously.

You mentioned earlier in the thread that this is an issue which stems back to your childhood, where you sometimes felt that you had to be invited to participate in family life while your ‘braver’ siblings just involved themselves. That suggests that this is a deep-rooted insecurity of yours, and I actually think you would be surprised at how much therapy would assist you in addressing that.

yes I did mention a connection to my childhood that was triggered by a post , but happy to leave all that where it belongs in the past

How old is his DS?

his ds is 13

I’ve read the first page and the last two.

I once spent 30mibs

Damn touchscreen.

I once spent 30 mins sat in a car because DH didn’t think to get my shoes from the boot. It was silly. You shouldn’t have stayed in your room but we are all sometimes silly :)

What does 'shutting the house down' entail? Do you mean locking the door and turn the tv and lights off? Or is there more to it than that. ?

that's exactly it, switching things of .Letting the dog out .checking things

Ah ok. Could you do it for a change to break the monotony a bit.

I can assure you .As of today things will change

I found this helpful:
blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2018/12/why-we-abandon-ourselves-and-how-to-stop/
Be kind to yourself OP