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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

woke up still feeling Meh about last night

200 replies

alistg · 27/12/2018 09:54

Grr why when it comes to feelings I can't seem to let things go?.Last night my Dp was here with his older children .Mine turned up later in the evening.The night was led really by the children ,watching films going on their phones .So not a lot of interaction.My Dp had work this am .So as usually he wound everything down as in make anyone a last drink , tidy up .(He used to run a pub) .He herds everyone out of the kitchen also herds me up to bed .Which happened last night .So my ds is now also getting into bed it's late .I'm in the bathroom getting ready .I can hear his dss go back into the kitchen & start laughing with him .Then the noise is turned up a notch .To which my dp knocks on the bathroom door asking if my youngest can go back down as he doesn't want him miss out of the fun with his 2 .No mention of me .So last night I sat rigged to my bed for 2 hours ranging while they were all downstairs having a fun .Dp later came up stairs all smiling saying they all had a fun night .He asked then if I was alright .My reply was light of .I hoped this am my emotions would re align , but no here I am still raging .

OP posts:
LL83 · 27/12/2018 10:13

How nice he wanted to make sure dc wasn't left out. Surely at this point you realised he wasn't coming up. Your choice to go down or not. He asked permission for dc to join, I wouldn't think he had to formally invite you.

SlowNorris · 27/12/2018 10:14

You were in shock for 2 hours?

FamilyOfAliens · 27/12/2018 10:15

I’m struggling with the idea of “shutting the house down” for the evening.

It all sounds a very strange setup but OP, if it makes you feel left out, talk to him and explain how you feel, otherwise it will never get better.

Lifeofsmiley · 27/12/2018 10:15

Were you expecting a written invitation op? I can’t understand why you would be in shock over this and still raging this morning. Such a no. Issue that wouldn’t even register that this was something to be bothered about

Original poster
alistg · 27/12/2018 10:17

thank you everyone, Why wouldn't I accept aibu ? if that's what the overall opinion is .I will get on with my day .Thank you again for nipping this one in the bud .

OP posts:
Biancadelriosback · 27/12/2018 10:17

......eh???

Jazzhan · 27/12/2018 10:17

You were in shock because your DP didn't go to bed? Weird thread.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/12/2018 10:17

Who the hell out your dh in charge? If he wants to go to bed early then it’s up to him. He can’t ‘wind down’ a house because it suits him.

And ffs why are you letting him dictate when you go to bed.

I’m not blaming you op, but you need to stand up for yourself

CandyCreeper · 27/12/2018 10:17

This is not abuse unless there is a massive drip feed which i expect there is going to be Hmm

Moonstoned · 27/12/2018 10:19

The weirdest bit of this is your DP ‘shutting the house down’ for the night — does he realise he’s not a pub landlord any more, and that people can stay up late if they like, it being Christmas and all?

OutragedERIC · 27/12/2018 10:22

The shock thing is a bit odd yes, but what’s odder to me is your DH herding people up to bed!

Unless you’re cattle, or all four years old you don’t need to be herded anywhere

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 27/12/2018 10:28

So how many of you were packed off upstairs? Seems a bit divisive to me. If you were welcome Dp would've come to find out where you were. It made you feel uncomfortable in your own home so I would call him on this fuckwittery.

SpikyHedgehogg · 27/12/2018 10:30

What upset me was the evening was really quiet .Until it went up a notch after i went upstairs

OP, this really does sound a miserable, lonely place to be in. I wonder if you're drawing some conclusions around people having fun when you're not there?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/12/2018 10:32

Is there more to this OP? Do you have anxiety?

Nanny0gg · 27/12/2018 10:34

But even if my DH is locking up for bed, I only go if I want to. I haven't been sent up to bed since I was about 12.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2018 10:36

I understood you OP. You felt minimised and got at because the evening had been quiet but the second part - when you'd gone to bed - sounded more fun. You think perhaps that you're not a fun person and that you're not interesting to be around hence the quietness of the evening prior.

I doubt it's any reflection on you at all; if anything, everybody got a second wind and your son enjoyed being up later perhaps, with some different company of the same sex, similar age.

I think the replies on your thread have been odd to say the least. Don't sweat it. Thanks

BlueJava · 27/12/2018 10:39

You didn't go down because you were rigged to the bed Is this some sort of physical restraint? because otherwise you could have walked down the stairs!

Thespace · 27/12/2018 10:39

I can see why you were hurt. The fun started when you were sent out of the way. Yes you could have gone back down but you weren’t to know how long they would be. It sounds like you were not included.

Ilikeknitting · 27/12/2018 10:42

I’m sorry love, but you’re a grown woman! If you’re going to wait for an invite to your own house, you’ll have a long wait.

LagunaBubbles · 27/12/2018 10:45

Why were you in "shock"? Confused

Ethel36 · 27/12/2018 10:47

You should have gone back downstairs..

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 27/12/2018 10:47

This is strange. You could easily have walked down the stairs. You're talking about the" the evening"like it was a special event. When it was just a night in your own house with family. You don't need to be told when to go to bed and when you can go downstairs.

HolesinTheSoles · 27/12/2018 10:50

I can see why he'd ask you to tell DS to come down (otherwise DS would have gone to bed and missed out) but he;s not going to specifically tell you to come down as you're an adult you know they're down there and can decide for yourself.

Original poster
alistg · 27/12/2018 10:52

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
yes that's exactly it .Thank you .I've tried to suppress how i'm feeling this morning.

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 27/12/2018 10:53

'in shock'? Really?

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