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AIBU?

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Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
IdaBWells · 28/12/2018 04:22

Being able to drive also meant she was able to get a summer job and also volunteer at an inner city hospital (she didn’t drive all the way into the city but was able to drive to her supervisors home and car pool - or share a ride). Driving immediately gave her access to a lot more opportunities if she was willing to take them. I was also very ill this year and she could do a big grocery shop with her sister and get it home because she could drive.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/12/2018 04:26

I'm still baffled by the people (as mentioned by PPs) who have a driving licence, a taxed and insured car outside their house, but never or very rarely drive it (and either live alone or nobody else in the household can/does use it), preferring to cadge lifts off others.

Why do they go to the hassle and expense of keeping it? Why don't they sell it and use the money for something they DO want to use?

Most interestingly, what excuses do they give to the people from whom they request lifts - and (advancing age and/or worsening health notwithstanding), why do those people continue to enable them instead of just giving them a Paddington stare and asking why ever they don't just drive themselves in their own car?!

Aren't they deeply embarrassed to call friends and family to ask for a lift when they have a perfectly usable car right there on the drive?!

poppoppop100 · 28/12/2018 04:50

I think the main reason people are afraid of driving somewhere new is the aggression of so many drivers who don't make allowances for people who may take a millisecond longer than the locals.i suspect the aggressive drivers are the same people decrying them as being pathetic for not wanting to try new places

Butteredghost · 28/12/2018 05:19

Oh dear this is a tough one. In many ways I really admire people who don't drive or have a car - it's great for the environment, and can be good for health and finances too. I feel sick when I see for example a family of 4 people who own 6 cars.

But choosing not to drive does come with sacrifices and some people really take the piss when it comes to lifts. And you can't "just say no" because they wheedle their way to a lift with "oh come on you're going there anyway" "it won't take long" etc.

On Mn on these threads, 95% of non drivers say they never ask for lifts or help. In RL though I find it's more like 30% of non drivers fit in to this category.

primoestate · 28/12/2018 05:50

Every non driver I know wants lifts. Some can drive but choose not to. If there's any mention of, for instance, I'm going grocery shopping later, the non-drivers say 'oh, I'll come with you, what time?'
Argh! I don't want you with me today, I don't want to plan a time and I also don't want to be mean and say no.
So, off I go, I take them. Then when we get there it's always extra things like "I'll just pop to the post office whilst we are here"..............Hmm
Then when I take them home to their doorstep I help take their shopping in.
No one helps me!!!
The non-drivers have no idea me (or my other driving friends) feel like this.
But we do!!!!
We are just too kind/polite to say otherwise.

Picnictime · 28/12/2018 06:12

My mother is like this.
'I don't need to learn to drive'... And makes everyone drive her.

The worst is when you invite her somewhere and she says 'and how exactly am I mean to get there' in a real tone as though I'm stupid. Or 'the bus takes 40 minutes', yes! And a car takes me 40 minutes, 20 to get to you and 20 to get back.

Non drivers who ask for lifts have no idea at all. To top it off, you are the arse if you don't give them a lift!!!

SuperMumTum · 28/12/2018 06:13

I hardly know any non drivers. I have a couple of cousins in their 30s who haven't learned and one or two friends now in their 40s who learned and passed a test but hated driving so have never done so since. None of them ever expect lifts and are appreciative when they are offered. Who are all these entitled people that you all know?

Picnictime · 28/12/2018 06:22

The gratitude of giving a non driver a lift compared to a driver just highlights my point (I have 3 non-drivers in close family/friends)
Driver:
'Are you sure? Honestly, we can take a cab/bus? That's so so kind, thank you. Would you like any petrol/parking money'
Non-driver:
'Thanks' if I'm lucky to even get that

treaclesoda · 28/12/2018 06:32

picnic I'd agree. I have never had a non driver offer me money for petrol, or to pay the car parking charge, even the ones who thought nothing of asking me to drive 30 miles out of my way to give them a lift somewhere.

BMW6 · 28/12/2018 06:34

picnic time
Your mother is an arse. When she asks how am I meant to get there, why not suggest a taxi?

WitsEnding · 28/12/2018 06:36

YABU to generalise. Just say no. Don't offer - at least at this time of year, I find an offer is aimed at forcing me to accept an invitation I'd rather decline, leaving me with no way of making an exit. "How am I supposed to get there?" is an excellent excuse.

Picnictime · 28/12/2018 06:39

@BMW because then I'm the arse!!!

CoughLaughFart · 28/12/2018 09:17

Genuine question for those who insist that public transport is every bit as convenient as driving: Do you still find this to be the case with holidays? How do you manage? Do you never rent a cottage or other accommodation outside of a large conurbation, go camping (with anything more than a big rucksack) or go touring or travelling except for organised coach tours?
It’s not that I or other non-drivers don’t get this. Of course being able to drive makes remote places more accessible. Realistically though, how often do most of us get to go on holiday? Twice, maybe three times a year? There are THOUSANDS of places you can go that don’t require a car. Why get hung up on the ones you can’t visit when you can enjoy seeing the ones you can? It would take a LOT of holidays to run out of accessible places (and that’s without even considering the fact that I might want to go back to places I’ve really liked).

