woke up still feeling Meh about last night

[alistg]

Grr why when it comes to feelings I can't seem to let things go?.Last night my Dp was here with his older children .Mine turned up later in the evening.The night was led really by the children ,watching films going on their phones .So not a lot of interaction.My Dp had work this am .So as usually he wound everything down as in make anyone a last drink , tidy up .(He used to run a pub) .He herds everyone out of the kitchen also herds me up to bed .Which happened last night .So my ds is now also getting into bed it's late .I'm in the bathroom getting ready .I can hear his dss go back into the kitchen & start laughing with him .Then the noise is turned up a notch .To which my dp knocks on the bathroom door asking if my youngest can go back down as he doesn't want him miss out of the fun with his 2 .No mention of me .So last night I sat rigged to my bed for 2 hours ranging while they were all downstairs having a fun .Dp later came up stairs all smiling saying they all had a fun night .He asked then if I was alright .My reply was light of .I hoped this am my emotions would re align , but no here I am still raging .

@daisychain01
Blended families are such hard work .. thank you for your advice

Oh, so you were rigid to the bed for 2 hours. I see.

He probably assumed that as you are an adult you would pop down if you wanted to, probably just encouraged the children as didn’t want them to feel like they weren’t welcome to join in.

Sorry you feel like this. I think the fun that notched up later in the night, after you went to bed was accident not design. I can see how it might have been difficult to rejoin in the fun. I would be similar - I would overthink things and worry that me reappearing might create a new dynamic and a tumbleweed moment and then catalyst that ends their fun so wouldn't try to go back downstairs and join in.

Maybe you felt like this? Some just overthink and dissect situations and worry of outcomes then end up missing out. I've found overthinking like this is exhausting. Maybe next year we should both bolder in these situations and not let the outcome, whatever that is get to us.

I'm sorry to keep questioning you, OP, but I'm really trying to understand. Your thread title is "woke up still feeling Meh about last night", but the last line of your first post is "here I am still raging". Since when is feeling "meh" compatible with "still raging"? 'Meh' means indifferent/shrug/don't care.

@MrPoppysGF
yes totally on all levels.Thank you

@InsomniacAnonymous
feeling Meh , because i was hoping after a nights sleep my brain would kick in with the "don't be ridiculous "
so as it didn't it left me raging

To be fair to him, he didn't actually make you go to bed or stay there.

Why anyone would lie rigid with shock for two hours just because some of the family had gone downstairs is beyond me.

Can you suggest why you think you reacted like that OP?

He sounds v annoying, ur dp, with his deciding when when u go to bed, in your own house... V controlling

Hi OP. I know exactly what you felt like. Bave been through it myself. It's like You were tricked to miss out and then feel too embarrassed to go back down in case you ruin the fun. How horrible is that?
I have been there.
Also fear of missing out too.

I don't understand why he needs everyone to bed. I think you need to just be like nah I'll go to bed when i want.
But it is weird behaviour from him. The smiling when he cake up to bed...was he trying to rub it in to you what a nice night they had had knowing you were left out?

Fairenuff ok you dont get it. I doubt you can help the op

I don't think anyone can help the OP based on the tiny bit of information they have provided. There is obviously a lot more to this and OP probably needs counselling to unpick why she behaves like this.

@Fairenuff
But that is where you are so massively wrong .The posters that have replied to my thread have helped me tremendously.Sometimes ( as the saying goes)
you can't always see the woods for the trees .
Also just wanted to add .Sometimes it is not necessary to write down a back story /more information.What's it's purpose ?so you can be nosey ? . Sorry
An incident happened & I came on here to see if you could help .Answer
yes it did

Well I think me and lying and a few others understand it.
It's a feeling of being left out.
A feeling that others don't think much of you or would rather have fun without you or even wait until youre gone to have fun.
A feeling that they may be laughing at you and you don't know because you are upstairs being left out.
A feeling that it's all been orchestrated this way and everyone was in on the plan to get rid of you so they can have fun.

It's pretty horrible to feel like that. And yes ok may need counselling but she definitely doesnt need "eh?" "Weird thread" "why didnt you just go down" or "Why anyone would lie rigid with shock for two hours just because some of the family had gone downstairs is beyond me" comments. It's because she felt shit and ostracized!

thank you @Whisky2014
It didn't help the fact when I came downstairs this morning dps Ds was kind of dancing ( goading) the fact I missed out .Again I didn't rise to it .

Ugh god how horrible.

Are there other things not great in this relationship? Are you happy in it generally?

I don't doubt the feeling is real OP but I think you need professional help to work out why.

Are you saying that your partner is deliberately gaslighting you? If so that is abusive and you probably should just leave the relationship and work on yourself.

How long have you been with him OP?

Tonight don't aim to make a big deal out of it just say nah not tired yet. You go on. If he chooses to try and wait you out then call him on it. Ask why you must always go up before him.
Why does he need 5 mins downstairs alone rather than upstairs alone.

Speaking honestly this is the kind of thing that would kill a relationship for me. Just because I really dislike being told what to do.

@Whisky2014
we've been together 2 years .Sometimes I think everything 's great , but then sometimes I can't put my finger on it , but then get told we're new we can sort out his out

we can sort this out

You’ve every right to feel Meh this morning! What a shitty way to treat your DP!

When he asked about your child being allowed down so as not to miss out, he should have asked if you were coming down too or if you were going to sleep.

Your P sounds very controlling! I know I like to have a few minutes to myself in the evening, so I go up to bed first.

Hmm 2 years isn't too long and shouldn't really have problems. I'd be inclined to bin him off.

it's not 1 of many problems though.Maybe I over think things .As a character Dp is easily led .He'd tell anyone who'd listen.It sometimes feels in situations that he has made a decision to leave , but then dss will step in & make him stay .I'm getting myself confused now

Two years is nothing. As you think his ds is deliberately trying to isolate or upset you I suggest you don't have him in your house any more. If your dh wants to spend time with him they can do it at his house.

Regarding the going to bed, you've had lots of good advice to get your started on that.

But ultimately it sounds like this is not the person for you.