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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be RAGING at my BF's selfish brother - Christmas completely ruined because of him.

351 replies

SeenYourFaceAThousandTimes · 26/12/2018 17:49

For context: Last year my BF got the following for his brother for Christmas:

A nice jumper from River Island
One of those red letter experience thingies (that he didn't even end up using!)
Aftershave
Bottle of champagne
and something else that I can't remember but it was nice.

This is what we got back:

Roses chocolate (a small box)

I don't even fucking like Roses apart form the strawberry ones. I told BF after that we are not going to buy anything for his brother anymore because he is just ungrateful and we don't get the same level of presents back. He said okay. But little did I know...

Cut to this year. Without my knowledge he bought his brother:

An Amazon Echo spot
A personalised license plate
Some Game of Thrones stuff (not the DVDs but I didn't quite see what it was exactly)
A really nice scarf (that I actually said I liked myself when we were out shopping a couple of weeks ago)
A dash cam for his car.

He came round today and we swapped presents and surprise sur-fucking-prise, what do we get? Another box of Roses. I didn't even bother to say thank you (YES, I know that part was a bit rude but I felt like I shouldn't have to pretend to be pleased and grateful when I was fuming) and after he left I chucked them straight in the bin and my BF shouted at me and told me I was really rude and ungrateful - which is LAUGHABLE considering his brother is the ungrateful one. He said it was nothing to do with me but I said that we are a couple and if he is being taken advantage of then so am I. On top of the shit, meaningless and thoughtless last-minute present he got us he then asked my BF if he could borrow some money off him to go out later tonight. AND MY BF GAVE £80 TO HIM. W. T. F?

We got into an argument about it and he has now stormed out (probably to borrow his brother more money, no doubt) even though we were supposed to be staying in tonight and chill out. I haven't phoned him to ask where he is even though I want to but he probably will shout at me more or just not answer. I made a thread about this before and was told IWBU but if all the above happened to you would you not think BFs brother was taking the absolute piss out of us? BF can't see it, I keep asking him why he just can't see what he's like but he just won't listen/refuses to believe it. I feel like Christmas has been completely ruined now because of him when yesterday was so nice but that part won't be remembered because of today's antics. Would IBU to say to BF when he gets back that his brother is absolutely not getting anything from us for next Christmas (or just chcolcates like he gets us) and nothing for his birthday either until he learns to put thought and care into presents like my BF does his and there will be NO exception to this next year? He is an absolute walkover I think

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 17:51

I don’t think he’s a walkover, I think you want him to be and now he’s bitten back you’re not happy.

He knows his brother is a prick, it’s up to him how he engages with him. Why you made such a fuss is beyond me.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2018 17:51

What your boyfriend buys for his brother is none of your business. Same goes for giving him money. You sound horribly controlling.

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 17:53

Yabu to get involved. You don't own your bf.

CottonTailRabbit · 26/12/2018 17:54

I couldn't date someone who was that much of a walkover.

StartingGrid · 26/12/2018 17:54

What the age difference between them and what do they both do for work? Are their parents stil around?

JudasPrudy · 26/12/2018 17:54

You ruined your own Christmas by being angry about this.

Somerford · 26/12/2018 17:55

You owe your boyfriend a huge apology. Awful behaviour.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/12/2018 17:56

With the proviso that bf isn't spending your money and that he is meeting any joint expenses the two of you have, it's none of your business what he spends on his brother.

And you were rude to throw his gift away.

boomboo · 26/12/2018 17:56

What's the age of the brother

Subtlecheese · 26/12/2018 17:56

Surely this is a reverse? It sounds like his brother cannot afford to be as extravagant / doesn't show affection with a pile of stuff. Whatever. It's none of your business and YOU don't get to throw away someone else's gift nor decide what your partner spends his own money on. You should probably find someone more content with your controlling materialism

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/12/2018 17:57

Is his brother in a financial position to buy the same level of presents?

Maybe he can't afford it?

I don't buy gifts thinking about what I might get in return - I understand that people cannot always afford to buy. Doesn't matter to me - I would still buy for them.

You don't sound very nice tbh.

ExFury · 26/12/2018 17:57

You’re not unreasonable to tell your BF you think his brother is rude.

You are unreasonable to tell him he isn’t allowed to buy him anything for Christmas.

It’s his money and his brother. It’s up to him to draw the lines.

Patroclus · 26/12/2018 17:57

Do you sit there with a notepad marking off the presents? some people really arnt invested as others in the whole tedious expensive balls.

FlyingElbows · 26/12/2018 17:57

I see you've paid absolutely no attention to the replies you got to your last over-dramatic version of this story.

MrsKCastle · 26/12/2018 17:57

Maybe your BF sees Christmas as a time to enjoy spoiling the people he loves? Maybe he enjoys picking out nice gifts for his brother? If he can afford to buy his brother those things without impacting on you as a couple, then it's none of your business.

WhatsUpHun · 26/12/2018 17:57

so your BF spent rough estimate about £400+?

his brother is taking the piss out of his brother, not you - unless... you have shared finances?

JennyHolzersGhost · 26/12/2018 17:59

Do you have shared finances ? If not, what business is it of yours ?

HarrySnotter · 26/12/2018 17:59

Do you and your boyfriend live together? Do you have joint finances?

If not, it really is none of your business what he spends on his brother is it? You threw the chocolates in the bin for drama and you got it. His brother sounds like a twat, absolutely, but you are not your boyfriends mum.

madroid · 26/12/2018 17:59

You should give presents as gifts not as an exchange dependent on what you are going to get back.

Your bf sounds lovely and if I were you I'd think he was a keeper and be proud of his lovely generous forbearance with his brother.

Try to support him OP, he must be aware of the inequality and perhaps deep down feel hurt. But of course can't show it if you're kicking off and putting him on the defensive.

Have you ever wondered why he's so patient with his brother?

Singlenotsingle · 26/12/2018 17:59

So is it bf's own money he's spending,OP? Or joint money?

steff13 · 26/12/2018 18:00

Without my knowledge he bought his brother:

Did he use your money to buy the gifts? Did he LEND your money to his brother? I'm not sure why it's your business.

clockworklime · 26/12/2018 18:00

You ruined your own Christmas. Good grief, what a fucking drama.

Janleverton · 26/12/2018 18:00

Whose money is being spent here? Do you and your boyfriend have joint finances? If not, then is NONE of your business.

Cranky17 · 26/12/2018 18:00

You sound very controlling, you can’t tell him what to do all the time. You almost sound hysterical. You need to calm down. Unless there’s some massive back story where you Stef thousands in debt you are being very unreasonable.
Stop trying to control your bf and say sorry.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/12/2018 18:00

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