Also on a purely personal level, the idea of going camping makes me want to shoot myself in the face Grin

JacquesHammer · 28/12/2018 09:21

Do you still find this to be the case with holidays? How do you manage? Do you never rent a cottage or other accommodation outside of a large conurbation, go camping (with anything more than a big rucksack) or go touring or travelling except for organised coach tours?

I’m laughing at the idea of my bf on a coach tour Grin

Trains then taxis. Perfectly simple. Planes to further afield then taxis or hired drivers.

Also on a purely personal level, the idea of going camping makes me want to shoot myself in the face

I’m a driver and would rather never holiday again than go camping Grin

53rdWay · 28/12/2018 09:24

Why on Earth are you carrying other people’s shopping in for them? Just say no to taking them in the first place. Who cares if piss-takers think you’re mean, they’re piss-takers!

As a non-driver I find people get really really pushy about offering lifts. I can only assume that they hear “No, thanks, I’m walking/getting the bus/train/taxi” as a passive-aggressive wheedle for a lift, because they couldn’t imagine anything worse than walking or getting public transport themselves. It gets wearying and it is hard to separate out “no really it’s no trouble I’m going that way anyway” from “this is a massive inconvenience to me and I will grumble about it afterwards”. But it is good practice in saying No.

his excited suggestion was Poole harbor his words "it's nice there"... yeah great if you don't have to drive for six hours to get there.

Poole has a train station, maybe that’s what he was suggesting given he doesn’t drive himself?

TurkeySandwichAnyone · 28/12/2018 09:25

I have done my two best walking holidays ever using railways and an occasional bus in the UK. One was in the Cotswolds the other North Wales.

It does take more organisation.

TurkeySandwichAnyone · 28/12/2018 09:26

No camping is a positive in my book.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2018 09:28

My son who is 36 won't learn how to drive, it drives me potty. If he didn't live so far away I'd make him get a provisional license and drive me everywhere until he passed his test.
As it is his girlfriend drives everywhere.

Heatherjayne1972 · 28/12/2018 09:34

There’s no excuse for only driving on familiar roads - Get a sat nav
Even my friend with severe anxiety issues can drive to a ‘new’ place now

ElspethFlashman · 28/12/2018 09:38

On Mn on these threads, 95% of non drivers say they never ask for lifts or help

Yeah, and the 5% hotly insist it was only that one time when their leg was literally falling off, otherwise they would NEVER. The cheek of suggesting they get lifts! Grin

Also, absolutely everyone who doesn't drive lives in London. There is not one single non-driver on here in a remote area, poorly served by taxis or buses. And in London you'd be stone mad to have a car! There is no earthly use for such a thing and never will be!

JacquesHammer · 28/12/2018 09:40

Also, absolutely everyone who doesn't drive lives in London. There is not one single non-driver on here in a remote area, poorly served by taxis or buses

Last time I checked he didn’t. I will however take a closer look at my surroundings last time I visit Grin

53rdWay · 28/12/2018 09:44

There is not one single non-driver on here in a remote area, poorly served by taxis or buses.

Perhaps, and I know this is a crazy out-there idea but just bear with me, perhaps those of us who don’t drive don’t choose to live in places that are poorly-served by taxis and buses? Because that would make it a bloody pain to get anywhere?

I don’t ask for lifts. I have no idea why drivers find this so hard to believe - perhaps if you drive it’s so impossible to imagine alternative methods of transport that you can only ever picture us standing at the front door looking worried any time we need to get anywhere? - but, there it is. And I know I’m one of the ‘good’ ones having medical reasons for not driving, but I don’t typically go into my medical history every time the subject of driving comes up so you wouldn’t know the difference anyway unless you knew me pretty well.

ElspethFlashman · 28/12/2018 09:49

My poor non driving friend, in Zone 2, has gotten away with it for 20 years but now that there's a child who wants to go on playdates etc and whinges being dragged from busstop to busstop to tube, she's starting to panic a bit. And the husband is starting to get annoyed he has to do all the driving on holiday.

She still hasn't booked lessons, but now all I'm hearing is that she has to start driving. So even in London it's not perfect apparently.

TurkeySandwichAnyone · 28/12/2018 09:50

I've refused to move to rural areas despite my DH pushing for it on occasion. My basic requirement has always been a train station.

gamerwidow · 28/12/2018 09:52

No one should have to drive if they don’t want to. If you live somewhere well served by public transport then you do not need to.
Equally you do not have to give people lifts if you don’t want to. Next time say no I’m not driving and then you can have a drink too.
I’m not a confident driver and I don’t like going onto the motorway. I made plans to get the train to my sisters for Christmas Eve which is an easy cheap 20 minute journey that I was perfectly happy to make. She made such a fuss about how I should not be so stupid and just drive and then came to pick me up and then moaned about how I wouldn’t drive even though I DID NOT WANT TO BE DRIVEN.
Some people just can’t get their heads around not being glued to their car.