Dilemma - do I hurt DD's feelings or endure the pong

[YankeeCandlePong]

Lovely DD(13) is very proud of herself because this year she has used her own pocket money to buy gifts for DH and me. Problem is she has bought me a huge Yankee Candle (amaretto apple). I've not even lit it yet and the smell is nauseating me.

Do I tell her I appreciate the thought but could we please change it? Or do I endure the stink for the next year? And it will last a year as the bloody thing is huge!

I feel the same way as you about scented candles. I would place it near a window that can be cracked open and burn it or wait until she’s at school and start burning it outside. Get it down to halfway. Leave it in plain sight for a few days then burn the rest. Start making hints next October/November at how your favourite colour is white and you now love vanilla.

Endure it but try and burn it outside as much as possible while she is not home.

Then get another you like, tell her how wonderful she is for providing ‘candle inspiration’ and bang on no end about the new ones scent and how much you love, love, LOVE it.

Spares her feelings at such a sensitive age and if she goes the candle route again in the future you will probably receive something you can live with.

I know this is easier here, in Oz, but why don’t you wait for warmer weather and make a big deal of burning it outdoors while entertaining? Dilute the smell, and speed up the burn time.

It’s a real dilemma, alright. I’d be in a real fix, my asthma is sensitive to many chemical fragrances. But I’d settle for ‘nearly dying’ before I’d risk seeing my dd’s face fall that much!

Definitely endure it. There's absolutely no way I could tell my daughter that I didn't like any of the gifts she gave me.
Could you light it in the porch if you have one? I often light candles in ours, even though we can't smell them, because I think it looks cozy from outside. Also, you could then tell her that it's such a lovely smell that you'd like it to 'welcome' visitors when they come in.

Don't start lying to yourself and to your child and then slap yourself on the back congratulating yourself. My God, how weak of a human are you creating that HONESTY delivered LOVINGLY would " crush", " destroy" alter her adult life irreparably, never allow her to raise her head in public again, give her an eating disorder and inspire suicide all because she SELECTED A FUCKING CANDLE SCENT YOU CAN'T TOLERATE!!! are you serious?!!?! just be honest don't follow those that tell you becoming a liar makes you Noble. It doesn't. It just.makes your daughter into a fool who's parent can't be honest. Tell her you love the idea but want a different scent. Believe you me if you gave a teenage girl something her or her friends didn't like or was considered uncool at school she would tell you as she's unwrapping the thing! Think for yourself, not for the liars and be true to yourself and your kid.

Oh FFS - went to see DMiL yesterday and she has bought me a Wax Lyrical fragranced reed diffuser!

You have my sympathy. My mum and sister have similar candle tastes. Toffee apple etc. I sit them on a shelf with the lid on

Pashal2 - I do actually agree with you. I don't think it would crush DD at all - she's very strong. We both appreciate honesty whilst understanding how essential the odd white lie is.

Anyway, I've lit the fucking thing now and it won't last forever but a chat will be had at some point to make sure she doesn't spend £20 on another one.

give her an eating disorder and inspire suicide all because she SELECTED A FUCKING CANDLE SCENT YOU CAN'T TOLERATE!!! are you serious?!!?!

Yes, Pashal2. That's obviously what people are saying. Well done you - no need for any of that kindness crap, eh? Everyone knows there's absolutely no middle ground between raising a 'precious snowflake' or someone so unable to regulate their emotions that they're suicidal.

I would keep the candle,it would be sad not to, especially as your daughter had made a nice effort to travel and go and by it.

Maybe light it soon,and ask your daughter if she likes the fragrance now its lit,. maybe she won't like it then either,so you can decide to put it away !!

Can you saw some off the bottom to shorten the pong period? I am torn between those who say just tell her and those who say you can’t.
My lovely ma died recently ( funeral yesterday) and I think of the childhood presents she kept and used and they are comforting right now. Best was a blue peter cuter type monstrosity made from a wire hanger with wool knitted all over it. My ma used it for over 50 years bless her now I will probably keep the awful thing out of respect and memory.

Duster nut cutter.

My lovely DS is 19yo now and when he was about 4/5 yo he went out with my DDad and came home with a monkey keyring (like you get on a Kipling Bag) because I use Kipling and he's seen the monkeys.

I have kept it , on a key to the shed , because he was so pleased with himself finding this .
Monkey keyring is a creepy looking thing though .

You will gain huge Brownie points by bringing out The Gift and enthusing over it . I often say to my DS "Ahhh d'you remember when you bought me this , when you were little and sweet " (He gives me the Judgey Look that only a teen son can give )

Use it over the holidays then if mentioned why not in use more often say you think of it as to be used sparingly as such a lovely thought. Or open a window and burn it like fury until it is done. Be grateful!

When your Dd isn't there, light it and stick it outside each day. Then bring it in for for five mins before she gets home and blow it out before she gets in so she can smell it indoors. So she thinks you are using it, the candle will get used up outside in no time at all.

Aww bless her. Light it and don’t say anything. Even if she is a strong girl she will be gutted if it’s her first gift purchase for you on her own.

I used to always buy my mum a bunch of flowers whenever we went to the garden centre. Little did I know my mum doesn’t like flowers but she still acted as though I gave her the best present in the world every Sunday :)