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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be RAGING at my BF's selfish brother - Christmas completely ruined because of him.

351 replies

SeenYourFaceAThousandTimes · 26/12/2018 17:49

For context: Last year my BF got the following for his brother for Christmas:

A nice jumper from River Island
One of those red letter experience thingies (that he didn't even end up using!)
Aftershave
Bottle of champagne
and something else that I can't remember but it was nice.

This is what we got back:

Roses chocolate (a small box)

I don't even fucking like Roses apart form the strawberry ones. I told BF after that we are not going to buy anything for his brother anymore because he is just ungrateful and we don't get the same level of presents back. He said okay. But little did I know...

Cut to this year. Without my knowledge he bought his brother:

An Amazon Echo spot
A personalised license plate
Some Game of Thrones stuff (not the DVDs but I didn't quite see what it was exactly)
A really nice scarf (that I actually said I liked myself when we were out shopping a couple of weeks ago)
A dash cam for his car.

He came round today and we swapped presents and surprise sur-fucking-prise, what do we get? Another box of Roses. I didn't even bother to say thank you (YES, I know that part was a bit rude but I felt like I shouldn't have to pretend to be pleased and grateful when I was fuming) and after he left I chucked them straight in the bin and my BF shouted at me and told me I was really rude and ungrateful - which is LAUGHABLE considering his brother is the ungrateful one. He said it was nothing to do with me but I said that we are a couple and if he is being taken advantage of then so am I. On top of the shit, meaningless and thoughtless last-minute present he got us he then asked my BF if he could borrow some money off him to go out later tonight. AND MY BF GAVE £80 TO HIM. W. T. F?

We got into an argument about it and he has now stormed out (probably to borrow his brother more money, no doubt) even though we were supposed to be staying in tonight and chill out. I haven't phoned him to ask where he is even though I want to but he probably will shout at me more or just not answer. I made a thread about this before and was told IWBU but if all the above happened to you would you not think BFs brother was taking the absolute piss out of us? BF can't see it, I keep asking him why he just can't see what he's like but he just won't listen/refuses to believe it. I feel like Christmas has been completely ruined now because of him when yesterday was so nice but that part won't be remembered because of today's antics. Would IBU to say to BF when he gets back that his brother is absolutely not getting anything from us for next Christmas (or just chcolcates like he gets us) and nothing for his birthday either until he learns to put thought and care into presents like my BF does his and there will be NO exception to this next year? He is an absolute walkover I think

OP posts:
selepele · 28/12/2018 04:41

Maybe he cannot afford to get anything else or is in debt which is why he is asking for money

I wouldn’t be angry over this most my family didn’t get me presents but I got them and it’s because I know they cannot afford it or aren’t working I didn’t care

DistanceCall · 28/12/2018 06:43

It desn't affect me directly but it is sort of my business as I'm with him and he is getting taken advantage of.

It really isn't. It's HIS money. HIS brother. And perhaps he doesn't think that he's being taken advantage of, but is just happy to treat his brother.

You can tell him what your opinion of the situation is, of course, but that's it. The decision is his, not yours. Learn to respect boundaries, for fuck's sake.

todayiwin · 28/12/2018 07:07

@SeenYourFaceAThousandTimes no as I don't give to receive. You sound the kind of person I would never be friends with.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/12/2018 07:13

Your bf's brother sounds like such a loser, I really don't blame you for being frustrated at your bf's attitude towards him. Sometimes people have weird blind spots I guess. I'm sorry you feel Christmas was completely ruined by this row.

As for the people calling op a cunt on this thread ... grow the fuck up! Or are you actually the type of keyboard warrior that schools are warning their Y5s and 6s about?

DistanceCall · 28/12/2018 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pinkwoman · 28/12/2018 13:27

I'd have been laughing with the bf about this, not raging

Drogosnextwife · 28/12/2018 13:52

Your diva behaviour is hillarious. Someone sounds jealous 😂

Drogosnextwife · 28/12/2018 14:04

Also it may not have been a present for both of you, you put no money in to purchase the present for dps db so you had no right to chuck it away.

Claudia1980 · 28/12/2018 14:52

He is taking the piss but unless you and BF have shared finances then it’s none of your business

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/12/2018 15:20

@DistanceCall - I'm not interested in searching for posters' previous threads when I comment on another thread thanks. Besides which I think, quite rightly, that HQ take a dim view of extreme name calling in general. You can disagree very strongly with what op has posted without calling him a cunt and encouraging other posters to do the same. It reduces Mnet to playground level.

