Adults who won't drive

[Homethroughthepuddles]

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

I made plans to get the train to my sisters for Christmas Eve which is an easy cheap 20 minute journey that I was perfectly happy to make. She made such a fuss about how I should not be so stupid and just drive and then came to pick me up and then moaned about how I wouldn’t drive even though I DID NOT WANT TO BE DRIVEN.

Wouldn’t it have been better to just say-‘see you at 4pm xmas eve!’ and not discussed how you were getting there?

A friend of mine who drives has moved to Stonham Aspall in suffolk with his OH who doesnt drive and does not want to drive , they previously lived in Harlow

That’s very specific-I hope they don’t recognise themselves!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll. Holidays as a non-driver take a bit more planning, that's all.

We only travel with hand luggage anyway. That wouldn't change if we had a car. 2 rucksacks of the correct size and a pull along of the correct size does us for over a week.

We didn't tend to travel with a pram as I used a carrier 99% of the time.

You actually get to see so much more when you're using public transport either in this country or abroad. Some countries are better set up for it though eg Maderia was difficult and we'd have to think more carefully about it if we went again. However we travelled throughout Italy extensively without a car and had no issues.

We used to go camping, we had a tent and sleeping bag designed to be carried. Expensive admittedly and we had to pack carefully. We haven't been since we had son though so I can't comment on how easy that would be.

You have to assume the trains will be late and get the trains accordingly. But I guess that's the same with having to account for delays on the roads. It can involve earlier starts due to train time restrictions. We've occassionally had to arrive the day before necessary and stay somewhere overnight due to times.

It's not much fun waiting in a station for a cancelled train. However I guess it's not much fun being stuck in non-moving traffic after an accident either. I suppose a car might be more comfortable but people do seem to find that very stressful whereas with a train delay and you just get a coffee and settle in.

On the one occasion where the a train cancellation was a big deal (I can't remember why but son was a few months old which helped our case) we kicked up a fuss and they sorted a taxi for us.

Unpleasant train journeys eg no seats/too hot/unpleasant people happen obviously but there are worse things.

There has been the odd job, I've liked the look of but not been able to apply for because a car was necessary and by necessary, I mean actually needed because you travel. I'd love to be an area manager for somewhere like the national trust but obviously that would involve a lot of travel and public transport wouldn't be practical. However the amount of times a job says a car is required but there is zero travel is crazy. I'm currently a project manager (some travel required) and a bus does the job quite nicely because of the area I cover.

I would hate to be reliant on a car. Sure, transport links influenced where we chose to live (we couldn't live in the middle of nowhere) but that means we don't have to worry about how we'll get home after a drink or paying for parking at work, or even finding parking by our house. It also means that if the car is out of action it doesn't matter, life won't stop.

Someone called car drivers unimaginative. I wouldn't go that far but I have seen plenty go into panic mode and think they will need to stay in the house and can't go anywhere if their car has died. There are plenty of car drivers who seem amazed that we can go on holiday without a car. They just don't understand how you could do anything without a car.

@Donkdonkgoo I don't understand what you are moaning about. He made a suggestion that involved a 6 hour drive. He probably made it without thinking about how to get there. Car drivers do that all the time. Presumably you all said no so what's the big deal? And actually, I don't think an afternoon of travel to go away for a weekend is that big a deal anyway.

I'm loving the assumptions and generalisations about non-drivers. 😏

I reckon in the not so distant future there will be financial and other restrictions placed on cars that will limit their use anyway. The current car use is not sustainable.

@billysboy if they have no idea you can't then moan about it. Tell them. Rightly or wrongly if people keep giving them lifts, they'll assume it's OK.

Honestly, the amount of drivers moaning about how put upon they are but don't say anything or take steps to change that...

"A friend of mine who drives has moved to Stonham Aspall in suffolk with his OH who doesnt drive and does not want to drive , they previously lived in Harlow that was well served with local shops etc and transport links

She still has no intention of driving and has no idea of the burden it puts on my friend and her immediate family

Really selfish in my opinion and my friend is so kind hearted and generous he has just put up with it"

And she's put a gun to his back to force him to move, has she?

"Being old doesn't automatically oblige other people to drop everything to ferry you around."

