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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dilemma - do I hurt DD's feelings or endure the pong

216 replies

YankeeCandlePong · 26/12/2018 11:24

Lovely DD(13) is very proud of herself because this year she has used her own pocket money to buy gifts for DH and me. Problem is she has bought me a huge Yankee Candle (amaretto apple). I've not even lit it yet and the smell is nauseating me.

Do I tell her I appreciate the thought but could we please change it? Or do I endure the stink for the next year? And it will last a year as the bloody thing is huge!

OP posts:

ragged · 27/12/2018 19:48

I like windchimes. One yr for Xmas I bought my dad some windchimes (very common where he lives).

Turns out he loathes windchimes, but didn't tell me. He probably binned them immediately. I feel betrayed. Wish he had been honest.

Honesty is best policy, ime & imho.

BeatriceBee · 27/12/2018 20:01

I agree with DanglyBangly and I would try to light it as much as possible to burn it away quickly. I know exactly what you mean though, as I regularly come home to find my DD has lit one of her candles that make me feel sick, but I have never been able to bring myself to tell her this.
Maybe you could buy a candle you like after you have disposed of this one and sing it's praises so that your daughter knows what to buy you next year.

Bekstar · 27/12/2018 20:06

Essential oil with a stronger but nicer smell tipped into it and allow it to soak in or a candle melt of the same colour. The other option is to use it as an ornament eather than a candle. Or you vould buy a candle same colour you do like, melt them both in a pan of boiling water (check both candle jars withstand the heat, then switch the wax over. Or you could burn it a couple of times while she is in, then descreatly start switching it over with other candles occassionally. (or burn it when your cooking atrong smelling foods, or brwing cofee) Then she wont notice so much when it goes missing and you say its burnt right down.
Dont tell her though. But do hint on which ones you do like theoughout the year.

Passmethecrisps · 27/12/2018 20:09

Oh bless her little heart.

I am glad to read that you have had a little reprieve though. She clearly likes it herself.

I was bought an enormous Yankee candle by one of my students at work as a thank you. It was a beautiful gesture but it was hideously sweet and not at all to my taste. I could 100% see her smelling it and getting very excited about it though.

For some time I couldn’t even have the lid off but actually I think over the years the smell must fade. More recently I have taken to sitting it on the heater for a wee while (at work so can’t burn it) and that gives a very gentle scent which is frankly much better than some of the other smells in a secondary school.

I have had a huge number of teenage girls rush in wanting to know what the “pure lush smell” is. So I reckon it must be age related.

Wait a wee while then pop in to the Yankee shop with her. Make a big fuss of sniffing all the candles and buy a wee tiny one for you each. That way you can drop hints about which smell you like if she is still into it next year and she gets her very own one

impossible · 27/12/2018 20:16

I would endure it rather than hurt her feelings. Could you perhaps get a lantern to hang in the garden and put it in there (if not too big)?

Either way - watch this. My dd showed it to me after years of us giving each other unwanted candles... (The Christmas Candle - Emma Stone - SNL)

Merry Christmas!

LittlePaintBox · 27/12/2018 20:18

Put up with it. I once changed a present of my son's- a watch that didn't work - and I've never got over the guilt.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 27/12/2018 20:18

Can’t even believe your thinking of telling a 13 year old that!! I would burn it, be grateful and then make a few comments throughout the year about my favourite candle scents in the hope of not getting another one.
I can’t believe the scent is that bad or strong tbh.

RCohle · 27/12/2018 20:25

You have to pretend to love it. Part of parenthood I'm afraid. She'll probably be crushed if you return it.

I'd burn it by an open window when she's at school to get through it though, and drop hints about another scent before your birthday/ next Christmas.

Onehellofaride · 27/12/2018 20:43

Oh god I wouldn’t be able to say I didn’t like it. I do tend to save candles though so I would keep the lid on and say it looked so lovely where I put it, it would be a shame to burn it!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/12/2018 20:54

I’d light it at every opportunity and open windows when she’s not around

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 27/12/2018 21:13

Could you pour away the liquid wax after burning? That might help it to last less long.

Supercala123 · 27/12/2018 21:14

Keep it. Your daughters thoughtful efforts mean so much more than hurting her feelings!

Dita73 · 27/12/2018 21:51

Don’t say anything. She’d be crushed and very embarrassed

MsLexic · 27/12/2018 22:40

Bleugh. I hate Yankee candles. I would HAVE to say

Original poster

YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 22:46

I'll swap for the Cherry one. It's like being in a burning-down sweet shop. It's also the size of a phone box

That does sound even worse than the amaretto apple!

I can’t believe the scent is that bad or strong tbh.

It is to me but clearly some people love it. I hate Yankee Candles.

She’d be crushed and very embarrassed

You don't know my DD. But I have lit the bloody thing - which you'd know if you'd RTFT!

impossible - love the candle video

OP posts:

Dita73 · 27/12/2018 23:16

Stick it up your arse then and bloody get on with it

Sewrainbow · 27/12/2018 23:20

I had this, my solution was to put it on the garden table, and light it out there to disperse the smell. Eventually it got filled with rain water and went all funny then I felt I could chuck it...

PlayingGrownUp · 27/12/2018 23:23

My mum told my sister that the smell of vanilla makes her ill so could they go to the shop so my sister could pick out a different one without vanilla? Could that be an idea?

Chucky16 · 27/12/2018 23:23

Glad you decided to keep it. She would have been so pleased with herself and the thought of the disappointment on her face, if you had said you didnt like it / wanted to swap it, is awful. Putting a brave face on things and being delighted with your “gifts” is part of being a parent. Even if she ever found out about you not liking it when she is older, the fact that you kept it shows how much she meant to you. I think we all get gifts we really don’t want from our children, but to just turn round and say you don’t like it, as some pps have suggested, is cruel. Your daughters sounds like a lovely, and caring, young lady and imo you have definitely done the right thing.

Original poster

YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 23:27

Stick it up your arse then

Well, that is one solution, I suppose ...

OP posts:

Dita73 · 27/12/2018 23:55

Sideways

Original poster

YankeeCandlePong · 27/12/2018 23:57

another great suggestion, Dita.

OP posts:

Biffsboys · 28/12/2018 00:03

This exact thing happened to me with ds when he was 14 - I just suffered the smell. Next year he got me lovely chocolates and slippers 😀😀

SheilaBruce · 28/12/2018 01:20

I'd use it and then, after a few burnings, loudly contemplate how it just doesn't smell as nice whilst burning (and also include a disclaimer about how candles ARE for burning, not for keeping and gathering dust). Or something like that.

Itisnearlybedtimeyet · 28/12/2018 02:04

How could you even consider saying anything? She'd be gutted! Definitely don't.

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