DistanceCall · 28/12/2018 16:24

bibbitybobbityyhat Right. The point is that many of us DO remember the OP from his previous thread.

And if you don't tolerate swearing, I suggest that MN may not be the forum for you.

DistanceCall · 28/12/2018 16:27

Oh, and bibbitybobbityyhat, of course you don't have to look at posters' previous history. But MN HQ decide what's acceptable name calling and what isn't, eh? Some of us don't clutch our pearls when genitalia are mentioned.

(Also, I have no idea how I "encouraged other posters" to say anything).

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/12/2018 16:59

@DistanceCall I've been on Mumsnet since 2006 and am fine with swearing. I do it quite a bit myself. I think directly calling someone a cunt goes beyond what is ok on social media (even though we are all adults yada yada) and if calling someone a cunt doesn't constitute a personal attack I'm not sure what does?

DistanceCall · 28/12/2018 17:17

bibbitybobbityyhat

I think directly calling someone a cunt goes beyond what is ok on social media (even though we are all adults yada yada)

Well, I disagree.

and if calling someone a cunt doesn't constitute a personal attack I'm not sure what does?

That's because it IS a personal attack. Your point is?

ItWasntMeItWasIm · 28/12/2018 18:04

Charlie1987x that's the first ever post I've had deleted and I've been here since 2003 😂

I didn't even call anyone a cunt Grin

longwayoff · 28/12/2018 18:25

Face, you are extreme. Really. Take heed. People don't put up with this kiddy tantrum stuff forever. You'll do this once too often and be surprised by the result. So instead of paying attention to the finances of BF and brother, attend to your own and ensure you have enough savings to take care of yourself when you need to.

Gth1234 · 28/12/2018 18:30

perhaps your bf is loaded, and his brother isn't.

CoughLaughFart · 28/12/2018 18:31

I'm not interested in searching for posters' previous threads when I comment on another thread thanks.

Fine - but you can’t criticise others for looking at the pattern.

Original poster
SeenYourFaceAThousandTimes · 28/12/2018 19:25

FYi I didn’t flag anybody’s posts that got removed. You can call me a cunt all day long. I don’t care or mind.0

@bibbitybobbityyhat THANK YOU! Even though in hindsight I feel like I did act badly at least someone knows where I’m coming from. It is a blind spot where he can do no wrong and I just don’t understand why he can’t see how unfair it is.

And for the last time: can people stop mentioning the phone incident which happened once and I apologised for after it happened?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/12/2018 19:40

@DistanceCall - because personal attacks are against Mumsnet's talk guidelines. Perhaps you've never looked at them? All web hosts seem to have them. We can argue all day long if you like about whether the moderation on Mumsnet is too Mumsy or not rigorous enough. But calling someone a cunt is not acceptable to HQ and so your post will be deleted if someone reports it. Also, it makes you sound like a 13 year old.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 28/12/2018 19:42

@CoughLaughFart - where am I criticising anyone for looking at a posters' posting history?

Flowerpot2005 · 28/12/2018 19:46

OP seriously, you need to let this go.

This isn't about you, it's about two brothers who must be left to resolve their differences in their own way. They will do that in time, with the least destruction.

What you're doing is trying to force your partner to deal with an issue that he is currently happy with & you aren't. The only loser in that scenario will be you OP.

CrimpBrunette · 28/12/2018 20:07

Who exactly is it unfair on? Surely fairness is subjective and your BF clearly doesn't see it as unfair. So where is the problem? When I was younger my older brother helped me out financially, I've in turn reciprocated over the years - because he's family and family help each other out and do things for each other and often tend not to expect anything back. Ffs I read your previous posts and they really wind me up, I don't get what on earth your issue is.

longwayoff · 28/12/2018 20:45

Apparently the issue is cheap chocolate. I received a small box of chocs at xmas that cost £20. Imo there arent any chocs worth £2 each. Didn't throw them in the bin but found the extravagance hard to take so have put them in the fridge and glanced at them a few times. Should I have a mega strop over cost bearing in mind I didnt pay for them? What would you recommend OP?

CarrieBlu · 28/12/2018 20:53

I remember your previous thread. You were unreasonable then, and you’re being unreasonable now. It’s not your business how your boyfriend spends his money and it’s not your business if he chooses to treat his brother. Stop being so controlling.