No it doesn't 'oblige' people to do anything, but most people would not sit back and watch their elderly mother struggle back from the shops with a heavy bag of groceries, or trek across town on two buses each way. Well, decent people anyway.

"On Mn on these threads, 95% of non drivers say they never ask for lifts or help."

Just like 100% of drivers are poor downtrodden souls that simply cannot refuse a request for a lift because they'll either be a) guilt tripped into it, or b) their selfless, charitable conscience simply will not allow them to?

When I was much younger, poorer and more easily swayed, I took a bar job in addition to my day job, So obviously I would be working long hours before having to get up early again, several nights in a row.

The pub was an 8 minute drive along a straight fast road, dead easy. I could be in bed 15mins after starting my car.

Until Ms PA (not so passive actually) basically railroaded me into giving her lifts home which was in roughly the same direction, but on a crappy road, speed bumps and the possibility that a shortcut back to my flat would be shut (it was through a small business park thing with gates at one end).

She would basically lie in wait until I said my goodbyes and then jump up and ask if i could possibly drop her too pleaeeease, as its on your way?, so to refuse would make me look uber-bitch.

Fuck off M you thieving bitch (we all know you stole S's cash).

I have a car and am happy to drive. However I try to avoid driving where public transport /cycling/walking would do instead. People are very strange about trying to force me to take lifts. Bearing in mind that I could easily drive myself if I wanted to so it's not as though I need a lift at all. I have got into some ridiculous arguments with well meaning people who just can't accept that I prefer a 7 minute train journey plus 10 minute walk to being stuck in their stuffy car for 20 mins.
I hate accepting lifts and wouldn't offer unless the person is obviously in need, or it is on my way. It costs well over 1000 per year to keep a car on the road, not including fuel. So I don't feel that people getting taxis are hard done by. If they are old/disabled that is different. I also find that people never offer petrol money. I used to drive to a regular work meeting which cost 9 pounds due to a toll and fuel. Obviously not including overheads of owning a car. No one ever offered anything towards the cost. I stopped doing it and went by bike/train instead for a cost of 3.20. The others didn't have bikes but that was not my problem. In another case family members suggested I pick them up and take them to a local attraction. No problem but turned out they did not have a car seat for the 2 year old. They were very surprised when I decided against taking them.

I reckon I'll try to get back behind the wheel when DD is older and wanting to go further afield. I'm an anxious driver but the thought of taking a toddler on a bus scares me more.

I can relate to the aggressive drivers comments. When walking into town you always see cars going a little slow maybe because they are looking for somewhere and other cars going apeshit and sounding the horn. Puts me right off.

I do a lot of driving of elderly relatives. I would hate to think my non driving sibling was going around calling me a martyr and saying my mum could just take a taxi and some of the other unpleasant stuff that has been posted on this thread.

I am glad to help out elderly relatives, and don't grudge them the lifts or the time, but it would definitely be much easier if my sibling could also drive and was sometimes able to take a turn.

Genuine question for those who insist that public transport is every bit as convenient as driving: Do you still find this to be the case with holidays

Very reliant on the car generally (though we live close to town so generally walk in unless getting something heavy or awkward to carry and both commute to work by train (walk to station)), but too scared to drive on the "wrong" side of the road so all our holidays overseas have been to places where we can use public transport. For example, city breaks e or Lake Garda with trains and ferries. Also, though not the wrong side of the road, we stopped taking our car to the Channel Islands and started flying over and buying a bus pass. Although we have hung around bus stops for quite a long time at times but it doesn't really matter if you are on holiday and it's a nice day.

For touring Scotland or Ireland you really need a car although I am sure someone will come on here and say you can do it by bus. I'd rather have the freedom of my own timetable though.

As a non-driver I find people get really really pushy about offering lifts. I can only assume that they hear “No, thanks, I’m walking/getting the bus/train/taxi” as a passive-aggressive wheedle for a lift, because they couldn’t imagine anything worse than walking or getting public transport themselves.

I find this is often my experience too. I think it comes from a good place - it’s just that people are so reliant on their cars that the idea of making any journey without one seems like a horrendous inconvenience. They make assumptions about how much longer the journey will take, when actually it’s much easier than they’d expect. I’ve been offered lifts to places where I know there is no free parking, meaning there is an additional cost involved that I obviously wouldn’t expect the driver to pay - yet if I’d used the bus pass I’d already paid for there would have been no extra cost for me and no extra journey for the driver!

