To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

Boy are you making a rod for your own back.. and everyone else's.

I always just took the line that Father Christmas knew Grandma was getting that for them so he gave you something else you would like. I also made it very clear that they gave FC a WISH list. there was no guarantee they would get everything or even anything on that list.

Your children are going to grow up entitled little snowflakes if you aren't careful!

Unreasonable. My son had presents from Santa (Me) this year and he had presents from Grandmum (Exes Mother) I didn't swap them. You sound like a controlling woman, I pity your children to be honest

I think the op was being serious when she said she genuinely didn't think she was doing anything unreasonable, and was simply looking for people to validate that her mother was the problem.

So she's flounced because people pointed out she was the problem.

Also unfair to just immediately get the gifts that the DC decided to add to the list. Do they get everything they want?

adults are in charge, no need to make everyone r7n around in circles.

A Christmas list to Santa and be bloody grateful for whatever is gifted otherwise!

You’re doing Christmas all wrong

I think the OP seemed to be saying this was how her mum did it so she assumed this is how everyone does it.
I think it borders on the unhinged BUT if this was how her mum taught her to do it and I'm sure until Christmas Eve never suggested it was batshit bonkers, then it wasn't that unreasonable for her to think her mum would chip in with the plan.

Wow, just wow...

Yes, YABU!

I can't believe this is real.

If so then OP is presenting wrong and needs educating on the gift bit!

For goodness sake, Santa doesn't bring everything a child has on her/his list. It's easy Santa knows child would like x,y,z but only leaves y. Others knowing child would like x and z gives them as a present. Isn't that wonderful that others just knew Santa would perhaps be a bit short of the x and z gifts. If your DC believe in Santa they will believe in others helping out. It's Santa - he isn't real!

Ha - the things we do though, to keep the story plausible!! I use different paper and tags for FC's presents (but still forget who gave things the following year, luckily DD's always spot on)!!

Anyway - OP you have made things far too complicated! My DCs write their lists and send them up the chimney (after I've photocopied them) but they understand that family members may buy most of the things. FC is clever (it's science not magic) and he knows if we have bought things off the list, so he only gives things that haven't been sorted elsewhere. Works for us.........

YABVVVVVVVU and completely and utterly batshit.

Newsflash - if they get presents they like, kids don’t give two fucks whether the presents are from FC or anyone else.

My parents have many times over the years bought gifts that my children have asked for (but they know we couldn’t afford) from themselves. The kids are always just grateful for the gifts no matter who they come from!

What? No idea. Sounds quite OTT and OCD. Think it is all overthought. Get a gist of what kids may want. Then other people can buy them what ever.

Children need to realise that they may get things they don't want. Hard luck it teaches them to be gracious.

I agree with... everyone

Op cringing for you totally unbelievable! You are nuts!

😆

If you turned up on Christmas Eve and started unwrapping presents and changing the paper so they can match the paper of a fictional character I would think you have completely taken leave of your senses. Just chill out. It’s supposed to be fun.

We are close to all of our family so the children physically get given their gifts from the person who has bought them when they see them so they know who it’s from.

In our house Santa delivers the presents only. They are labelled from mummy and daddy or sister/brother. I cannot be doing with this utter madness and concocting wild stories to explain a fictional character. I’m happy to go along with the gentle “yay, Father Christmas is bringing your presents tonight. Let’s leave him mince pies etc.” I cannot be doing with intricate lies like this. It’s bonkers.