woke up still feeling Meh about last night

[alistg]

Grr why when it comes to feelings I can't seem to let things go?.Last night my Dp was here with his older children .Mine turned up later in the evening.The night was led really by the children ,watching films going on their phones .So not a lot of interaction.My Dp had work this am .So as usually he wound everything down as in make anyone a last drink , tidy up .(He used to run a pub) .He herds everyone out of the kitchen also herds me up to bed .Which happened last night .So my ds is now also getting into bed it's late .I'm in the bathroom getting ready .I can hear his dss go back into the kitchen & start laughing with him .Then the noise is turned up a notch .To which my dp knocks on the bathroom door asking if my youngest can go back down as he doesn't want him miss out of the fun with his 2 .No mention of me .So last night I sat rigged to my bed for 2 hours ranging while they were all downstairs having a fun .Dp later came up stairs all smiling saying they all had a fun night .He asked then if I was alright .My reply was light of .I hoped this am my emotions would re align , but no here I am still raging .

@Thespace
Again .Thank you .You are right i do have an issue of not feeling included, but i usually just ride it out .

Sorry op but you sound very dramatic and immature. You were in shock over what?? I can't actually see what happened that was so shocking or upsetting. You could have gone downstairs and joined in but instead chose to sulk for two hours. Ridiculous.

Some weird shit happens in other people’s homes.

For those that are saying I should of gone back downstairs you are all right .,but it felt like .You know when you go on to the dance floor ,but then the music stops .What do you do?

All the posters picking on the 'in shock', you sound a bit pathetic. Plenty of posters use expressive language. This places is littered with 'RAGING' posters today - a change from last year's 'FUMING' ones. It gets the point across and your cheap shots at the OP make you look like knobs.

Just stop it.

No, OP, I can see you feel a bit left out from your subsequent posts, but I’m still slightly boggling at you ‘taking your DP’s lead’ as he ‘shut down the house for the night’? Is he always like this?

I'd feel a bit excluded too. You thought your dp would be up any minute so waited for him, all the time listening to them having far more fun in your absence than before you'd gone to bed. I think you have to let it go and be glad they get on well, but I understand why your miffed.

Sounds like heaven to me. I'd put Netflix on and snuggle in my bed, whilst dh cleaned the kitchen.

It's not your dp's fault that people came down and he had a laugh with them. Imagine them going down and him moan and argue with them, causing tension. He sounds rather nice, imo.

how ridiculous, did you want a written invitation?

But they were down there for 2 hours that was plenty of time
for you to
go down!! I would have went down but them im an adult so...

then*

I mean, are you afraid of him? What happens if you decline to be herded upstairs just because your DP decides the night is over?

I think it was actually nice that your DP came back up to ask if your son could come down too- and I also think that was clearly open to you as well. Although if they were clearing up etc he may have thought you’d appreciate a lazy bed time reading or watching tv. I’m not sure at all why you’ve made it into a big deal- and perhaps you trying to supppress difficult feelings is no longer working for you. Perhaps you need a safe space to talk about them if your feelings are bigger than the event that triggered them.
But gently I would also agree you are being unreasonable.

alistg, if you're still trying to hold it all in this morning, I wouldn't. I'd have a chat with my partner and tell him how I felt. At least he will then know how you feel and be in a position to reassure you.

You're not on your own either, I can remember as a kid, myself and my three brothers being sent to bed. My brothers would then get up for rough and tumble with our Mum and I'd be in bed. On one occasion I remember getting up and galloping down the stairs to join them - only to meet my brothers running up the stairs to bed. I felt miffed then too.

I don't really see how your dance floor comparison works. The music didn't stop. The night was winding down then it restarted. It seems like you made it into a bigger deal than it was and chose to exclude yourself from the festivities.

@Moonstoned
My Dp's always been like this ..Shutting the house down .He likes me to go up 1st . He then gets 5mins to himself ( likes to have me time ) before getting into bed .in the past i have mentioned how annoying this is to me .I'm not 12 .

I don't think you're being ridiculous. I think there's a dynamic at play whereby your dh calls the shots and you felt got rid of. Not a nice thing to feel.

Of course these events are often spontaneous and occur of their own volition so there may not be a slight involved here... but you are the one who's living this and you would know.

Hope you can have a reasonable discussion with your dh about it. X

Sounds very strange.

I would so resent someone who regularly 'winds down' a gathering at home without bothering to check the consensus. Weird and controlling.

Also if OP felt uncomfortable going downstairs in her own house, there would seem to be significant relationship issues that need addressing.

My Dp's always been like this ..Shutting the house down .He likes me to go up 1st . He then gets 5mins to himself ( likes to have me time ) before getting into bed .in the past i have mentioned how annoying this is to me .I'm not 12 .

This is ridiculous. If my oh did this I would laugh my absolute head off. Well
It just wouldn't happen. Nobody is packing me off anywhere in my own house.

You were “in shock”? Really? You sound a total drama queen tbh. YABU

I've got to confirm that I would not be herded to bed by 'dad' like that. I'd tell him to fuck off and there would be a row. There would be a row every time until he stopped fucking doing it.

Posted too soon.

Don't let him control when you go to bed!

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
wow you have so got me .That's exactly how i think all this has stemmed from .I am the youngest of 6 .When we were growing up my mum used to send us all to our rooms if we played her up .I would lie on my bed ( being the good girl) then after a short time hear all my siblings having a laugh downstairs, because they were braver then me .

I agree with @pictish.

Given this dynamic, where you are sent away, I would have done the same as you. This is very controlling behaviour in his part. Are there other ways he is controlling?