I do wonder how all these people living in rural areas with no transport, who are complaining about being the only ones who ‘ferry around’ their elderly relatives (why is it always ‘ferry around’ on MN?), will cope when they themselves are elderly. They may reach a stage where it’s unsafe to drive themselves. What if their own children choose not to drive, or move away? What if they don’t have children at all? The much-vaunted independence their car gives them will be gone then. Contrast that with my grandfather, who never drove, yet was still happily catching the bus on his own well into his eighties because he liked not having to rely on anyone else.

For touring Scotland or Ireland you really need a car although I am sure someone will come on here and say you can do it by bus. I'd rather have the freedom of my own timetable though

For sure, but not everyone appreciates that type of holiday.

Also on a purely personal level, the idea of going camping makes me want to shoot myself in the face

I’m a driver and would rather never holiday again than go camping

No camping is a positive in my book.

I was trying to be inclusive and think about what options other people might want to choose, but I 100% agree with you all here about the camping! I absolutely hate it and would never go again. Caravanning, on the other hand, I really enjoy – but it’s more than a little difficult to hitch your caravan up to a train or bus

I think the main reason people are afraid of driving somewhere new is the aggression of so many drivers who don't make allowances for people who may take a millisecond longer than the locals.i suspect the aggressive drivers are the same people decrying them as being pathetic for not wanting to try new places.

I use my car for driving to work (20 mile trip each way), or local areas I know. I also do not drive on the motorway.
I’d rather drive at 30mph thanks, where I feel in control rather than volume/speed of the motorway.

And having a Sat Nav doesn’t make every driver feel any less anxious, either, thanks, to whoever suggested that.

For touring Scotland or Ireland you really need a car

Can't speak for Ireland but you can see a lot of Scotland via the rail/ferry network (not all of it obviously but a big chunk). We've done a lot of family holidays in different parts of rural Scotland that way.

also for the people I know who have taken the car on holidays round the islands, their timetable was more restricted than ours as pedestrian passengers - they had to book a slot on every ferry in advance, we could just turn up.

It's actually easier to drive slowly on the motorway because cars can pass you out with little bother.
It's far more intimidating to be driving down a narrow country road and have some bellend up your arse because you're not tearing around narrow turns at 100mph.

Meant to put ^this at the bottom of the bold paragraph.

For touring Scotland or Ireland you really need a car although I am sure someone will come on here and say you can do it by bus

Can speak for Ireland. I mean I guess you can theoretically do it, but you wouldn't want to, put it that way.

Some people just can’t get their heads around not being glued to their car.

Members of my family are in this category. Simply unable to comprehend that I simply don’t want a car. My parents have even tried to ‘donate’ old cars to me (at a reduced price) more than once. I don’t need one, it would be expensive to buy, to run, to repair, and I find driving rather stressful these days as everyone else seems to be trying out for a place in the Wacky Races.

I do accept lifts sometimes if offered (and will pay for the parking and petrol) but I plan my trips and holidays so I don’t need them. Or if it’s unavoidable, I rent one for the day.

You can do camping without a car. Just have to be prepared to carry your kit.

Not that I would. I’m on the ‘camping is the invention of satan’ team.

I dont drive and have never even tried to learn. The whole concept terrifies me and I'd be an awful dangerous driver. I get freaked out sitting in the front seat of a car and even if my husband drives over 40mph sometimes... itd be a nightmare if I got behind the wheel.
I doubt in the majority of cases it is someone just not being bothered and wanting to take the piss out of people who drive.
This is another thread like the 'people who are always late'thread. Take it extremely personally if you want and think it's all about people trying to get one over on you but in reality in most cases it's not is it... it's usually something going on with that person psychologically OR it's completely circumstantial ie they grew up in a city and just never had need to learn or they've never had the money/time...... lots of stuff goes on in peoples lives, other people dont usually do things just to be massively cheeky, those types of people who are just on a big pisstake are actually pretty rare

Well said Ribbonsonabox, I couldn't agree more.