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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dilemma - do I hurt DD's feelings or endure the pong

216 replies

YankeeCandlePong · 26/12/2018 11:24

Lovely DD(13) is very proud of herself because this year she has used her own pocket money to buy gifts for DH and me. Problem is she has bought me a huge Yankee Candle (amaretto apple). I've not even lit it yet and the smell is nauseating me.

Do I tell her I appreciate the thought but could we please change it? Or do I endure the stink for the next year? And it will last a year as the bloody thing is huge!

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 26/12/2018 12:37

If not start making comments about it being lovely but overpowering when you can't open the windows and put it away in the shed fot the summer.

Unless the OP's daughter is lacking in intelligence (which is unlikely) she's not going to be fooled by that - who puts a candle away for the summer?!

Bloomini · 26/12/2018 12:39

OP this thread is making me wistful and wishing I had a 13 yo DD to buy me a gift.

Sometimes the gifts with the worst scent or not to your taste jewellery are the most precious because of the thought and love that went into choosing them.

Please don't exchange it. Though I feel your pain re the scent Smile

piggybrownhare · 26/12/2018 12:39

As part of my job I go into people’s homes. Some very very pongy homes, think eye wateringly smelly houses. After a few minutes you start getting used to the smell. I would just put up for the sake of her feelings and keep the lid on it (Yankee candles have lids right?) tell her you like it too much to burn it and make sure u still have it next Christmas, so she doesn’t buy you another one Xmas Smile

Blueraccoon · 26/12/2018 12:41

One of the first things my DS bought me that he chose and paid for himself was a “shark’s tooth” necklace. The sharks tooth was made of plastic and was extremely sharp. If I forgot I was wearing it and looked down I stabbed myself in the neck. These are the sort of things you have to endure and look back and laugh one day.

Please don’t tell her you don’t like it.

masktaster · 26/12/2018 12:48

At a similar age I bought my mother a farmyard themed sugar bowl for Christmas Xmas Grin. I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know what she really thought of the gift, but she kept small trinkets in it on her bedside table for a few years.

I know it was an odd present, now, but I'm glad she never told me as much at the time!

Original poster
YankeeCandlePong · 26/12/2018 12:55

I do appreciate the replies, even though you're not giving me the response I wanted Grin

I will endure it and I'll follow some of the tips on here for minimizing the stink and getting rid of it asap (65-80 hrs burning time? Shock)

But DD and I are normally very honest with each other. I'd prefer someone to say to me that they appreciate the thought but it's not to my liking, can we swap it?

I suppose that doesn't work with 13 year old girls who've just bought their mum their first present with their own money, does it?

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 26/12/2018 12:57

Light it now, Yankee Candles are not great quality anymore. The smell is probably only strong on the surface. Burn it off!

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2018 12:57

I thought this would be a ‘smelly teenager’ thread.

Original poster
YankeeCandlePong · 26/12/2018 12:58

OP this thread is making me wistful and wishing I had a 13 yo DD to buy me a gift

Flowers Bloomini - I do know how lucky I am to have to have my lovely DD, honestly, I don't take her for granted.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 26/12/2018 13:00

On the other hand, it's giving me massive relief I DON'T have a teenage daughter.. GrinGrinGrin

Loftyswops988 · 26/12/2018 13:07

all of you posters are nicer than my own DM was to me when I was young. She still makes fun of me for things i got her that she hated. She would take them straight to charity shops. Save your daughters feelings and try and endure i say. Easier said than done of course haha!

MorningsEleven · 26/12/2018 13:08

I suppose that doesn't work with 13 year old girls who've just bought their mum their first present with their own money, does it?

It really doesn't. I've been that child and it was really hurtful.

Like PPs have suggested, dispose of it subtly and drop hints for next year.

labazs · 26/12/2018 13:08

it would not be fair to say you wanted to exchange it burn it but light another at same time a strong one so it overides the apple one

Original poster
YankeeCandlePong · 26/12/2018 13:09

Ah, ShotsFired - you don't know what you're missing Smile the gross candle is a mere blip.

If only she had a more sensitve nose ...

OP posts:
frami · 26/12/2018 13:09

Light it and love it (use it in the loo after someone's done a really smelly poo). I have never forgotten my Mother's reaction in a similar situation when I was the same age. It was the start of what has become a predictable cycle. If you can't bring yourself to do use it, make sure this is the first and last time you reject a gift from her. It's my DM's birthday today. She hasn't rang to acknowledge her gift so means once again I have got it wrong. I'm in my fifties and it still hurts.

Mayrhofen · 26/12/2018 13:12

On,y light it in the kitchen when you have had fish or bacon to get rid of the smell. Leave the lid firmly on it the rest of the time.

OyOy · 26/12/2018 13:17

But DD and I are normally very honest with each other. I'd prefer someone to say to me that they appreciate the thought but it's not to my liking, can we swap it?
I suppose that doesn't work with 13 year old girls who've just bought their mum their first present with their own money, does it?

Awww, I don't think it does I'm afraid...it's not a comparable situation - this isn't really about the gift or about you.

It's about keeping that experience special and empowering for your DD

So I think in this specific situation, her feelings top trump yours... next year however...

A few hours a day from now and it'll be done before the end of January - she'll feel special every time she passes it in the hols too.

I'm sure you'll quickly become accustomed to the scent - and hopefully its hot throw won't be as potent as it seems unlit!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2018 13:17

Urgh, I think I'd have to swap it - but I'd have a back story as to why that particular smell doesn't work for me!

My boys (and husband) know not to buy any smelly things for me, including perfume or scented anything, because I react badly to certain smells, and most perfumes end up smelling like cat's pee on me.

I think it IS worth causing her short term pain, because it will prevent a possible recurrence, and will mean that you don't have to screw your face up.

If you really don't want to, though, then your only other option would be to burn it outside.

PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 26/12/2018 13:19

It could have been worse. A a child I saved up and bought my mum a gold plated Mum ring from Argos. I was so chuffed. She must have been horrified but she wore it anyway until I claimed it during my gold jewellery ring on every finger phase as a teenager Grin

sausagepastapot · 26/12/2018 13:20

Light it and leave it in the bathroom or a room you won't be in much. Definitely don't tell her you don't like it but as pp have said find something you really love and drop hints like mad next year.

Forgottochangename · 26/12/2018 13:21

My DD(8) went away with her nan and grandad for a few days. She found lobster claws on the beach. Guess what my gift was? The awful huge lobster claws. I still acted like they were the best gift ever 😂 now they’re hidden away and she’s forgotten

Fcukthisshit · 26/12/2018 13:24

Use it outside in the garden in summer. Don’t tell her you don’t like it - that’s beyond mean.

thefinn · 26/12/2018 13:25

If it was anything, anything else than a scented candle... i love some yankee candles.. i'd bear it. But if the smell is bad i get a migraine and I couldn't risk it. I don't honestly know but if you aren't prone to migraines I'd pretend. How lovely of her.

twosoups1972 · 26/12/2018 13:31

Difficult one OP, just wanted to say you are a lovely mum. My own mum returned pretty much everything I bought for her. Her first reaction on opening a gift from me was 'did you keep the receipt?' Sad

scunner · 26/12/2018 13:34

This is a very special present and suggesting swapping would clearly imply your daughter’s choice was wrong. You will hurt her feelings quite deeply and you will later regret it.
Being honest is definitely not the best option. I have been given all sorts of gifts from my children and grandchildren and treasured them all. The delight and warmth in their faces watching your unwrap the surprise is all part of the gift of giving.